Obsolete sea-salty pomegranates nursing Licensed ladders

I hope that you’re well and happy. Here we await Spring and answer spousal requests:

“And, while you’re out,” Nazy commented. “Pick up some salt and detergent.”

She’s not going to trick me!” I thought before responding: “Of course, my dear. Dishwasher salt or table salt?”

“Table salt, Dan.”

“And the detergent? Dishwasher detergent or..”

“Liquid Palmolive, Dan. Is that simple enough for you?”

“Child’s play,” I responded.


At the local grocery store, I marched directly to the Palmolive display. I shunned the ‘natural’, ‘lemon’, ‘aloe’ and ‘aroma-therapy’ options in favor of the ‘Limited Edition: Pomegranate’. “Nazy will like this,” I thought. “She’s big on pomegranates.” I moved on to the salt - selecting a box of sea salt. “I am so smart,” I thought. “Sea salt is not just simple NaCl. It has trace elements and minerals that are undoubtedly good for you. I wonder which sea these came from?

I joined the typical long check-out queue, grumbling when some nitwit ahead of me presented a bundle of bananas that he had not weighed. The queue got longer as the sole clerk strolled to a scale to weigh the fruit. “I hate clueless fools who hold up the line,” I thought. Eventually I got to the front. But..

Funktionert nicht!” the clerk, who had noted my earlier dismay, was smugly superior.

“CHF4.95,” I replied, having foreseen this development.

Warum Pomegranate?” The person behind me asked.

“CHF4.95,” I repeated - in vain. The clerk ambled to the soap aisle and meandered back to the cash register.

85,” the clerk shouted upon her return. “Sonderangebot” (Special Offer)

Great.” I thought as I gathered my items and left the store.

Back in the safety and security of our apartment, Nazy questioned my choices.

“You bought sea salt, Dan.”

“I know! It’s got minerals.” I retorted knowledgeably. “
Probably from the Dead Sea,” I thought.

“Your salt is too big to come out of the salt shaker,” Nazy continued.

“Don’t we have a salt grinder?”

“These crystals are..”

“Cubes, my dear. All salt crystals are cubes.” [My factually correct assertion did not result in rhetorical victory.]

“Your cubes are too big to fit into the salt shaker. You are not qualified to go shopping.”

“Could we get a salt grinder?”

“This discussion has ground to an end, Dan.”

Shopping experiences aside, Nazy and I are looking forward to the Persian New Year(arriving on the Vernal Equinox). Persian tradition requires a celebration at the exact time of the equinox. In Switzerland, 2012, it occurs at:

“March 20 at 6:14 AM.” I explained after consulting a site recommended by a well-known search engine.

“The 20th?” Nazy replied. “You’re wrong. It
always happens on the 21st.”

“Not this year, It’s on the 19th in California.”

“California is usually behind. Did you say ‘AM’?” Nazy gasped.

“I said 6:14
AM to be exact.”

“We should move.”

“Moving East makes it later, West Earlier.”

“I vote East.”

“How far?”


“Isn’t that...”

“Can we just stay up late?”

“Maybe we could skip..”

“Skip New Year? We’ll have 7 years of bad luck. Remember what happened in Houston?”

“I try to forget.”

“Can you get me up?”

“Sure!” I said. “
How?” I thought.

And finally, a friend of ours just had a baby. I sent a text saying that Nazy and I would like to visit, but she was still in the hospital because:

“She is nursing, Nazy,” I explained. “In Switzerland, they want to make sure that she understands how that works before they’ll let her leave.”

“I thought it was self-explanatory,” Nazy replied.

It’s certainly self-service,” I thought. “She has to take a written exam...”

The baby can handle the oral exam”, Nazy thought
“ ... before getting a license.” I continued.

“Isn’t that..”

“... over the top? Yes, but in Switzerland, you need a license for
everything.” I suddenly recalled an experience in Memphis: I had wanted to clean the gutters on our house, so I rented a long ladder. As I put the ladder into a borrowed truck, the clerk stopped me.

“Do you know how to use that?” He asked.

“I think I’ll be able to figure it out,” I replied. “
I am an engineering Ph.D.,” I thought.

Note: A 25 foot ladder, with a very long lever arm, can develop substantial angular momentum. A licensed practitioner would not put himself in a position to lose control and tumble into the swimming pool.

And, finally Apple has announced the ‘new iPad’. My
iPad (which iFixed) is now two generations in arrears. My iPhone is three generations behind. Even my MacBook Pro is beginning to feel its age. “It’s as if I were inking this letter onto a parchment scroll,” I thought.

Anyway, take care and..

Spousal interrupt: “We need salt for the dishwasher. Can you go to the store?”

“Not now, Nazy. I’m studying for the department store certification on my shopping license.”

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