family tree wings toward Braniff birthday arrows and tigers


Dan and Arrow Sept 12 2016

Who has a family tree older than the petrified forest? Can Nazy paint the tree on acid-free and gluten-free paper. (Hey! We live in California.) Where can you find a smiling arrow? Why are colorful letter used to spell Braniff? Why is Nazy thinking about Nigeria while she looks for the perfect birthday present? What’s the difference between wrinkles and laugh lines? Read More...
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dregs, dross, debris and silver app store pink boyfriend

The Boy Friend, CHS


Who decided to empty
THE STORAGE(in Melika’s driveway)? What company built the first App Store, called SofStore, (before the internet and apps existed)? What should be done with an international collection of Monopoly games (from every European country)? What are the overdue charges on a Blockbuster 1 week rental initialed in 1995? Who was ‘a’ boyfriend in The Boyfriend during High School? Why did Le Grand Hotel Inter-Continental (Paris) deliver “such disappointing news” to Mitra? (Hint: It had something to do with pink stuffed elephants.) Would you like to enjoy the beautiful smile of six week old Arrow? (By the way, I am at the left, with a striped coat and a leg up.) Read More...
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Valentine’s Day steering wheel stroller and El Nino miscue

Lucky's Valentine 2016

Why is local news running an El Nino disaster series when this year’s El Nino has been a flop? And what is La Nina? Can the grand(est)son be tricked by a stroller with a steering wheel? Why did Dan want to give corn flakes to a cereal killer? What role did Carol Burnett in Nazy and Dan’s Valentine Day dinner? Read More...
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Uber wrecks old iron slides laptop crumble keys

mel, darria, tiger, nazy in Camerillo

A week of collisions — rattling laptops impacting the planet, sliding mud blocking the highway and Uber transports crinkling the car — generated excitement. Did Darius actually wield an iron on a shirt? And why did Dan want to use the iron on a foot? Hint: Is there a gene that causes variable foot size disorder? Does Uber really hire 90 year old drivers? Did United Airlines acquire the bus company that runs transport between LA and Santa Barbara? Read More...
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Platinium Elite Flyer morphs to Dirt COMMON NYC Sinterklaas trip

The Martin Family Christmas 2009

Will Dan be able to complain about a trip where flights that are on-time, serviced by pleasant staff and incredibly economical? Hint: Dan is no longer a Platinum Elite Frequent Flyer; Dirt Common Infrequent Trodden Class is not quite as nice. How was Dan able to morph a trouble-free flight to New York into a story about Cameroon? Who celebrated St. Nicolas Day at the Saint Nicholas Cathedral In Sidon? How did that illuminate memories of Sinterklaas Day fun in Holland? And what does the cover picture have to do with the letter contents? Read More...
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On the port (tick) tack with a Cornish Hen


Tiger on the parachute Nov 2015

Who put ‘sailing’ on the list of things that every gentleman should know how to do? Why did Dan read that list? Does gnawing the drumstick of a Cornish Hen equate to ‘being able to carve a turkey’? What is a boom vang and is it related to the gooseneck? Will eating Tic Tacs make Dan a better sailor? What prompts the grand(est)son to say: “Okay?”. Read More...
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KitchenDread, Kettle Red, Appliance Dead, Cat Well Fed

Tiger and Monster

When we were just married, Nazy wanted a massive KitchenAid mixer that cost about as much as my first car. Factual insert: My first car was a (well) used Austin Healy Sprite that didn’t have rollup windows or a self-canceling turn signal switch. Now, many years later, we bought a KitchenAid Proline device — a candy apple Red Tea Kettle. Pricewise, it is a flawless diamond in a sea of zirconium. In the looks category, it is a Rembrandt surrounded by unschooled doodles. Performance wise - well, you’ll just have to read about it. And, is Melika’s cat comfy staying with us? How is the grand(est)son doing with his swimming lessons? Read More...
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Rainy season Eclipses talkative Banana Hat

baby by tree Oct 2014 Mitra, naz

Can Dan parlay his Nigeria rainy season experience into success with a partial eclipse? More importantly, does Dan remember any rainy experiences? Can looking straight at the sun during a partial eclipse damage a camera lens? Will readers of TWL be impressed with a a photo of an emaciated and desiccated sun? What is the child rearing secret to creating a business executive? Who turned a blanket into a hat? (And why?) Read More...
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Green Geraniums offered grandest refuge in Death Valley

nazy and Jamsheed Sept 29

Who banished the geraniums to rocky, sunless, dry exile? (And why did Dan do it?) Who is watering the geraniums - and letting them get even with Dan? Did the flowers really break the garden trowel? How did Tango Music inspire the grand(est)son ever? And, do you know where you left your feet? And, finally, what personal characteristic is one most likely to find in Congress? (Hint: It’s a word invented by Dickens.)
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Feline ice-cubes celebrate grandest iPhone Equinox

Tom, Melika, Jamsheed 3 months

How does the cat react when he realizes that he’s not the top dog? How do we know that the cat is a Tango aficionado? (Hint: it has to do with a bandoneon.) Why should the autumn equinox be celebrated with a freshly baked cake? Will ice cubes work as drip irrigation technology? How did Dan get access to photographs of the iPhone7c? Read More...
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Blue Suede Situations hoist Chopstick Lifesavers

dan and Jamsheed Sept 12

What do biceps have in common with chopsticks and candy lifesavers? Is it possible to polish blue suede shoes? Why does Dan think that Roentgen is responsible for the condition of Darius’ sneakers? Is it wise to consider a job offer from a university that has a ‘situation’? (Does any university not have a situation?) Read More...
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Tale told by Friends Romans and candles strutting and fretting

family scared 2014

How does Dan weave Hamlet and MacBeth into a weekly letter celebrating the autumn equinox? And what were you dreaming about on a midsummer’s night? Did you know that midsummer - in fact all of summer - ended on September 1st? Why does Darius need designer shoes before he returns to Beirut? Read More...
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Pacific Coast Mission rattles Redwood Earthquake

all family 9 week baby

Why did a missing Mission in Monterey allow Darius to drop Dan’s Popsicle in the mud? Does this letter really include a photograph of a ‘bump on a log’? (And, if so, who is the bump?) How can a herd of elephant seals disguise themselves on a California beach? And did you know that Redwood trees are actually chocolate brown? And, finally, how well did The Martin Family cope with the California earthquake? Read More...
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polo ponies in tanks assault francless bank account

IMG_6624

Who gets to replace divots at the Polo Grounds? What is the easiest job on the planet? (And why hasn’t it been outsourced?) Is there a simple solution to the ISIS insurgency? What have we done to make Darius feel at home during his visit? And how did the grandest son snap a selfie? Read More...
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Dilapidated LAX Welcomes Darius from Crimean Wars


