Juvenile jokes, sleepless children, wine slush and flying pigs
“Your jokes were always a bit juvenile,” Nazy interjects.
“My jokes are apt and quick witted…”
“…you’re just making faces and sounds, Dan.”
“ … and aimed that the level of the audience, Nazy.” I concluded.
We met a veritable city-full of Melika and Tom’s friends when we arrived in Santa Barbara. None of them had children. Now, they all have children and most of them have at least two. In common, they have discovered that putting the oldest child to bed is time-consuming and procedural, while, in contrast, the second child is easy going and simple. We’ve seen the same thing with Tiger and Arrow. Typically:
Arrow has ‘a’ book that he likes (Five Little Monkeys). He wants ‘a’ bottle and then he points to his bed.
Tiger, in contrast, wants several books (most of them long). Deciding on the books entails negotiation and compromise (but not on his part). He doesn’t want to change into PJs. He wants a song.. or two … or three. He doesn’t want to go to sleep by himself, he wants you to stay until he has gone to sleep. (And that can take a lot of time.)
Thus, you can imagine my shock on Saturday night when I was putting Tiger to bed. “Two books, Dan.” He commanded.
“Let’s read one book first.” I replied — choosing the shorter one.
“Okay,” Tiger acquiesced.
When I finished the book, I noticed that Tiger seemed a bit sleepy.
“Another book,” He ‘suggested’.
“Why not just one book today?” I asked.
“Okay.” Tiger replied. Stunned, I struggled to continue the discussion. “Do you want me to stay with you until you fall asleep.”
“Yes,” He mumbled.
“I didn’t hear you.” I replied — to silence.
“That was amazing,” I thought.
It’s not clear, of course, that the trend will continue:
Flashback
Memphis, Tennessee 1980’s
I was (of course) the master of putting Darius to bed. Not only the master, but the only person who was acceptable. Every night, climbed the stairs together, we read the same book, sang the same song, tucked him in and left — fully convinced of my own parental skillset. No one else could put Darius to bed. And then one evening we were on the stairs when Darius had a change of heart.
“I don’t like that book. I don’t like that song. And I don’t like you!”
“Eh?” I replied — oozing articulateness.
“I want Mommy to put me to bed.”
And with that, my bedtime monopoly vanished — just like objective truth in a tweet storm.
End Flashback
This weekend, Nazy and I decided to drive to Los Olivos, a nearby city in the Santa Yzez Valley. We wanted to have a relaxing breakfast and have some time to look at the world famous Los Olivos Garden Center. But, unbeknownst to us, it was Harvest Festival Weekend — a really big deal in Los Olivos.
“Look at this, Nazy,” I said, as a series of parking attendants directed us back toward Santa Barbara. “It might have been easier to walk.”
“We’ve driven 30 miles, Dan.” Nazy replied, pointedly.
We eventually parked in a nearby pasture and began to trek to town. When we arrived, I made a mental note.
“I should have remembered where we parked,” I thought, belatedly.
It was really crowded. Halloween motif stuff competed with California-themed potables.
“Wine Slush?” I questioned after seeing the booth.
“Sounds great to me.” Nazy replied.
“It reminds me of the Gluehwein that they had in Switzerland during Christmas season.”
‘What?”
“Both aim to create something bad tasting from wine.”
“I like it.” Nazy replied after a taste test. “It’s like a wine slurpee.”
After slush and brunch (Nazy actually let me eat a hamburger!), we visited the garden shop. This place is, well, unbelievable. Although Nazy and I were searching for a fountain to place on the terrace of the new house, we saw a huge collection of colorful lawn sculptures —including flying pigs and ..
“Which reminds me, Nazy, of a recent speech by his orangeness.”
“Excuse me?”
“In the space of 20 minutes, he inflated the number of USA ‘jobs’ that will result from the Saudi arms deal from 20,000 to 1,000,000. The last time there was inflation like that was in the nanoseconds after the Big Bang that created the universe.”
“What’s that have to do with flying pigs, Dan?”
Flying Pigs
“If he ever tells the truth, pigs will fly. He is fake news. It is so troubling that his base responds to fear tactics. I would think that America was great when it’s voters weren’t shivering, cowardly and fearful. And, by the way, it was a Republican KKK mob that cheered as someone drove a car into a group of demonstrators.”
“Maybe you’re too …”
“ … disgusted? Don’t forget to vote.”
Last weekend, Mitra and Stefan drove up to visit. They spent most of Saturday with Melika, Tom and the grandchildren. It was …
“Fun, Dad.” Mitra enthused. “But..”
“But?”
“It is really draining to take care of those boys. I like to concentrate on one thing at a time — give it my full attention. But if there are two children, it’s hard to..
“ … impossible…” I interjected.
“Yeah. I don’t know how parents do it.”
“Most parents live through the experience.”
This week we will fly to Washington State to visit Darius, Christiane and (the lovely) Leandra. And, because of developments with Christiane, we think that a gender reveal may be on the agenda.
For last week's letter, please click here.
Dan in Los Olivos
with New Hat