broccoli juice floats in big-brimmed, well-goggled, swimming hula hoop

mirror at music class Nov 2017


Does the dire condition, “Hat Brim Envy” afflict every member of The Martin Family? If your hat has a propellor on the top, does that qualify as a ‘cool’ brim? What plan did Dan follow that led to a goggle wearing Tiger? How many parts does a cold juicer have? Why does it matter. What is stronger: the strong nuclear force or the gritty stickiness of nanometer sized particles of spinach? Who is the family hula hoop champion? (Hint: the finalists were Tiger and Arrow.)

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17 pound jackfruit early sunset lights beach walk


dan and Nazy at beach togetther Nov 2017

Why do we ‘save daylight’ during the summer when we already have plenty of daylight? How do Dan and Nazy commiserate with East Coast friends suffering frigid temperatures? Hint: There is a nearby beach. Can the grand(est)dad turn a tour of the vegetable and fruit store into an adventure? By the way, what is a jackfruit? And how much does it weigh? Who would tell the very independent Arrow to take his pacifier out of his mouth before he (tries) to shove oatmeal into it?
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first class pole vaulter arrives in thundering illegality

dan, arrow and Tiger Sept 2017 rain


Why go to Burning Man to suffer in the heat when it’s 100 degrees right here at home? But, wait! Don’t answer yet! Rain? Thunder? In September in Santa Barbara? Isn’t that as likely as it is that Dan qualifies for the Olympic pole vaulting finals? Who tried to sneak out of Lebanon without an entry stamp on her passport? And, is a birth certificate satisfactory arrival documentation?


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hotel sleeplessness totally (~63%) eclipses wildfire battle stroller

dan and nazy at beach August 2017


What do you do if the weather forecast indicates a 67% chance that the 63% eclipsed sun will be positioned behind a thick layer of clouds? Would you conclude that you have a 100% chance of missing everything? Will you be disappointed when you discover that you weren’t the only one who saw the event? Do Eclipse Viewers make you look cool? As cool as Maui Jim sunglasses? And, by the way, does Dan still have his Maui Jim’s? Is it possible to transport two young boys on an umbrella stroller? And, if so, why would you try?
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basmati rice rescues soggy iPhone, but who is watching Arrow


dan and arrow trike July 2017

Who forgot Tiger’s swim suit — just as he began private lessons? Who turned off the pool heater — just as Tiger began private lessons? Who forgot to bring a bag of (basmati) rice to the swimming pool? And, why did it matter? Hint: Who forgot to take the iPhone out of his pocket before entering the swimming pool?) What is the exciting news associated with Emirates Air? And, who is patient about growing up? Read More...
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The sun in the middle of solstice parades as Leandra sleeps


tiger and nazy at light board july 1 2017

How did marching in last year’s Solstice Parade impact decisions about this year’s festivities Hint: last year the temperature was 100℉, Melika was 8½ months pregnant, and Tiger, miffed that someone wouldn’t let him eat ‘all of the donuts’ insisted on being carried. What is a Santa Barbara cascarone? Will Dan be able to convince Microsoft that he lives in the USA? And why does it matter? Hint: He did not buy Microsoft Word from Nokia when he was working in Geneva. Why does Dan want to change Tiger’s name? And, who is excited by being allowed to sleep 4 (whole) uninterrupted hours? Find answers at The Weekly Letter. The newest issue (The sun in the middle of solstice parades as Leandra sleeps) is available directly by clicking here.
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hidden sunglasses chalk up birthday cake kindness


Mitra and Arrow at Music May 2017

How did Nazy help Dan lose (another) pair of sunglasses? Although it will be left as an exercise for the reader to decide who is ultimately to blame, decades of husband experience suggests that the vast majority of fault will lie on the masculine side of the divide. Note: In the previous sentence: strike ‘vast majority’ and replace with ‘all’. Who wants to eat “all” of Mitra’s Birthday Cake? (Hint: It’s not Mitra; she was willing to share.) How did The Martin Family get out of the ensuing conundrum? Why are there ‘always’ chalk drawings at The Old Mission on Mitra’s birthday? Read More...
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software (down) grades Dan’s pretty French (or Farsi) skills

annotated May music school


Who (mindlessly) thought that accepting a software upgrade would be a good idea? How did Tiger foil Dan’s claims of linguistic superiority? And, did it replicate the victory that Mitra achieved a couple of decades earlier? On the subject of speech, is it proper to say “The baby shakes the shakers?”. What about punctuation of the previous sentence? How did a cranberry bagel (with cream cheese) and a pretty French lady feature into martial harmony?
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Glasses and bicycles foster insurance foibles and Jacaranda trees