Darius and baby best

Will the Iran Visa in Darius’ passport cause him problems at the border? Will it increase the likelihood that he will be selected for a ‘random’ special security review? Who is reading a book that (purportedly) proves 2+2= ? Can Mitra, Darius and Stefan defend their championship position at The Meet in the Heat? How will Dan and Nazy celebrate their anniversary? Read More...
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No Macbroke return for thirsty flower-eating gophers

dan and baby at mels five weeks

How did Dan’s MacBook Pro turn into a MacBroke Slab? (Did an unsteady can of Coke zero have something to do with it?) How much can Apple charge (with a straight face) to replace a keyboard? How did the local hardware store get ahold of Syria’s chemical weapons? Why are mountain lions eating Nazy’s flowers? Read More...
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Organic Insecticide Fails on Dan’s 4th holiday Lion King

The Lionese

Do we need organic flowers? Why does Dan think insecticides should kill insects? Should fireworks technicians be surprised by falling embers? Where did the Lion sleep tonight? How does the King of the Jungle respond to a ‘suggestion’ from the lioness? Read More...
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TV monopoly rains on Feline monster world record


mel and baby July 1 2014

How does an 18 pound cat react to losing his place as ‘top dog’? What is Dan’s foolproof plan to eliminate the California draught problem with a simple use of Applied Mathematics? (Note: Dan has a degree in Applied Mathematics from Georgia Tech.) Have you ever had to deal with the barbarians on the customer ‘service’ desk? Were your ‘helpless’ agents named Attila and Genghis? Read More...
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Joan of Ark checks out Slo in Pismo June Gloom

The vertical Martin Family 2013

Who thinks Joan of Arc was Noah’s wife? Why did Dan and Nazy take a SLO road trip? Can you go wrong if you queue behind a lady buying only two greeting cards? How does Melika’s obstetrician’s employment history (United Airlines) impact timely delivery? Is the house at 521 Santa Barbara Street green or yellow? Did you notice that this family photo has nothing to do with the editorial content in this issue of The Weekly Letter? Read More...
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Father’s Day baby and alcohol-free Persian Bar chalk wins


big hat 2

Who put the gopher snake in Melika’s driveway? (And who knew that a gopher snake could be five feet long?) Does it sound strange to hear: “Darius is safe and sound back in Beirut.”? (Does anybody know how to punctuate the previous sentence?) Why does Apple sponsor chalk paintings on asphalt during May? Where do we find ingenuity need to tackle idiot-proof construction projects? And, what makes a baby that is “perfectly happy where it is” decide that it is time to be born? Hint: The grandfather’s bet in the delivery date poll was insufficient incentive?) The photo is here because Nazy really likes that hat. Read More...
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Potted evergreen Lion befuddles dropped Dyson vacuum

nifty street in Montreal

Warlocks? Silversmiths? Dan’s lion ring? How will it all turn out? Is Dan, like an unemployed court jester, nobody’s fool? Do you push the red button or the silver button first? (If you chose wrong, you’ll be covered in dusty debris.) Who is Stan Nardon and why did he generate a false alarm? And why is there a photo from Isfahan, Iran in this week’s issue of The Weekly Letter? Read More...
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rental car immobilization leads to Ring ransom in New England

dab and nazy circque in Montreal

United Airlines delivers Dan and Nazy across the continent - on-time! (With some drama.) Dreadlocked warlocks demand ransom for Dan’s Lion Ring. (That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.) Bedlam Abode, The Martin Family residence in Hanover, NH (1986-1989; 1994-2001) is still standing. Nazy’s IWC in the Upper Valley celebrates 20 years with a huge prom party Read More...
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Dr. Seuss Writes Troll Stories on Dan’s Typewriter

nazy with rocking horse


Did Melika’s obstetrician formerly handle scheduling for United Airlines? Why does Dan believe that the TSA outsourced work to Malaysia? Who recused The Martin Family troll (and cabbage patch) collection? Did you know that Mark Twain was the first person to write a book on a typewriter? (Or, if you’re younger, do you know what a typewriter is.. eh, was?) Why does Dan believe that his typewriter’s age is Jurassic?

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Giant hats fly United Rabbit-Ear cooking class

nazy and yellow hat

Who ‘needs’ a giant yellow hat? (And who makes the hat look great?) Do you recall rabbit-ear TV antennas? (And which airline still uses them on the inflight entertainment system?) What kind of recipes should you study if you’re about to go on maternity leave? And, why does Credit Suisse want to close Dan’s account? Read More...
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Beer Pong Baby Shower and birthing video cancelled By United

photo

Want to learn more about Melika’s experiences and preparation for the coming grandchild? Do you know the rules that govern a beer pong tournament? (Should these rules be adjusted if the tournament takes place during a baby shower?) Is your prescription medication insurance better than Dan’s? Why would anybody book United Airlines via Denver? Read More...
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Stringless violins splash metaphorically in classical TSA Scam

Tom, Melika and Nazy March 27 2014

Who commissioned the millennium symphony, which was bug-free in release 5.2? What should one do when the E-String breaks during a solo performance? Does the 18th century Stradivarius replacement sound ‘dark’ - even when played by a master? What play are you watching if they give you a rain poncho before you’re seated? (Will Dan understand the metaphorical metaphors in the Santa Barbara production of Metamorphoses?) What exciting event will take place within the next 8 weeks? (Hint: see photo.) Read More...
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Sainted Blue Jay fowls orchid on New Year’s Day


nazy by ribbon store


What are the risks associated with living so close to the Santa Barbara Mission? Is it easier to eject a flustered Blue Jay or an enthusiastic Saint from The Martin Family kitchen? How would you deal with a ‘candy’ made from chickpeas? How might your approach change if the ‘candy’ is your wife’s favorite?

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snickering candy bars off-handedly tempt Horatio Nelson

mitra and stefan at wedding


Do you know the definition of a ‘Tom Swifty’? If not, can Dan fill the vacuum succinctly? Are you ready for Persian New Year and the beginning of Spring? (9:57AM, Thursday, March 20, 2014 California Time.) How do you count fearlessly in German? And how many cavities did Dan’s crestfallen dentist discover?

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Albert Schweitzer’s (wet) Olympic Tax-sheltered Crib

dan and melika 1981 memphis

Why did Albert Schweitzer call Dan a ‘truly wise person’? Will Dan’s Olympic plans impress the tax authorities? Can Nazy win gold in speed painting? Why does Melika need an indestructible crib? (Hint: Someone destroyed The Martin Family crib.) Will California showers bring flowers or mud? Did the computerized weather model actually work? Read More...
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Q-Tipped wreath stuck in classic Low-IQ Ear

nazy in Ojai


What did your mother say about putting things in your ear? (And, is a Q-Tip smaller than your elbow?) How would The Weekly Letter rate if they judged like figure skating: technical score and grade of execution? Would Shakespeare trump J.K. Rowling? What do Dan’s Blood Pressure and IQ have in common?



