rainless season wireless surfing evacuates garden balloon
Here in California, normalcy has returned: it’s a rainless ‘rainy’ season. We’re in the 7th straight year of drought and, not surprisingly, seven of the ten most destructive fires in California history have occurred in the last three years. The ‘president’, unfamiliar with science (or natural language, or human empathy or economics, or optimism) blames a lack of forest management. He fails to note that the fires are in federal forests which he is (supposedly) managing.
While the fires are bad, they are, fortunately for us, not that near Santa Barbara. We are, however, isolated from Los Angeles — both the Pacific Coast Highway and the 101 Freeway are closed. Mitra and Stefan visited us early in the week and were able to get home before the fires broke out.
Meanwhile, Nazy and I, settled into the new house near the ocean, have been looking for patio decor — planters and a fountain. We tried the largest local garden shop, but they were overpriced and had a focus on giant metal dinosaurs:
“Do we need a life-sized T-rex made from rusty iron?” I asked Nazy. She demurred.
We drove to another gardening store and met..
“… disappointment, Nazy!” I exclaimed. “This garden store only has plants, seeds, dirt and fertilizer. What kind of..”
“No dinosaurs?” Nazy replied.
We headed to ‘nearby’ Los Olivos to visit our favorite store.
Factoid: In this context, ‘nearby’ means about 35 miles. In Houston, 35 miles is ‘local’; in Vermont, 35 miles is Canada.
I wanted to buy the flying pig garden sculptures, but Nazy failed to see the difference between a giant flying pig and a giant roaring dinosaur. She wouldn’t even go for the hot air balloon chimes. We got a plant stand and found a fountain that Nazy liked.
“I’ll just ask the owner where he gets the fountains, Dan.” She whispered. “Then we can order what we want on the web.”
“Right,” I thought.
“Who is your supplier?” Nazy asked the owner.
“I’m not going to tell you,” he replied.
“Hmm,” Nazy replied. “It is a beautiful fountain. Do you deliver?”
“For $150.”
“$150!” Nazy exclaimed.
“Minimum. It’s more if you have stairs.”
“Stairs?” Nazy thought
Although the fires are not threatening our neighborhood, we did, nevertheless, prepare to evacuate. It began last Monday when the only exercise bicycle that was available was the one in front of the Fox ‘News’ TV channel. Deciding to risk the synaptic failure syndrome, a neurological condition caused by watching Fox, I glanced at the program. Frightened, I rushed home to alert Nazy.
“We need to get everything packed. The country is being invaded. A (gasp!) caravan of MS-13 terrorists is coming. The army is being deployed. We have to be prepared! I am so scared.”
“Dan…”
“I think we should head north. And because of the risk, we should band together with other refugees. Since the invaders will grab control of the gasoline stations, we’ll need to walk.”
“Walk? Walk where?”
“To Canada, Nazy. North, 1000 miles. in a group. For safety. I’m so afraid. I just hope we can get there before the Canadians close the border and build a wall. (And make us pay for it).
I had ordered several pairs of walking shoes on the web when, two days later, i.e. the day after the elections, the invading horde, the dreaded caravan, vanished. Fox had forgotten about the threat. The ‘president’, with his (rare, but welcome) silence on the topic, appeared to conclude that the threat to Tweetville had dissipated. I returned the walking shoes.
In the midst of these troubling events, my iPhone has begun to suffer performance anomalies. Nazy and I decided to test the waters for deals on new models. We began at Verizon..
“We have the best network.” The sales associate asserted.
“How do you know?” Nazy asked.
“We have the best coverage. It’s a fact. Even the president uses Verizon.”
“That is not helping your case,” I interjected.
“He tweets on ATT. At Verizon, you can get a $300 discount on an iPhone Xs if you trade in..”
“I'll think about it,” I replied. Then we headed to ATT.
“We have the best network,” the salesperson claimed.
“That’s what Verizon said.” I replied.
“They would, wouldn’t they?” He replied. “Actually we’re both about the same.”
“What kind of a deal do you have on phones?” I asked.
“No deals.”
“Verizon gives us $300 off.”
“Then switch to Verizon.”
“Perhaps ATT should invest in sales training,” I thought.
“But you have a great existing wireless contract. We don’t offer anything as good as this any more. You should keep this one.”
I was shocked into silence. This was the first time in the last decade that a visit to a wireless provider had not been accompanied by a sales pitch for a ‘better’ contract.
“Keep this one?” I replied, eventually and tentatively.
“Or you could switch to Verizon.”
“What are we going to do, Dan?” Nazy asked.
“We’re going to think about it,” I replied, baffled.
“When we got our iPhone 7’s at ATT last time, they were free.” Nazy claimed, accurately.
“Those were the old days. We don’t do that anymore.”
“I think we should go play with Azelle,” I concluded. “She’s learning to hold her head up.”
