first class pole vaulter arrives in thundering illegality

dan, arrow and Tiger Sept 2017 rain


Why go to Burning Man to suffer in the heat when it’s 100 degrees right here at home? But, wait! Don’t answer yet! Rain? Thunder? In September in Santa Barbara? Isn’t that as likely as it is that Dan qualifies for the Olympic pole vaulting finals? Who tried to sneak out of Lebanon without an entry stamp on her passport? And, is a birth certificate satisfactory arrival documentation?


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hotel sleeplessness totally (~63%) eclipses wildfire battle stroller

dan and nazy at beach August 2017


What do you do if the weather forecast indicates a 67% chance that the 63% eclipsed sun will be positioned behind a thick layer of clouds? Would you conclude that you have a 100% chance of missing everything? Will you be disappointed when you discover that you weren’t the only one who saw the event? Do Eclipse Viewers make you look cool? As cool as Maui Jim sunglasses? And, by the way, does Dan still have his Maui Jim’s? Is it possible to transport two young boys on an umbrella stroller? And, if so, why would you try?
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United telephones Emirates upgrade on confetti-filled seaplane


dan and Tiger at Fiesta August 2017

Was a business class upgrade (on a 16 hour flight) enough to charm Nazy on her wedding anniversary? And, could Dan swing it without a mortgage? How did United Airlines' transcontinental trip rate compared to business class on Emirates? Hint: It is like comparing the attention span of a humming bird (or the longevity of a White House aide) with the life span of the typical continent. Why would anyone let Dan buy a pair of Maui Jim sunglasses? Did you know that Congress members have the uncanny ability to stand up for an interview even though they have no backbone?
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Coke Zeros (again) as The Prophet (and Arrow) walk

dan, leadra winery background dar and Chiristiane


Did you know that Mount Lebanon is a mountain range and not a mountain? Did you know that there is a 10,000 foot high mountain in Lebanon? What is easier to replace: a transmission or brakes? (And why did the subject arise?) What corporation took advantage of Dan’s time outside of the country? (And how gargantuan was their blunder?) Hint: Not quite as bad as the April 23,1985 disaster.) Did you know that in addition to poetry, Kahlil Gibran was a painter — from Lebanon?
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smoke and ash, butterfly balloons and toys thrill birthday boy


nazy and arrow with arrow shirt

Has Dan found an appropriate use for the clown horn ringtone? Does anyone need to have an Australian accented female announce iPhone callers? And, thinking about that, why do we say the phone ‘rings’ when, in fact, ringing is not what it does? How did the nearby wildfire remind Dan of a snowy night in New Hampshire? Did the music school recycle Tiger’s birthday party hat on Arrow’s first birthday? Who popped the butterfly balloon? And how is the youngest, but grandest daughter sleeping? (And notice that Arrow is wearing an 'arrow' shirt.) Read More...
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software (down) grades Dan’s pretty French (or Farsi) skills

annotated May music school


Who (mindlessly) thought that accepting a software upgrade would be a good idea? How did Tiger foil Dan’s claims of linguistic superiority? And, did it replicate the victory that Mitra achieved a couple of decades earlier? On the subject of speech, is it proper to say “The baby shakes the shakers?”. What about punctuation of the previous sentence? How did a cranberry bagel (with cream cheese) and a pretty French lady feature into martial harmony?
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heavy, salty old ladies softens most orange bulldozer passport


Mitra, Stefan, Tiger and Arrow April 2017

Why, in a checkout queue, is Dan always behind the slowest person on the planet? And, related, why is the stupid one’s mother always pregnant? How did a 40 pound bag of salt and a 15 cent Teddy Bear impact the checkout? If you wanted to keep your PIN code secret — would you choose ‘1234’? (And, if you did, wouldn’t you be able to remember it?) Will the orange one throw a doltish executive order into Nazy’s passport renewal process? Would Tiger rather play with a toy bulldozer in a sandbox or get a haircut? And why does Arrow keeping practicing to master the world’s best face plant? Read More...
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Whales crawl, BMWs talk, Arrows dance and Tigers confuse

music class yellow bird arrow April 2017


Is Coachella simply Woodstock without the rain and counterculture? How did emergency services handle the hijack of Dan’s car? Did matter that a two-year old had seized control of the panic button? How did Tiger deploy a well-placed ‘Excuse me’ in lieu of tears or a tantrum? Can Arrow find a dignified way to crawl? (Hint: dignified = do not put your knees on the ground.) Did anyone tell the whales that we were going to be watching? And, why was Arrow clowning around with percussion instruments?
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verizon’s event horizon breaks kumquats and hearts in lotusland


dan and arrow March 2017 lotusland

Who’s palate is so ‘sophisticated’ that he likes the taste of kumquats? How did Verizon’s customer ‘service’ vanish into the event horizon of a nearby black hole? (This was the Verizon Event Horizon.) Would ATT or Sprint have been better? Would you trust FedEx to deliver the heart being used for your transplant surgery? Where did we learn that Spanish Moss isn’t Spanish and isn’t Moss? Read More...
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Daylight saving grace at New Year derrières with blue M&M

Arrow on table March 2017


Is there any advantage of daylight savings time? (Or ‘summer time’ as they call it in Europe?) Can The Arrow fly? (Hint: he has a walker.) How can literal translations of traditional Persian greetings make you the butt of jokes? How can a shortage of blue
M&Ms create a two year old meltdown? When is stopping for coffee a really dumb idea? Read More...
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equinox blue spectacles and gray wildflowers replace granite


Tiger and Nazy at Lake March 2017

Why must the vernal equinox arrived at 3:28 Pacific Daylight Time? It’s not daylight at 3:28AM. And is it too late for Nazy to stay up or too early for Dan to get up? And why does it matter anyway? Who is wearing new blue spectacles? Hint: It is his favorite color — along with yellow. Are the fabled orange poppies blooming after epic winter rains. Or is a Heimlich Maneuver required to kickstart the flowers? And who is sporting a handlebar mustache? (Or, perhaps, a handlebar pacifier?) Finally, now that it’s been moved outside, does any life remain in the fable Martin Family dining room table? Read More...
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Longer hour hand, lower weight, bigger train & (ampersand) peas


Tiger chasing Nazy March 2017

How did a simple observation about Spring (‘the days are getting longer”) devolve into a two-year old’s observation about time-(space) relativity? How did Dan astonish his doctor during his annual physical? (How did Dan create the illusion that he had followed his physician’s advice?) How did Dr. Bernstein regain the upper hand? Did you know that mashed peas are related to Mt. Saint Helens? How did the peas introduce volcanic concepts to 7 month-old Arrow? And who got to ride on a double-decker train? Read More...
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