locusts flipflop through winter beach walks with fish tank

dan and Arrow Jan 2019 beach

How do know it’s winter in Santa Barbara? (Hint: It has to do with flip flops.) Does anyone know which counties were most impacted by the locust swarm of 1875? And why is that more important than the locust swarm of 1931 or the Egyptian one of 1400BC? How did the ‘professionals’ handle installation of Dan’s aquarium? Did Tiger really get a haircut? (And why?) Was the Wolf Blood Super Moon Eclipse worth the hype?

Wicked weather romantically perfumes in double Labyrinth

family push

Will Dan’s romantic Christmas present take the cake? (Or was the cake left out in the rain?) Would it have been more well-received if it had arrived on time? Why did the postal authorities take a delivery route that featured a double labyrinth? Why did Dan think it was a Wicked(ly) good idea? Has the rainy season come to Santa Barbara? Why do they call it a ‘forehead’ if you only have one of them? Why does it take three people to push Azelle’s stroller? Read More...

very early Thanksgiving trip makes Volvo lose its marbles

nazy azelle and tiger Nirvana Nov 2018

What does a Volvo sound like when the brakes are applied? How is the sound different if the brake pads on the left rear wheel are, eh, gone? What do you do if the Volvo dealer is inaccessible? (The freeway is closed by wildfires.) Who builds the best
marble maze constructs? How is ‘best’ defined? What is a pokey tree? Where will Dan and Nazy (and Tom and Melika and Tiger and Arrow and Azelle and Jackson and Reagan) be for Thanksgiving? Read More...

Juvenile jokes, sleepless children, wine slush and flying pigs

Nazy by flying pigs and butterfly

Can Dan’s (juvenile) jokes — involving funny faces and bodily sounds — generate a chortle from (the amazing) Azelle? Do you think they’ll be too high brow for Tiger and Arrow? What is California’s answer to Gluehwein? (Remember that Gluehwein, a European Christmas season favorite, is a bad tasting wine served at the wrong temperature.) The title of this edition may give you an idea of the answer. Where can you find a herd of flying pigs? Where are Dan and Nazy planning to spend the weekend?

Azelle notes Musth Aromatics, Arrow’s six packs and Tiger’s Beard

Nazy and Azelle Oct 13 2018

How does Tiger look with a goatee? (And how did Johnson Baby Shampoo help him pull off the impersonation?) What did Arrow think of Baby Shampoo? Hint: He’s the one with the beautiful hair. And I speak as an expert in ‘hair’ (lose). If you gained weight at the same rate as Azelle, how long would it take before the planet started to orbit around you? What ‘sparkling wine’ tastes like aspirin dropped in a glass of Alka Seltzer? And why isn’t anyone embarrassed by the gargantuan increase in the annual deficit? Read More...

Duct tape launches first debonair rainfall with Leandr

dan and nazy seven gables salem

Which airline delayed a flight because “an overhead bin door won’t close”? How big was the tool box that the mechanic assigned to fix the door pulled into the (wide body) airplane? Hint: It would have been better if the aisle was wide-body. How did the expertise that Dan garnered at Georgia Tech solve the problem? Hint: A real engineer only needs two items: Duct Tape and WD-40. What is a gable and why does a Salem house have seven of them? Why doesn’t Tiger want to be suave, charming, sophisticated and debonair? How did (the lovely) Leandra react when she saw the (local) family after a summer in Beirut?

Arrow can do it, Tiger waters it, Leandra walks to it, Azelle fits in it

The family at Melika's mitra, mel, dan, tiger, arrow september 2018

What’s the financial impact of a decades-long rainless ‘rainy’ season? Hint: the new house has an irrigation system and the new water bill has arrived. How long did Dan let the letter from the taxation authorities simmer on his desk before gathering enough courage to open it? Who has learned to say “
I CAN DO IT!”? Has Azelle learned to smile? Already? Who is very, very popular at the playground? Read More...