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Let’s deal curling Koalas in colorful pants

Tom, Melika and whoever LMD

What kind of tree explodes? (Hint: It was planted by Johnny Eucalyptus Seed.) Would you trade an off-kilter tree for what’s behind Door Number 3? And, before you answer, would you wear a giant fruit hat while making your choice? Did the Norwegian curling team hire Dan for sartorial advice? How heavy is the curling stone? Read More...
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Ballerina plots Fill creek with eclectic Sculpture

jack in venice
What is the strange liquid in the Santa Barbara creek? Who is not going bobsledding? Why would you put three bronze heads and a totem pole in your front yard? (And if you did, where would you be living?) Can Dan figure out the plot of Giselle - as presented by the Royal New Zealand Ballet company? (Would he be able to do it if the company performed in English?) Read More...
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Universal apples Remotely control stylish pregnant weather

Melika and ice cream


Can Dan successfully deploy a universal remote to replace 4 remote control devices for the ‘smart’ TV? Okay, that was too easy: can Dan, with Darius’ help, arrange a successful deployment? Why is US internet/cable TV service expensive and lower quality? (Note: This question is distinct from subjective observations about the quality of the TV programs themselves.) How will Martin Family intervention fix the California draught?

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Gray Whales dance with tango challenged Chase Bank

whale all of it

Can Dan, by some fluke, get a photo of a sounding whale? What is the ocean equivalent of ‘fruits and vegetables’? Would you migrate from Alaska to Mexico to spawn? Can someone with musical ability of a mute barnacle learn to dance? And, finally, will Chase Bank pay the late fee assessed by Darius? Read More...
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sonar baby and dolphin trumps cosmic Microwave Background

mel at sonagram

Can you see migrating dolphins from the Pacific Coastal Highway? Can Melika find a human and practical use for cetacean echolocation on ‘hump’ day? What does the cosmic microwave background (CMB) and Dan’s colorblindness test have to do with Melika’s pregnancy? And can anyone surf near a waveless beach? Read More...
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Soupy Keyboards foster aggressive competitive lucky Meditation

Dar and all

Why does Dan prefer carrot sticks to carrot soup? Will Darius make the family proud by winning the competitive meditation championship of Los Angeles? (Did Dan’s advice: “Meditate aggressively” help the cause?) What do soup, ice tea and hot tea have in common? And finally, what does the macroeconomist say about debt repayment? (And does the photo have anything to do with the letter content?) Read More...
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wasta jet d’Eau shoots meditating brussel sprouts at Dan

darius and sunset

Why is Dan rinsing brussel sprouts out of his mustache? Hint: A plumber was visiting the house in Santa Barbara. Can meditation missteps ruin someone’s involuntary nervous system? Who is able to track oxygen molecules as they travel from nose to diaphragm and (yuck!) beyond? What is WASTA and why doesn’t Darius use his? Read More...
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Victorian photos Electrify Freedom stamped Sugar cookies

aa family best


Does delayed sugar cookie baking destroy the Christmas Spirit? Why does Melika think that Dan and Nazy’s home is filled with Victorian era artifacts? Are biplane pilot googles Victorian? Will two Ph.D.-wielding Martin Men be able to assemble an electric train? And - whatever else you do - don’t share Darius’ description of the University administration.
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Dan Queues to Mail Schrödinger’s holiday CAT

XMAS Tree 2013

Why would anyone name a dog ‘Schrödinger’? Why do postal clerks go ‘on break’ when Dan is ‘in queue’? Who’s lumbago was acting up? Will The Grinch derail California Christmas tree selection? And: Nazy has lots of party dresses and Nazy recently attended many parties. So.. where was Dan and what did he wear?




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16 third street ices Hi-tech mousetrap

sixteen third picture

Do rodent-repelling lessons learned at Dan’s (pre-Nazy) Georgia Tech residence (16 Third Street: The Elite Address in Atlanta) apply in Santa Barbara? How do locals react to (gasp!) windshield frost? And what is the worst way to remove driveway snow? How did Dan end upon the party’s cleanup committee? Read More...
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Pretty girls tempt great tenors hiking up pregnant hills

nazy on the boat

Would you rather be “great” or “grand”? How about “wonderful” - like the Wizard of Oz? How can Darius benefit from being one of only 4 tenors in Lebanon? Why does Dan want to change his name to Noah? (Hint: It has something to do with the ice-maker.) And did Dan and Nazy actually witness an escape from San Quentin? Read More...
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crane Lifts sequoia vase to Radio City music Hall

Macy windows

Why is Apple hiring engineers from the Federal Medical website development team? (Hint: improving quality is not the reason.) Can Dan make the case that an assignment in Boston makes sense when the family is living in California? Did Laurel and Hardy chart the Oregon Trail? Is Quality Assurance funded by the government? Who is better - the Rockettes or The Princeton Triangle Club? And what can be better than Macy’s in NYC at the start of the holiday season? Read More...
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Zebra socks correct umbrella wallet in California castle


nazy with statue

Thanks to an alert reader, Nazy stands corrected. (Dan was right.) Thanks to an alert sibling, Dan stands corrected. But whose property has free-roaming wild Zebra? Would you want to live in a house built to resemble a 500 year old European Church? (And would you build the house in California?) Why are the police chasing Dan? What do you do in the morning room? (Dan’s answer - Mourn - was wrong.) Read More...
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Puppet floods sun on videoed porsche Bed


sunset 6

Why does Melika’s car have a seat at skateboard height? Why does Dan need crampons to get into bed? Why are Mitra and Stefan Tangoing underwater? Can Nazy find a nearby kiln to fire a giant vase, eh, a ‘smallish umbrella stand’ that has been in storage since 1986? Can Tom’s team be the US champion? And does Darius, visiting Turkey, see a beautiful sunset like the one in Santa Barbara. (Almost) all is revealed in this issue of The Weekly Letter. Read More...
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Wedding poems precipitate Waffling pumpkins

nazy and finger pumpkins

Do adult offspring ever listen to even more adult parents? Do you want them to listen? (Do diapers have anything to do with subject?) Can an itinerant poet cope with weird atmospherics and Dan’s repartee? Where do they create orange Mount Rushmore’s? And waffles make an appearance.

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Yellow Jacket Noises off(set) Nazlyn Monroe Congressman

nazlyn 1

If Nazy goes to a costume party as Nazlyn Monroe, what costume should Dan choose? If you wanted to scare the children on Halloween, you’d surely choose to be a Congressman - but what would you wear? (I thought of going as slime, but it was a dinner party.) Who decided that it would be a ‘good idea’ to attend a theatre event at the Circle Bar B Guest Ranch & Stables (and dinner theatre)? What’s worse when you’re eating outside: Yellow Jackets? or Flies? Read More...
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piano and pine cone caught in hoarded drizzle


four generations

Can Dan outsmart a resilient and crafty piano? Is Dan’s desire that art “look like something” hopelessly archaic? Was Monet ever a Contemporary Artist? (Will Dan remember that Nazy is a contemporary Artist?) Can hardened, experienced Californians used to dealing with fires and earthquakes, meet the challenge of a “Drizzle Alert”? Read More...
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Congress hikes on romantic Persian planetarium Mission

hollywood sign 3

How does the US Congress compare to the sophisticated dignity of a Miley Cyrus performance? Did the person who said: “As easy as taking candy from a baby” ever try to take candy from a baby? How did Dan’s birthday visit in Los Angeles rekindle memories of Dan’s invention of computer hacking. (Should he have patented the idea?) How has the time spent in ‘engagement status’ changed over the past decades? And why didn’t Dan stop in Westwood? Read More...
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Excavation in dewey Paducah requires Hi-Tech socks

