Longer hour hand, lower weight, bigger train & (ampersand) peas
’ve found that describing seasonal change and time to a two year old can be challenging.
“Have you noticed, Tiger,” I said, “that the days are getting longer?”
“The days are getting longer, Dan?” He replied.
“That’s right. The sun sets later during spring. When we drove to your swimming class in the winter it was dark. It’s not dark now. The sun has not set.”
“The days are longer!”
“Right,” I replied. “I’ve described that well,” I thought.
“A clock has a long hand and a short hand,” he interjected.
“That’s right, Tiger.”
“Maybe in the spring the long hand gets longer?”
“Hmm,” I replied cogently. “The concept of ‘time’ is exceptionally complex. Perhaps we should begin our studies of general relativity. Tomorrow.”
Note: For Tiger, doing something ‘tomorrow’ means that it hasn’t happened yet. “Yesterday” can refer to anything that has already happened.
Of course, Tiger also enjoys ‘little boy’ things too — like playing on the slide.
Once a year I have my annual physical. It’s never fun being poked and prodded. It’s also a completely predictable experience — Dr. Bernstein will describe typical ‘highs’ like blood pressure, weight, pulse rate and cholesterol. He’ll tell me to eat more kale and less bread. So, this time, I prepared.
“Your cholesterol, pulse and blood pressure are …”, “surprisingly”, Dr Bernstein thought, before continuing to speak: “excellent.” Dr. Bernstein said. (I noted the pause before the ‘excellent’.)
“And your weight,” he said as he looked at his notes, “is 8 pounds less than at this time last year.”
I glowed while Dr. Bernstein stared at me.
“Were you trying to lose weight?” Dr. Bernstein asked.
“Yes! You told me to loss between 5 and 10 pounds,” I replied.
“I tell everyone to do that but nobody ever does. Usually when people lose weight something is wrong.”
“I exercise, Dr. Bernstein. I watch what I eat.” I replied. “I especially like to watch the cakes and donuts,” I thought.
“Let’s check your prostate,” Dr. Bernstein said, regaining the upper hand. (Or at least the upper finger.)
Note: Dr. Bernstein’s nurse takes my weight before I’ve disrobed — i.e. while I’m wearing cloths and shoes. So, this time, I left my wallet in the car, didn’t wear a belt, emptied all the coins from my pockets, eschewed a tee shirt, wore slippers instead of my cowboy boots and omitted my jacket. My stellar performance may have been positively impacted (to a small extent) by these actions. The great pulse, blood pressure and cholesterol readings were surprising to me.
This weekend, Melika and Tom went to LA to celebrate Melika’s birthday. Nazy and I took care of Tiger and Arrow. I took Tiger to MOXI (the local children’s museum) and then we took both boys to nearby Carpentaria on the Amtrak train. The train was a little late (perhaps because Amtrak outsourced scheduling to a company called Random Connections Inc (RCI). Then, RCI subcontracted the work to Chaos Networks Unlimited.
Nevertheless, everyone had a great time. Tiger was especially happy to discover that we were riding a ‘double decker’ train. Arrow, I have to say, didn’t seem particularly excited by the train ride, but he is very excited to spend time with Tiger.
During the week, on our day to watch Arrow, Nazy had a hair appointment. She left me with Arrow.
“Don’t worry,” she said as she left. “He’s napping. He’ll sleep for at least two hours. We’re out of formula, I’ll bring some when I come back home. If he’s hungry, give him a jar of baby food.”
“Great.” I said. “Every time Nazy left a napping Tiger with me,” I thought, “he woke up while she was backing out of the driveway.”
I shouldn’t have been so cynical. Nazy was at least 150 meters past the house before Arrow awoke. And, even though he can’t talk, it was absolutely clear that he was hungry. I brought him downstairs and sat him in the highchair. Aware of previous success with baby applesauce, bananas and pears, I located the only remaining jar…
“Peas?” I thought.
Arrow, seeing the jar, began to salivate.
“He is soooo excited,” I thought as I presented him a spoonful of mashed peas. His response was immediate and explosive. “That looks like my 7th grade science project: a volcano made with baking soda and vinegar,” I thought, erroneously. It actually looked like the ejecta from the meteor strike that caused the dinosaurs to go extinct. The reaction was accompanied by a shriek that sounded like a herd of frightened elephants. The look on his face reminded me of a Presidential appointee tasked with explaining the latest tweet from his boss.
“He must not like peas,” I thought as he scrapped green stuff off of his bib and threw it on the floor. He didn’t calm down until I’d cleaned his chin, changed his clothes, hidden the bib and washed out his mouth with fresh water.
“Bring formula and fruit” I texted to Nazy. “NO PEAS”
As I mentioned a couple of weeks ago, Tiger is very adept with technology. He ‘knows’ Siri (he asks about the time, the date, about the weather and for pictures of airplanes).He also knows the computer keyboard. (His favorite key remains “&”— which he likes to be blue.)
Naturally, young Arrow, as the baby brother, is highly competitive. While visiting his Mom for lunch, he demonstrated his interest in all things technical. (Tiger assures me that Arrow is just playing, “Arrow doesn’t know the alphabet, Dan.”