Calvada detonation falls sideways on Maui security system

Stefan, Mitra and Azelle

Would you spend money for two acres of sand, eh, ‘land’ in Nevada? Would it matter if the ‘land’ had turned to glass because of a nearby nuclear weapon test site? Would the results of the nuclear test ban treaty have any impact on your decision? Why don’t things fall up? Can anything fall sideways? How did a life experience (and business decision) in Maui help prevent a bad family investment in Santa Barbara? Has (the amazing) Azelle mastered the skills necessary to be a beautiful baby?

Refunds abound while BOBOLYNE Pilots stop for hamburgers

Arrow looking cool August 31 2018

How will Dan and Nazy spend the refund check that they received from the medication insurance plan? Hint: They are considering an option that involves splitting a low-dosage aspirin tablet. Has your flight ever been delayed because there was a “long line at McDonalds” where the pilots stopped to get a hamburger before sauntering to the gate? Who forgot to sign their passport before an international trip? (And how many times was it missed by heavy border security?) What is the name of the
dullest airport on the planet? Would you remove the training wheels on your bicycle before or after a collision with a (thorny) rose bush?

Leandra christened, poltroons dither, Tiger cares and Arrow shares

Leandra Christening

How did two-year old Arrow attempt to endear himself to his new sister? Why were his Mom and grandparents far more impressed than the 1 week old baby? And did the new baby accelerate Tiger’s maturity process? Would any reader like to purchase a copy of the Los Angeles Times with the headline: “
On The Moon!”? What big event was celebrated, in Lebanon, by (the lovely) Leandra and her family? Is it necessary to neatly pack garbage? If you’re in pre-school, what’s cooler - a starfish or a dolphin? What is a paltroon? (And why are so many of them ‘serving’ in Congress?) Read More...

Safety clothing and Volvo software swim with Beep Beep Arrow

luckys two

Where is there a park named after a person who’s last name is ‘Park’? How about — where is there a Chemistry Hall named after someone who’s last name is “Hall”? Hint: Dan still has frightening dreams of a cane-wielding Chemistry professor named A.C. Topp holding court in said Hall. How long should it take for ‘new software’ to be downloaded to a 2018 Volvo? Hint: The Cassini space probe, crushed by a deliberate dive into the planet Saturn is still capable of faster transmission. Is it possible to convince a three year old that ‘water safety class’ means swimming with your clothes on? Hint: The answer is ‘No!’ Would you even try to convince a one year old? Does “Mama Beep Beep” qualify as a ‘real two word sentence’? Read More...

Scheduling miscues impact First Brother, Local Consultant and Best Wife

dan, tiger, Arrow at MOXI Feb 2018

Why is it best to book the first flight out of small airport? Can anything go wrong when you follow this ‘best’ advice? What is the difference between being the ‘Big Brother’ and being the ‘First Brother’? Specifically, does this make Wednesday arrive before Tuesday? What’s the word for the slow-motion video exhibit at the Children’s Museum in Santa Barbara? And how does Arrow get the message across? What would you do if someone took your red ball?

Paper Art Thanksgiving: Everyone who matters is here

family photo letter 2 (ok from Chrisitane?)

When was the last time that
everyone in The Martin Family was in the same place for Thanksgiving? (Don’t despair, we can’t remember either.] When was the first time that The Martin Family wasn’t in the same place for Thanksgiving? [We do remember this?] Have you ever been stuck in an airport with only a nickel? Who didn’t want to cooperate while we took, or more accurately, attempted to take the annual family photo? What exactly is paper art? Read More...

Wedding music serenades planetarium art as banks and homes collide

The grandest children

How long did it take Nazy to get ready to attend a wedding? Hint: The wedding was on Saturday; At 3:15PM on The Saturday. Nazy was at the Santa Barbara airport baggage claim area. How many dumb things did Dan buy on the Internet while Nazy was traveling? What do you do if your bank has ‘no money’ after 2:00PM on a Friday afternoon? Would you be especially annoyed if your tax dollars had been used to bail out said bank? How can Arrow improve his cat feeding technique? And can Dan wrest control of ‘his’ iPad from a Tiger determined to get the high score? Read More...