Dan sneakers

Who is brave enough to ‘check out’ the storage closet that’s been undisturbed for 15 years? (Dan’s hope insured destruction hadn’t come to pass.) How did Dan put his knowledge of spherical coordinates and solid geometry to practical use? And why wasn’t Nazy practically thrilled by the results? Is there a word for gravity-immune, electrostatically-levitated moisture pellets? Is there, in fact, a way to measure rain that doesn’t hit the ground? Read More...
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Laotian tigers warm Vacuum packed NSA Fingerprints

sunsetting in SB

Would you classify a bicycle excursion through a tiger-infested jungle as safe? Where do unemployable physicists find jobs? (Think derivatives, homeland security and climate models.) Who discovered Humphrey Bogart’s fishing boat - vacuum packed in Santa Barbara? Where should you go if you have a desperate need for a menage de trois venue? And, finally, why does the NSA recommend that iPhone 5S? Read More...
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vitamin transplants tomato eating Japanese beetle

dan at market Sept 2010

Is it necessary to buy organic sneakers in California? (sneakers = trainers in the UK; sneakers = gympies in The Netherlands; sneakers = tennis shoes in 1954) Why does a New Jersey childhood trauma involving the state university of New Jersey and Japanese invaders still haunt Dan? Where do you find spices and bananas?

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Beirut burning man with high blood pre$$ure

nazy and sunflower vase

What is an Art-Car? (It’s not the 1952 Studebaker, with the hole in the floor, that I owned in High School.) Who would invent a festival sized for 68,000 participants without selling tee-shirts? Why has Dan’s doctor prescribed hemlock and banned grapes? Switzerland was expensive, but what is even more expensive (and much less fun) in California? How was Darius’ mini-holiday in Cyprus?

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danish family mission launches holiday plumber

mission ventura 2


How did development of a Martin Family Mission statement generate a drive to Lompoc? Did Dan really need his chain saw to detach the arachnid trap? What (exactly) does the ‘check engine’ light mean? Are you aware of the risks associated with basil and garbage disposals? And - who brings two cooks and a luxury RV to the Burning Man festival?
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Calculus Professors Prepare Challenging Tango program


image001

How much time does it take to develop a course or a new program? Is it easier to teach Calculus than Tango? Is it possible to compose Hip-Hop music in Sweden? Can Big Foot Dance? Read More...
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abracadabra weather baffles gladiolus brained navigator


sunrise la vista

Can Nazy communicate with the voice recognition controls on the navigation computer? (I asked Siri on the iPhone 5 and she said: ‘Try asking your question in a different way’.) Will the magic word (weather) that absolves all airline sin work in an IT environment? (On a related topic, is it true that Catholic Priests whisper ‘weather’ after a confession?) Does anyone know what the ‘check engine’ light means? Read More...
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Dancing horse crushes jurassic Mountain kitten maverick

20 mule team borax

Is it a good idea to buy a product that forces you to upgrade the MacBook’s Operating System? (Hint: Dan upgraded from Snow Leopard to Valley Kitten.) What company thinks it’s a good business practice to make it impossible to buy their products? (Hint: the company has a smart-phone market share of 3.7%.) Who would buy such a phone? (Hint: His name is ‘Dan’.) How many dancing horses are need for the Old Spanish Days Fiesta in Santa Barbara? (Hint: The Horses can’t Tango.) What is the lead exhibit in the Museum of Jurassic Technology? (Hint: It is impossible to come up with a hint for this one.) Read More...
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thirsty beret weathers mud season fire ant

Dar and snow

Would you defy an authoritarian mandate to slack the thirst of a parched stranger? What if the stranger was your lawn? (And the authority was the city water commission?) Can Dan find a way to complain about the weather in Santa Barbara? Who decided to live in Houston? And why is Dan wearing a beret and speaking with a forked tongue? (Or was that wearing a cowboy hat and speaking with a European accent?)

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madam python tricks Kate’s flowerless Geranium Named Jeff

cacuts flowers

Are Dan and Nazy ready for the sophisticated humor of Monty Python? (In an outdoor theatre?) Can Madame Ganna drive her Lotus in Montecito, California? How do Kate (the Princess plant) and Jeff (the Germanium) react to fertilizer and water? (And what if it’s too much of both?) Is there an airline that doesn’t require cabin staff to have known the Wright brothers personally? How was Dan (boarding group 5) able to be the first person on the airplane?

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Dullest airport strafes magellan’s straight flushed Trip

Magellan

Can Dan escape the sensory deprivation tank at the Dullest International Airport in the world? Who’s trip was worse: Ferdinand Magellan? Dan Martin? (Hint: Dan ‘traveled’ on a airline.) Which airport puts the runway and the terminal in different time-zones? Which airport puts the arrival and departure gates on different planets? Did Dan get home for his anniversary. Find answers to these and other burning questions on The Weekly Letter.
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Halifax Crew Mutiny worse worse Than Taxed departure

Moon and russian church 2

Can an airline consistently deliver on it’s core competence (lengthy, slow moving queues) consistently and globally? The answer, of course, is “Yes” - provided Dan is ‘flying’. Will a 15 Franc lunch voucher buy a lunch? Will Dan’s trip to California enter recorded history alongside Shackleton and Antarctica, Custer and Little Big Horn, Charles and Diana, Nuclear Power and Tsunami?

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wallet safer in explosive Beirut Than Tranquil Geneva


fify guilders

Did Dan foil a mugger in Geneva? (Or was Dan outsmarted by a trickster in Geneva?) Why are robberies in Europe so civilized? Which city is safer: Geneva? Beirut? Dan and Darius debate the subject. Is it possible to go wrong with a SmartCard?

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Charming policeman with Flea-powered car in Italy

church of the visitatio2n

Will Charm trump Principle? Can Dan find a way to get a speeding ticket while driving a car with less horsepower than a flea circus? Is there any need to go to Italy when you’ve seen the ‘Venice of France’? Can anybody read French road signs? Which designer has the gravitational clout to pull Nazy past the (sales) event horizon?

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Mayonnaise coated Krugerrand escapes Predictive Telephone

the cliffs


How can you hide the mayonnaise jar full of spare change from the tax authorities? Who is smarter (and more erudite)? Dan or his Nokia 920 “smart” phone? Does Nazy own a pair of walking shoes? Can Nazy, fresh from her success in finding the hidden closet, find an extra bedroom in Dan’s flat? And why do government regulations close the door after the horse has escaped?