“Have you noticed, Tiger,” I said, “that the days are getting longer?”
“The days are getting longer, Dan?” He replied.
“That’s right. The sun sets later during spring. When we drove to your swimming class in the winter it was dark. It’s not dark now. The sun has not set.”
“The days are longer!”
“Right,” I replied. “I’ve described that well,” I thought.
“A clock has a long hand and a short hand,” he interjected.
“That’s right, Tiger.”
“Maybe in the spring the long hand gets longer?”
“Hmm,” I replied cogently. “The concept of ‘time’ is exceptionally complex. Perhaps we should begin our studies of general relativity. Tomorrow.”
Note: For Tiger, doing something ‘tomorrow’ means that it hasn’t happened yet. “Yesterday” can refer to anything that has already happened.
Of course, Tiger also enjoys ‘little boy’ things too — like playing on the slide.
Once a year I have my annual physical. It’s never fun being poked and prodded. It’s also a completely predictable experience — Dr. Bernstein will describe typical ‘highs’ like blood pressure, weight, pulse rate and cholesterol. He’ll tell me to eat more kale and less bread. So, this time, I prepared.
“Your cholesterol, pulse and blood pressure are …”, “surprisingly”, Dr Bernstein thought, before continuing to speak: “excellent.” Dr. Bernstein said. (I noted the pause before the ‘excellent’.)
“And your weight,” he said as he looked at his notes, “is 8 pounds less than at this time last year.”
I glowed while Dr. Bernstein stared at me.
“Were you trying to lose weight?” Dr. Bernstein asked.
“Yes! You told me to loss between 5 and 10 pounds,” I replied.
“I tell everyone to do that but nobody ever does. Usually when people lose weight something is wrong.”
“I exercise, Dr. Bernstein. I watch what I eat.” I replied. “I especially like to watch the cakes and donuts,” I thought.
“Let’s check your prostate,” Dr. Bernstein said, regaining the upper hand. (Or at least the upper finger.)
Note: Dr. Bernstein’s nurse takes my weight before I’ve disrobed — i.e. while I’m wearing cloths and shoes. So, this time, I left my wallet in the car, didn’t wear a belt, emptied all the coins from my pockets, eschewed a tee shirt, wore slippers instead of my cowboy boots and omitted my jacket. My stellar performance may have been positively impacted (to a small extent) by these actions. The great pulse, blood pressure and cholesterol readings were surprising to me.
This weekend, Melika and Tom went to LA to celebrate Melika’s birthday. Nazy and I took care of Tiger and Arrow. I took Tiger to MOXI (the local children’s museum) and then we took both boys to nearby Carpentaria on the Amtrak train. The train was a little late (perhaps because Amtrak outsourced scheduling to a company called Random Connections Inc (RCI). Then, RCI subcontracted the work to Chaos Networks Unlimited.
Nevertheless, everyone had a great time. Tiger was especially happy to discover that we were riding a ‘double decker’ train. Arrow, I have to say, didn’t seem particularly excited by the train ride, but he is very excited to spend time with Tiger.
During the week, on our day to watch Arrow, Nazy had a hair appointment. She left me with Arrow.
“Don’t worry,” she said as she left. “He’s napping. He’ll sleep for at least two hours. We’re out of formula, I’ll bring some when I come back home. If he’s hungry, give him a jar of baby food.”
“Great.” I said. “Every time Nazy left a napping Tiger with me,” I thought, “he woke up while she was backing out of the driveway.”
I shouldn’t have been so cynical. Nazy was at least 150 meters past the house before Arrow awoke. And, even though he can’t talk, it was absolutely clear that he was hungry. I brought him downstairs and sat him in the highchair. Aware of previous success with baby applesauce, bananas and pears, I located the only remaining jar…
“Peas?” I thought.
Arrow, seeing the jar, began to salivate.
“He is soooo excited,” I thought as I presented him a spoonful of mashed peas. His response was immediate and explosive. “That looks like my 7th grade science project: a volcano made with baking soda and vinegar,” I thought, erroneously. It actually looked like the ejecta from the meteor strike that caused the dinosaurs to go extinct. The reaction was accompanied by a shriek that sounded like a herd of frightened elephants. The look on his face reminded me of a Presidential appointee tasked with explaining the latest tweet from his boss.
“He must not like peas,” I thought as he scrapped green stuff off of his bib and threw it on the floor. He didn’t calm down until I’d cleaned his chin, changed his clothes, hidden the bib and washed out his mouth with fresh water.
“Bring formula and fruit” I texted to Nazy. “NO PEAS”
As I mentioned a couple of weeks ago, Tiger is very adept with technology. He ‘knows’ Siri (he asks about the time, the date, about the weather and for pictures of airplanes).He also knows the computer keyboard. (His favorite key remains “&”— which he likes to be blue.)
Naturally, young Arrow, as the baby brother, is highly competitive. While visiting his Mom for lunch, he demonstrated his interest in all things technical. (Tiger assures me that Arrow is just playing, “Arrow doesn’t know the alphabet, Dan.”
For last week's letter, click here
Nazy and Tiger at the Train Station
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