Tiger and dan swimming no gravity April 2017

Are non-native invasive species subject to a Executive Order ban signed by the current (block) head of the executive branch? Can a tree — especially a beautiful Jacaranda Tree — be dangerous to domestic tranquility? (What about kudzu and fire ants?) Is there an “I hate eye glasses gene?” Why are we keeping Tiger away from row boats and canals? How many passion fruit does it take to balance a honeydew melon on a scale? What miracle did Dan need to perform in The Hague in order to get reimbursement from an insurance company?
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heavy, salty old ladies softens most orange bulldozer passport


Mitra, Stefan, Tiger and Arrow April 2017

Why, in a checkout queue, is Dan always behind the slowest person on the planet? And, related, why is the stupid one’s mother always pregnant? How did a 40 pound bag of salt and a 15 cent Teddy Bear impact the checkout? If you wanted to keep your PIN code secret — would you choose ‘1234’? (And, if you did, wouldn’t you be able to remember it?) Will the orange one throw a doltish executive order into Nazy’s passport renewal process? Would Tiger rather play with a toy bulldozer in a sandbox or get a haircut? And why does Arrow keeping practicing to master the world’s best face plant? Read More...
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Whales crawl, BMWs talk, Arrows dance and Tigers confuse

music class yellow bird arrow April 2017


Is Coachella simply Woodstock without the rain and counterculture? How did emergency services handle the hijack of Dan’s car? Did matter that a two-year old had seized control of the panic button? How did Tiger deploy a well-placed ‘Excuse me’ in lieu of tears or a tantrum? Can Arrow find a dignified way to crawl? (Hint: dignified = do not put your knees on the ground.) Did anyone tell the whales that we were going to be watching? And, why was Arrow clowning around with percussion instruments?
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verizon’s event horizon breaks kumquats and hearts in lotusland


dan and arrow March 2017 lotusland

Who’s palate is so ‘sophisticated’ that he likes the taste of kumquats? How did Verizon’s customer ‘service’ vanish into the event horizon of a nearby black hole? (This was the Verizon Event Horizon.) Would ATT or Sprint have been better? Would you trust FedEx to deliver the heart being used for your transplant surgery? Where did we learn that Spanish Moss isn’t Spanish and isn’t Moss? Read More...
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equinox blue spectacles and gray wildflowers replace granite


Tiger and Nazy at Lake March 2017

Why must the vernal equinox arrived at 3:28 Pacific Daylight Time? It’s not daylight at 3:28AM. And is it too late for Nazy to stay up or too early for Dan to get up? And why does it matter anyway? Who is wearing new blue spectacles? Hint: It is his favorite color — along with yellow. Are the fabled orange poppies blooming after epic winter rains. Or is a Heimlich Maneuver required to kickstart the flowers? And who is sporting a handlebar mustache? (Or, perhaps, a handlebar pacifier?) Finally, now that it’s been moved outside, does any life remain in the fable Martin Family dining room table? Read More...
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Longer hour hand, lower weight, bigger train & (ampersand) peas


Tiger chasing Nazy March 2017

How did a simple observation about Spring (‘the days are getting longer”) devolve into a two-year old’s observation about time-(space) relativity? How did Dan astonish his doctor during his annual physical? (How did Dan create the illusion that he had followed his physician’s advice?) How did Dr. Bernstein regain the upper hand? Did you know that mashed peas are related to Mt. Saint Helens? How did the peas introduce volcanic concepts to 7 month-old Arrow? And who got to ride on a double-decker train? Read More...
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pneumatic sponge balls pixilate potholed (potted?) celebrity


tiger at Moxi long



Can a new museum recreate exciting times from Dan’s childhood? I.e. things like doors that open themselves and a pneumatic tube apparatus that shoots colorful sponge
balls into the air? Where can you see a pixelated photo of Dan and Nazy? How did Tiger’s decisions prove that he shares genes with Nazy? (Hint: He was shopping.] And what happens when you're out celebrity spotting in LA — but the celebrity spots you… or more disappointingly, bypasses you and flirts with your friend?

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