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viscous chicken fingers chocolate mont blanc tourguide

mont Blanc 1

Could Nazy and Dan handle a guided (tour) bus bully?  Does a Nestle chocolate bar taste “just like” a Sprungli Truffle?  (Will it taste better if placed in a “Chocolat de Villars” wrapper?) Will they have Coca Cola on the Aiguelle du Midi? Would you walk down 404 steps in order to stroll through a tunnel in a receding glacier?  Would you do it even if you knew you’d have to walk, eh, climb, back up? 404 Steps?
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Stealth closet finds Fuse-less home in geneva

naz in Geneva day 1

Was Nazy impressed by Dan’s apartment cleaning efforts. (Will common sense prevail in Congress?) Is it possible to misplace an entire closet? And is that worse than losing a vacuum cleaner? Where can you find a cinderblock-sized fuse after all the shops have closed?

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Street repair creates Higgs boson safety pin

russian orthodox church geneva

Why doesn’t CERN put collision detectors on the street in by Dan’s Geneva apartment? Would you have your shirts laundered by a service that pokes holes in the tails? (How much would you pay to avoid said defacement?) Where do the French Swiss hide the “y” on a PC kezboard? Can Dan escape the black hole of broccoli while Nazy visits?

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Regulatory compliance vacuums manure-spouting Telephone

heli 3

Why is a suctionless vacuum cleaner like a black hole? Which internship best prepares you for executive management? A Ranch? A Bank? (And - why?) Will Dan get his helicopter license while he’s living in Geneva? Finally: If Dan’s clothes don’t fit in the Geneva apartment, what’s he going to do when Nazy visits? (Next week!) Read More...
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Stockholm syndrome: persian water Jesuit Holiday statue

Geneva tower

Dan meets Whit Monday with witless weary wonderment. Who authorized snow in Geneva - in May? Will Dan’s multilingual skills save him at a Persian Restaurant? And what did Dan’s psychologist - Dr. Google - recommend?

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Simpson Ant dismembered left-handed Fencing spectacles

san ysidro 4

When it comes to eyeglasses: Is the postal service option (mail and wait) more economical than the “I want it now” alternative? Are you right-brained or left-brained? How far would you go to equalize the sides? Is an ant colony Simpsonly is an earthly example of The Borg? (And was that a spelling error in the previous sentence?)

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Bank holiday tram bridges one-legged mobile phone

on the lake at night
Who’s business model is as effective as a one-legged Tarzan? Would anyone want a yellow mobile phone? (Is color a valid decision criterion?) What flight got stuck in Los Angeles - on the I-405? And why doesn’t Zurich have a Tram 1? (Geneva’s tram 1 brings sunshine to the weekend.) Read More...
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Dark WIFI Belt Failure rattles Explosive Dryer

Geneva Jet (first nice day)

Will the iPhone “Big Bang” app meet Dan’s complex nightlight requirements? (Would an ink-jet printer do better?) Has anyone (ever) successfully re-installed a buckle on a reversible belt? Whatever happened to multipurpose shower rods? And would you use a clothes dryer with a ‘risk of explosion’ warning label? Read More...
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Beauty Salon ICE Cubes recycle Cat compliance Spreadshee

colorful clock flower

What are the differences between Geneva and Zürich bus drivers? Do the employees of the Pussy Cat Nightclub get coiffeured at the “White and Black Toilettage for Chiens & Chats?” Will Dan’s finally honed recycling expertise be needed in Geneva? How could Dan threaten shipping in the Pacific Ocean? And finally, what, if anything, is he doing in Geneva?

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Flight irregularity foils arrival at pussycat nightclub

UAL900

He’s baaackk! Will Dan’s return to Switzerland go smoothly? (Hint: The trip involves an airport and airlines.) Is his Geneva apartment really located next to the Pussycat Nightclub? Will his state-of-the-art AT&T mobile phone from the USA work in Europe? And who would recommend getting a good breakfast at the airport?

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Rosy agoraphobic Fish Flub CVS Vitamin Sale

Rose 4

Can Dan teach Math to a drug store manager? Can the drug store manager explain the difference between a ‘buy 1, get 1 free’ and a ‘two for one’ sale? More importantly, what should be done if there is only one (1) item? Will the crows capture the New Year goldfish? Is an ugly address label with a ZIP-code better than a beautiful (fancy-dancy)address label that is sans-ZIP?

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Traditional golden Tango with Tarantulas in Geneva

sunset golden gate may 16 2008

Can tarantulas tango? (They’ll have a lot of legs to keep untangled.) Can Dan find an unforgettable restaurant for Nazy’s birthday celebration? How can a cat threaten 3000 years of Persian New Year tradition? (Will the change generate a luckless 2013?) Who would find a job in Switzerland just after moving to California?

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Orchids Post Watercolor Butterflies on a Mission


jailhouse sb

What is easier to paint: a caterpillar or a butterfly? (And why choose the hard one?) Who was running the post office in 1770? (And how did he guarantee next day delivery between Philadelphia and Boston?) Can Nazy get California orchids to re-bloom? (Is that a good Mission?) Did Darius celebrate his birthday by appearing on an Iraqi news program? Read More...
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4:02AM Equinox Drives Chickens (and eggs) to Cyprus

maze at getty

Did Dan try to parallel park during his ‘on-the-road’ driver’s license test? Why is Darius going to Cyprus? Would Dan and Nazy have moved to California if they knew that the 2013 equinox would arrive at 4:02AM? And, do you want to find out which came first: chicken or egg?

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Swimming with Tarragon and Driving with Genghis Kahn

soltus cactus near aps

What is the connection between Tarragon and Gone With the Wind? Can the Internet solve Nazy’s herbs and spices shortages? (Hint: It didn’t work for the lightbulb conundrum.) Should Dan swim in the medium or slow lane? And how would you react if your on-the-road Driver License examiner was named Genghis?

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gurgling blue whales and economic swans of Paradise

Swans

Can Nazy find an appropriate place in Waldhuis, the new Martin Family residence, to put the oversized bronze swans? (Does a chicken have lips?) Will Darius generate statistics consistent with those of the Commerce Department - by himself in three weeks. (It took the government 30 years and consumed the time of a brigade of economists.) How did Melika celebrate a colorful birthday?

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measured highlight (bulbs) don’t romantically Fit

Shanda leer

Is it reasonable to expect that all the shelves of a built-in bookcase will be the same length? What forms should be filled for the background check necessary to purchase a bayonet-mount, eh, light bulb? Is it necessary, in order to be environmentally friendly in California, to be able to read from the light of a carrot? What’s the backup plan if American lightbulbs don’t fit your European fixture?

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Earthquake Ginsu Labels vacuum Misplaced iPad


Family with birds Hawaii 2000

How did Dan use a Ginsu Knife to generate an earthquake? (How were Ginsu Blades used to construct the Chunnel?) Is it possible to mishandle an order for return address labels? Was it mishandled? (You decide.) Would anyone want to purchase a vacuum cleaner instead of a new iPad? Read More...
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Feline Monster 50-Year Warrant allegorical alliteration


sunset 5

Do you earn your ‘grand parent’ badge when your daughter asks you to take care of ‘the little one’? Does it still count if ‘the little one’ is an 18 pound cat? Would you be concerned if your boss demanded that you call him as soon as your airplane lands in Mexico? If you won the lottery, would you pick up the winning check? And, if you have a Ginsu knife, please let me know. (If fact, if you know what a Ginsu knife is, please let me know.)