“And we can ask her opinion about the 12 gigabyte vs. unlimited plan,” I thought.
Instead, we took Tiger to his swimming class where he's learning balance on a surfboard.
While the fires are bad, they are, fortunately for us, not that near Santa Barbara. We are, however, isolated from Los Angeles — both the Pacific Coast Highway and the 101 Freeway are closed. Mitra and Stefan visited us early in the week and were able to get home before the fires broke out.
Meanwhile, Nazy and I, settled into the new house near the ocean, have been looking for patio decor — planters and a fountain. We tried the largest local garden shop, but they were overpriced and had a focus on giant metal dinosaurs:
“Do we need a life-sized T-rex made from rusty iron?” I asked Nazy. She demurred.
We drove to another gardening store and met..
“… disappointment, Nazy!” I exclaimed. “This garden store only has plants, seeds, dirt and fertilizer. What kind of..”
“No dinosaurs?” Nazy replied.
We headed to ‘nearby’ Los Olivos to visit our favorite store.
Factoid: In this context, ‘nearby’ means about 35 miles. In Houston, 35 miles is ‘local’; in Vermont, 35 miles is Canada.
I wanted to buy the flying pig garden sculptures, but Nazy failed to see the difference between a giant flying pig and a giant roaring dinosaur. She wouldn’t even go for the hot air balloon chimes. We got a plant stand and found a fountain that Nazy liked.
“I’ll just ask the owner where he gets the fountains, Dan.” She whispered. “Then we can order what we want on the web.”
“Right,” I thought.
“Who is your supplier?” Nazy asked the owner.
“I’m not going to tell you,” he replied.
“Hmm,” Nazy replied. “It is a beautiful fountain. Do you deliver?”
“For $150.”
“$150!” Nazy exclaimed.
“Minimum. It’s more if you have stairs.”
“Stairs?” Nazy thought
Although the fires are not threatening our neighborhood, we did, nevertheless, prepare to evacuate. It began last Monday when the only exercise bicycle that was available was the one in front of the Fox ‘News’ TV channel. Deciding to risk the synaptic failure syndrome, a neurological condition caused by watching Fox, I glanced at the program. Frightened, I rushed home to alert Nazy.
“We need to get everything packed. The country is being invaded. A (gasp!) caravan of MS-13 terrorists is coming. The army is being deployed. We have to be prepared! I am so scared.”
“Dan…”
“I think we should head north. And because of the risk, we should band together with other refugees. Since the invaders will grab control of the gasoline stations, we’ll need to walk.”
“Walk? Walk where?”
“To Canada, Nazy. North, 1000 miles. in a group. For safety. I’m so afraid. I just hope we can get there before the Canadians close the border and build a wall. (And make us pay for it).
I had ordered several pairs of walking shoes on the web when, two days later, i.e. the day after the elections, the invading horde, the dreaded caravan, vanished. Fox had forgotten about the threat. The ‘president’, with his (rare, but welcome) silence on the topic, appeared to conclude that the threat to Tweetville had dissipated. I returned the walking shoes.
In the midst of these troubling events, my iPhone has begun to suffer performance anomalies. Nazy and I decided to test the waters for deals on new models. We began at Verizon..
“We have the best network.” The sales associate asserted.
“How do you know?” Nazy asked.
“We have the best coverage. It’s a fact. Even the president uses Verizon.”
“That is not helping your case,” I interjected.
“He tweets on ATT. At Verizon, you can get a $300 discount on an iPhone Xs if you trade in..”
“I'll think about it,” I replied. Then we headed to ATT.
“We have the best network,” the salesperson claimed.
“That’s what Verizon said.” I replied.
“They would, wouldn’t they?” He replied. “Actually we’re both about the same.”
“What kind of a deal do you have on phones?” I asked.
“No deals.”
“Verizon gives us $300 off.”
“Then switch to Verizon.”
“Perhaps ATT should invest in sales training,” I thought.
“But you have a great existing wireless contract. We don’t offer anything as good as this any more. You should keep this one.”
I was shocked into silence. This was the first time in the last decade that a visit to a wireless provider had not been accompanied by a sales pitch for a ‘better’ contract.
“Keep this one?” I replied, eventually and tentatively.
“Or you could switch to Verizon.”
“What are we going to do, Dan?” Nazy asked.
“We’re going to think about it,” I replied, baffled.
“When we got our iPhone 7’s at ATT last time, they were free.” Nazy claimed, accurately.
“Those were the old days. We don’t do that anymore.”
“I think we should go play with Azelle,” I concluded. “She’s learning to hold her head up.”
“And we can ask her opinion about the 12 gigabyte vs. unlimited plan,” I thought.
Instead, we took Tiger to his swimming class where he's learning balance on a surfboard.
For last week's letter, please click here
The fires have created some interesting sunsets
This view is from the house
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