viscous chicken fingers chocolate mont blanc tourguide
Before coming to Geneva, I prepared by reading about the city. I recalled one particular passage:
“On a clear day, you can see Mont Blanc from Geneva.”
During the initial weeks, it was unable to validate the veracity of the statement: there were no “clear days”. On occasion I could see the smaller, but nearer Jura Mountains. And, when the shockingly rare clear day arrived, it became apparent that “I” wasn’t the “You” to whom the passage referred.
“Maybe I could see it,” I thought, “if I knew where to look”.
As usual, a solution appeared when Nazy arrived. “Mont Blanc is the biggest mountain in Western Europe, so anyone can see it. But to make it easy for you, we will go to Chamonix right next to the mountain.
Accordingly, Nazy booked a trip to France. Aware of likely content of the next several paragraphs, she asked me to make it clear that she did not select the tour guide – a humor-free Scot named Neil (“as in Sadaka, Armstrong and Diamond&rdquo
. Neil was principally concerned with getting home on time.
Although the bus was full of adult tourists (except, of course, for Nazy and me: seasoned Swiss experts), Neil acted like we were all spoiled toddlers. He effortlessly moved into kindergarden teacher mode beginning with a description of the timeline…
“The bus will leave Chamonix at 16:35. If you want to sightsee on your own, do not miss the bus. It will depart at 16:35. We will not wait for you. I will not wait. If you miss the bus, you must take a taxi back to Geneva. Taxi fare is €300. I am not responsible if you miss the bus. It will leave at 16:35. Pay attention when we get to Chamonix. I will point out the departure location using my finger. I will demonstrate the technique now. Finger! Point! Watch my finger!”
“He can watch my finger,” I muttered. “The one I’m using is longer than..”
“Dan!” Nazy interjected. “Don’t use your finger..”
“I am not using it, Nazy. I am giving it to..”
“Dan!”
Unfazed, Neil continued as we drove through Geneva. “This is the most expensive shopping street in Geneva. It’s not smart to shop here, the prices are high. So unless you care about brands…”
“I bet he’s popular with the tourism board,” Nazy whispered.
Neil continued. “You can buy expensive Swiss Chocolate. But I have a secret. Migros (A local grocery store, sort of like Kroger in the USA or Tesco in the UK or Albert Hein in The Netherlands) has made a deal with Nestle. You can get genuine Nestle chocolate in a Migros wrapper for less than half the price of Lindt or Sprüngli (1836) or Frey or Chocolat de Villars (1901) It’s a good present for the nieces and nephews who don’t know the difference.”
Note: In fact, Nestle is a successor to the first chocolate company founded in Switzerland and Kraft foods came from the second such company.
“He’s probably going to offer to sell us counterfeit wrappers to disguise the Nestle bars for important friends.” I thought.
“… all the rest of them cost too much and most people can’t tell the difference. There is a shop in Chamonix that sells empty chocolate tins. If you like…”
Neil continued to pontificate, but I tuned him out.. until we arrived in Chamonix – where he upped the volume. This bus will depart from here at 16:35. This is the SNCF Train station. Watch! Finger! Train Station! Finger! Lunch Restaurant! 12:45! Be on time or your meal will be given to someone else. “Finger! Green Bridge! 13:50! Come late and you will have to walk the 6 miles uphill to the glacier.”
He dropped us off in front of the cable car to the top of Midi. 3870 meters (12,700 feet). “You’ll feel miserable when you get to the top. No oxygen. Lunch: 12:45! Finger..”
In fact, neither Nazy nor I felt bad at high elevation. More importantly, it was a relief to be away from Neil – who couldn’t come because “the altitude was too dangerous”. Dangerous? No! Great view? Yes! Although it didn’t look like it – we were 1000 meters lower than Mont Blanc. An actual ascent of 15,710 foot Mont Blanc begins at 3:00 AM and takes a couple of days. We decided that, like the Statue of Liberty, the view from afar is better than the view from inside. (At the peak, we would probably have been under about 10 meters of snow.)
Naturally there was a restaurant and they had the right refreshment. (See photo).
The view, the weather, the setting were all magnificent. But, of course, we couldn’t be late for lunch. Nazy chose smartly: salmon. My selection..
“What is that?” Nazy asked casting a skeptical eye in the direction of my “food”.
“It is supposed to be chicken,” I responded. “But it is as dry and desiccated….”
“Dry? How is that possible? It’s covered by some kind of smelly sauce.”
“That ‘sauce’, which smells like carrion, has the viscosity of motor oil drained from a 1951 Studebaker after it travelled 500,000 miles. It’s thick. It cannot penetrate the ‘chicken’ which is impervious to everything except aqua regia.”
“Aqua..”
“A mixture of nitric and hydrochloric acid. I couldn’t cut this ‘chicken’ with a chain saw.”
“I told you to choose the fish,” Nazy noted pointedly. “Mine is great.”
Having made the mistake of eating the mashed potatoes – which were now testing my digestive system – I was ready to leave. We took a cog rail trip to a glacier and walked down (and back up) 404 steps. The glacier has receded dramatically in the last ten years. In 2003, it was 142 steps to the glacier. [Note to climate change skeptics: “I realize that this is a local phenomenon that is not necessarily applicable to global warming.”]
Even though we knew the fingered bus would be leaving at 16:35, we found a little time to shop in Chamonix before heading back to Geneva. The city of Chamonix is very pretty. That evening, Nazy treated me to a great Father’s Day dinner at an outside restaurant overlooking Lake Geneva.
Interestingly, Lake Geneva is the biggest lake in Europe, but it is not the biggest lake in Switzerland. [Most of it is in France.]
Thanks to Nazy’s arrival, excitement has imbued the region. She arranged a visit with friends in Zurich and talked Darius into coming to Geneva to see us. More about this in the next edition of The Weekly Letter – coming soon to an internet near you.
A building in Chamonix