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California Drizzard and Tar Pits volcano

dan in tarpit park

If Heidi can build Swiss closets with an Allen wrench, why does Dan need Dr. Who’s sonic screwdriver? (And help from the Ewoks?) Where is there a Tar Pit Museum? Who won the Super Ball on Venice Boulevard? Will Dan and Nazy be ready for a monster weather event in Santa Barbara?

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Slide rules Bank on rinse-less Box mountain

Mission 2

Have you seen a travelers banana box? Remember how to use an organically powered analog computational device? Where does the water refuse to stick to a towel? Who could mistake a diving pelican for a sounding whale? Read More...
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Super Truck Boxes Congeal in Kitchen

The truck

How is international relocation like riding a bicycle? [Did you know that Dan broke his wrist riding a bicycle? Twice!] How much concentrated mass is necessary to trigger neutron collapse? [Is the planet at risk?] Will Nazy’s closets past muster? Read More...
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Viking propositions no Cause for Alarm

tree by the house

Where did we find a refrigerator larger than our kitchen in Zurich? Is it possible to do business with an insurance agent who’s lived in Oxnard his entire life? If California told you that your coffee contained chemicals known to cause cancer, would that be a ‘cause for alarm’? How about if they added that your new car, meals at every restaurant, household paint, potted plants and toothbrushes contained similar (gasp!) chemicals? Suppose that your container was ‘randomly’ selected for a special examination by US customs - and you had to pay extra for them to do their job. Would this be ‘cause for alarm’?
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Forgotten storage snows Beirut Tango movie

Darius in vancouver copy

Would you like to learn about Melika’s sure-fire business plan? (Why are Dan and Nazy ideal customers? Did Darius disprove the concept?) What would happen to Washington if arrogance and ignorance resulted in an uncontrolled chain reaction? Where can you read a journal page written by a five year old in 1985? Read More...
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Butterfly Eucalyptus cookies with Addams Family commercials

XMAS Square Croped

Would laundry detergent in the dishwasher create a white Christmas? Where do you go to see 50,000 hibernating monarch butterflies? Will anyone listen to Miss Madeline, the non-sentient navigation computer? And what does Dan think about TV commercials in America? Read More...
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iPhone text debacle with Big bill elvis costumes

rainbow and gull


Who can make a telephone purchase complicated? (Why aren’t we surprised?) Which service provider is unable to make text messaging work? (Text Messaging, Verizon!) Do you have a (future) son-in-law who owns an Elvis costume? Do you exist if you don’t have a California driver’s license?
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First class elbows tax exit plans


sunrise la vista

How well-polished are Dan’s negotiation skills? See him test them out with the $wiss taxation authorities? Why did the TSA inspector, who’s radiation device spotted an anomaly on Dan’s elbow, pat down Dan’s butt? Should Dan have pointed that out? (Will he ever learn to shut up?) Read More...
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Move relocate decamp box pack ship - and - shop

packing

Would you be comfortable with a 6:15AM taxi to catch a 7:10AM international flight - in Lebanon? Who could make that work? Have you ever fallen in love with a dining room table? (Or fallen ‘in hate’?) Is there a boat big enough to carry Nazy’s clothes to America?

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Camels Pyramids The Sphinx and Nihilism on the Nile

two large pyramids

What did Napoleon want to do with the Pyramids? Can an Egyptian artisan reproduce the ‘real, pure’ essence of Nazy’s Hermes perfume with locally marinated herbs? Is the Cairo Bazaar Grand? And, would you rather go on a boat trip down the Nile or bargain with the locals in a nearby (upscale) mall?

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Gasoline Prices Flummox Christian Pharaohs in Cairo

spinx and ph

When Darius said ‘gas is expensive’ did he really mean that petrol costs $21 a liter in Lebanon? How did the Pharaohs reverse the standard flow of time from past to present? (Why would they do it?) Would you rather have a 5000 year old Egyptian obelisk or a 200 year old French clock?

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Sidon Honey tYre harbor Old (and new) Ruins

hippodrome 2

The city was 9000 years old - Phoenician, Assyrian, Persian, Roman, Crusader, Byzantine and more - so should you conclude that the best time to visit was 2000 years ago? Would you go there in the rain? How many different kinds of honey are available in the Souq in Sidon? Where are ancient ruins in better shape than modern ruins?

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flawed Homeland tangled wires In beirut

Harrii mosque with ruins in forground

Does anyone wear a hijab on Hamra Street in Beirut? Who would shoot a film that is set in Los Angeles on the streets of Teheran? (And why?) Is civilization possible in a country without Coke Zero? If you heard a loud boom in Beirut would you think ‘thunder’ or ...

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TAKSI Spices at the Rock Boutique

very colorful beads

Is it a coincidence that the opening scene of the new James Bond movie (Skyfall) took place in the Grand Bazaar? Will the Istanbul taxi drivers scam Dan? (Probably not if Nazy is with him.) Does Nazy know how to drive a Turkish Ferry Boat? Read More...
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Moses and Mohammad Queue in Istanbul

hagia sophia at sunset

Did Moses have a staff or a cane? What’s easier to spell: Istanbul or Constantinople? How did Nazy bypass the queue to see the three spoons diamond - an 86 carat boulder? Does mythological history work for you - or are you tied to boring objective fact? And who shut the door to Dan’s Harem? Read More...
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Turkish Delights, Bazaar-ing Nights, trouble-free flights

byzzee sofia picture


What’s the excess baggage allowance on Turkish Air? Can Istanbul’s Grand Bazaar survive an assault from Nazy? (And, will the family wallet survive?) What happened when Darius’ laptop entered it’s last lap? (And why does it matter?)
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Dance with Lance snow the plants

trees in seegraben

Did the Seegraben Festival organizers base their Swimming Pumpkin sculpture on a photograph of Dan? Who decided to skip autumn - moving directly from summer to winter? Is there any rational reason for a trip to Beirut? Read More...
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Broccoli saves the Lebanese downsized Finger


temple of hera

How can a (taste-free) vegetable like broccoli save Nazy’s finger? Where do they take the term ‘down-size’ literally? What does the OJ trial have to do with a Zurich medical device? Read More...
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Flying Fingers Broken Mugs Fired Pottery


in castle

What does a shopping cart miscue in 2006 have to do with a kitchen disaster in 2012? Why did Nazy shatter Darius’ hand-made, ceramic mug? (Why was Dan brave enough to mention that?) Where would you put a lost finger?

Note: The photo is unrelated to the content of the letter.
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Butterfly robes until the Cows come home

nazy in albeuve

Who needs depth charges inn the swimming pool? How would you retrieve a Schmettering (butterfly) robe from the laundry? Why is the Swiss Bénichon Festival the best thing to do after you’ve been trapped in a dreadfully slow queue? Read More...
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Haughty waiters chase costumed Christmas fish


costume galore

What’s the best word to describe the Ribeauville waiter: Haughty? Rude? Slow? or Typical? Where are the most colorful tablecloths on sale? Where do the adults wear costumes on Dan’s birthday? Is Riquewihr “on the way home”? Read More...
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rainy glaciers express romantic ribeauville hotels

ribeauville 8

Where would you find a ‘romantic room’ (La chambre Romantique) suitable for a ménage à trois? (Hint: It’s not in Switzerland.) What rare event made Dan forgo dessert? (Astonishingly, it wasn’t a turnip cake.) How do you keep the birds from eating your grapes? Read More...
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piddle paddling with putin and miserable haircuts


dan crawl 2 in lake

Can Jean Valjean find an affordable barber in Zürich? Why did Moby Dick guide a bleeding Dan to an ice berg in the middle of Lake Zürich? How do you get the warm and fuzzy feeling that comes when a tarantula scurries between your chest and teeshirt? Read More...
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Dragon swords and Cello Guns In Lenzberg Castle

Lenzberg castle


Will a casual acquaintance close his 122,000 caret diamond deal? (Can Bugs Bunny eat 122,000
carrots?) Can you picture Nazy riding a motorcycle? How does Dan look in a knight’s helmet? (See here). And, how did Dan get a photo of a Falcon in flight? Read More...
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A fistful of scooters bully william in a Sieve


Wallensee

Is the target of a bully the bullyee? Why is marital bliss impossible for Kate and William? Who would set an official Ph.D. diploma on fire? And who made our (unscripted) day? Read More...
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Dimly Lit candidates and Persian exhibit in zug

zug old rest

Why are candles brighter than eco-friendly “light” bulbs? (Why are eco-friendly light bulbs brighter than politicians?) What would you do with a silver, chrome-plated Vespa motor scooter? Is there a pink house in Zug, Switzerland? Read More...
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Legitimate ponzi mullahs (sundial) shade solothurn

church solo

Does an investor’s body have ways to prevent financial loss from a legitimate Ponzi scheme? What is the minimum number of neurons required to be a member of Congress. (Is it less in Missouri?) How much would you pay to cut holes in a groom’s clothes? How much information should you share on a call reporting a painful dental emergency? Read More...
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Magic (La) cage castles legally zoom and cirque


nazy at the redbury

How can you make the 40th wedding anniversary most magical? Who is Iris and why does she love the Circus? Who would want to legally zoom an IPO at 4:00AM? Find out in this, the California edition of The Weekly Letter. Read More...
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Once Upon an M&M anniversary New York Phase


a nazy and dan at wedding

Are ruby-red M&M’s the right gift for a 40th wedding anniversary celebration? Where is the best place to shop in the 21st Century in New York? Who was Intrepid enough to see Once but not Enterprising enough to see the shuttle? Read More...
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McMurdo rental in Istanbul fixes neon screwdriver

statue of liberty


A miracle: All three offspring are in the same part of the world. How did that happen? Who would rent a car in Elko and return it to McMurdo? Why did Nazy break Dan’s handcrafted handy work? (Did she blame Dan for shoddy construction?) What does Barclay have to do with
Fukushima? And why is there a photo of the Statue of Liberty on this edition of The Weekly Letter?
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Independent stumbling hail hits dutch lime

along the Mauritskade


Did the departure of Barclay’s CEO cause hail in Switzerland? What does a Linden Tree (as in ‘Unter den Linden’) have to do with Great Britain? Why did Dan and Nazy fly to Holland? And: Who is Adele? Read More...
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Varnished Wine presages Engagement Drama

dan and bear darcy park dijon


Can Dan prove that Amy the Amaryllis was reincarnated in June? Is it wise to order a Burgundy wine in the Burgundy region of France? (If you think it’s a good idea, please send confirmation to my spouse: nazmartin@hotmail.com.) Is it true that the father always knows what will happen - first?

The photo was taken in Darcy Park in Dijon.
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Beanstalk Amaryllis and Pewter soldiers in Dijon

tower and varnished roof


Who is Amy and why is she stalking Dan and Nazy? Can Dan prove that his cold weather springtime complaint are justified? Which Dijon mustard company is owned by an American conglomerate? Where are the bargains in France: Perfume? Haircuts? Speeding tickets?
Read More...
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Threaded mustard exhibit (Kelly) bags senator


cropped glove leather

What takes longer to produce: A Hermes Kelly Bag or a newborn baby? Which costs more? Where would you go to visit a Mustard Museum? Are US senators intellectually capable of questioning an internationally renowned bank executive? Read More...
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Waterfall Markets st✭ring socially insecure salads


waterfall panorama

You’re in a French gastronomical emporium and you want salad. Obviously your name is not Dan, but what do you do when the waitress says: “No”? How does algorithmic skill enable Dan to paint a masterpiece? What is the social insecurity penalty claws and how does it apply? Read More...
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Vulcanized Elvis chickens flying business Class


sunset 7

What color feet are mandatory for a Bresse Appellation d'Origine Contrôlée) Chicken? What’s more likely to be the headline act in a Rural French Festival: (a) Wine-Tasting?(b) Elvis Impressions? (c) Cheese Sniffing? (d) Belly Dancing? (e) Worker striking? And what does Occam’s Razor tell us about risk management? Read More...
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retroactive exit-cats Watercolored by birthday Militia


Mitra at Tivoli 1993

Who would name a cat after himself? Who is on the A-Team? Nazy! or Dan? Is safer to dodge militias and roadblocks in Lebanon or traffic jams and homeland security in California? And will everyone celebrate Mitra’s Los Angeles birthday with the Tango Challenge?
Read More...
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bank on ascending birth certificates hedged with snow plows


mountains from Rapperswil

Why did the Iranian embassy celebrate a Christian holiday? What do Massachusetts snowplows have to do with Dan’s swimming? Should Congressmen (who don’t know what they’re doing) pass laws to prevent bankers (who don’t know what they’re doing) from being egregiously stupid? Are the rhododendrons finally in bloom?
[Note: Photo is from Rapperswil along Lake Zurich.]
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Citizen Bachmann Eritrea Soulmate Bored Board

Board chairman

Is Switzerland ready for Michele Bachmann? (Does she speak German? English?) Why are the United States and Eritrea soul mates? What is more mature and professional: The HP Board of Directors? Or A pack of panicked penguins fleeing an Orca attack? Hint: The photo shows the Chairman of the HP Board. Read More...
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Silent Moorish frogs read best sellers in colorful pants

naz and yellow lily



Does Dan have time to solve the Riemann hypothesis and find the Higgs boson? Are fiddlehead ferns in the soggy moor an aphrodisiac for the local frogs? Is it possible that Nazy’s pants are more colorful than Dans? Have you bought Amazon best seller: Stumbling Through the Tulips?

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Stumbling through 650 sand-wielding, FöHn-filled,Tulips

B0009203


Will Dan’s book (Stumbling Through the Tulips) make the best seller list? Why is the Sahara the secret to spectacular sunsets? Is it possible for their to be a factual error on the Internet? How does narrative integrity impact newsworthy objectivity?

Read More...
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Clam-digger spectacles and laser dummies


B0006108



In the trousers category: are polka dots more powerful than clam diggers? Is “it’s a little better” a ringing endorsement for Dan’s new website? Is there a military laser strong enough to correct 20-50,000 vision?

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Swans reflect retired overtaxed web weavers


swan


Will Dan’s cleverly diversified retirement plan provide perennial prosperity? How does the US government make it impossible for citizens to work abroad? Do you admire swooning swans reflected on a languid lake?

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Nonagenarian nuns nix nazy’s nifty knots


eiger monck jungfrau

Can nine nonagenarian nuns nix Nazy’s nifty knots?  Will Darius’ optimism and Dan’s pragmatism banish her Majesty’s fog? Will Persian New Year wishes come true if the ritual is rushed? The Weekly Letter reveals all. Read More...
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pansies spring into detoxed defunct internet banks

pansy


Is there a “I don’t do windows” clause in Dan’s marital contract? What will win The Martin Family’s spring popularity contest: Pansy or Geranium? Could Darius be happy with his bank?  And would Melika’s diet be ruled cruel punishment if served to prisoners?
Read More...
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Breathing meditated hope In counterfeit candidacies

naz and dan half seen


Is meditation a life-threatening activity? Are goldfish a protected species? How does media coaching force candidates to act like the electorate has a collectively negative IQ?
Read More...
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Gladiators wielding penalties welcome to Milano


dumuo milano no scaffolding

Can Nazy foil a penalty-crazed gladiatorial transit trooper in Milan? Why do Italian toll booths reproduce faster than fruit flies in sugar factories? What is the best use of a wadded up €50 note? Read More...
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Obsolete sea-salty pomegranates nursing Licensed ladders

pomgrante



Can Dan get the ‘grocery’ certification on his official shopping license? Can factual accuracy (e.g. salt crystals are cubical) win rhetorical points? Will astronomical phenomena - the vernal equinox - cause The Martin Family to relocate? Will the latest issue of The Weekly Letter be published on iScroll?
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Sunny Gluon Apples iGrow perfect orchids


dans orchid


Does Nazy’s orchid garden mediate the strong nuclear force as a gauge boson? Why is Dan scanning the iStore for books written in Bulgarian? What are the most prevalent atomic particles: protons,neutrons, electrons or morons? And, was Western Union’s CEO able to find a company employee who cared about customers?
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Airliner Orville meets practically perfect Mary

Would you select United Airlines or Mary Poppins for your transatlantic flight? How many Q-Tip cotton balls does it take to stuff a pillow? Is red the only color needed to produce modern art? 

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hatter paints three pairs of pants

Can a (mad) Santa Fe hatter sell Dan a beaver felt cowboy hat? Is an Ecuadorian-made Panama hat an economical alternative? How does Darius outsmart the (excess) baggage police? Why do honeybees love Nazy’s watercolors? Read More...
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socks of distinction create websites of wonderment

Did Dan start a fashion trend? Who has the predictive power of George Custer and the patience of a great white shark eying an injured sea lion? Can the words be pressed or should they be rapidly weavered? Read More...
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Taxing HHorse-drawn Paris Mitts

Geographically speaking, is California ‘on to way’ for a trip to New York from Switzerland? Did you know that horse-drawn trams function during an electricity outage?  Who allowed an electricity failure (gasp!) in Zurich? And, is a private jet a tax-efficient investment? Read More...
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filter-free Odysseus trapped in Costa yogurt

Can Nazy reunite Odysseus and Penelope - using a yogurt container and a tea strainer? Is the family’s tax rate too high for a Presidential candidacy? How does the garage qualify Dan for a cruise ship captaincy? Read More...
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Hildebrand Ca$hes Mesopotamian Amaryllis in Marburg

Did Gordon Gekko head the Swiss National Bank? (Or was that Kashya Greenspan?)Who needs to understand the Mesopotamian economy from original principals? (And does that mean interviewing Adam and Eve?) Were our Christmas flowers calendar-challenged? Does Dan’s inability to speak French qualify him for the US Presidency? Read More...
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Red Vests, Ticking Ice and Bloke-Totes

Who would give Dan a ‘purse’, eh “Bloke-Tote” for Christmas? Is ticking ice a threat to family sanity? Would ‘bubbles’ be a good idea for the official 2011 Martin Family photo?




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Supersonic sleds looking good

Should you be worried when your sled generates a sonic boom? What is stronger: gravity or momentum? Who looked good?  Read More...
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Miracles, dumpsters, towers and toes

sunset 3 jan 4 2012



Darius and Melika arrived in Zurich on the same day. Was it a miracle? Was it a cheap parlor trick? Are you ready to see the sights of Moutier, Switzerland? What does Dan have in common with Ibsen¹s The Master Builder? 

Read More...
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The Martin Family Holiday Letter


Oxygen tango family 2010

A report on the comings and goings of The Martin Family through the years in the (much anticipated) annual holiday letter. The Family photo from the previous Christmas is included. A special photo exhibition is also available (see end of posting),

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Toe-Tapping finger-painted angels

What is stronger: Dan’s toe or a coffee-table? What is bigger: Dan’s toe or a championship watermelon?  Can Mitra replicate her Montessori School Artistry? Can Dan still finger paint?  And will the dastardly garage seek revenge?  Read More...
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Heart-felt voucher Trees

holiday ornament



What company refuses to do the “intangibly impossible”? Is elimination of all heart disease risk factors worth the price? Is The Martin Family Christmas Tree as straight and symmetrical as the Washington Monument? 



Read More...
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Bully Angelfish trapped at an Event Horizon in Lebanon

coke dan shirt



Can the retail price of coca cola replace a cost of living index? Will a Lebanese approach save the Euro? (Know any trillionaires?) Can a “75%-off” sale warp the time-space continuum by creating an event horizon?
Read More...
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Lugged Luggage and a pointless st*r



give me your..

Was our return flight as problem-free as the Atlantic crossing of the Titanic?  Why did queuing for a coffee latte result in tooth enamel collecting on Dan’s tongue? (Would you stand in line behind someone with blue hair and a walker? See Photo of Dan by the TSA Queue. Read More...
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€uro-less and luggage-less inside the beltway

washington mon reflect 1



Traveling again, why did Dan choose US Air? What do America’s Presidential candidates have to do with a Swiss Court ruling about nude hiking? Who would think that a Lebanese ATM card would work in Germany? 
Read More...
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Syrian Insight in mud


mudrace

Can Mitra’s broken Insight help Darius prepare a last-minute lecture series about the Syrian economy?  How will Melika’s sprint through the Muddy Malibu Obstacle Course increase the family IQ? Read More...
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Candle-lit, body-painted turniped boars


dan at turnips

Can a candle-lit wild boar turn your world upside down?  How is body paint related to mud-caked sewers and Smurfette? Will Nazy be crushed by a scheduling problem? Read More...
Comments