skid row’s falling branches vaccinate moon phase Watch
With Darius’ departure for Beirut, The Martin Family holiday vacation season has officially ended. There were, of course, the normal challenges associated with Darius’ exit. Darius knew, for example, that his passport had limited validity. Most countries, including Lebanon, require a passport to be valid for at least 6 months following arrival. Ignoring the many weeks he had to handle the situation, Darius scheduled a last-minute passport renewal trip to Los Angeles. The rush hour drive to LA was not smooth. And, as noted last week, Darius blamed Penelope.
“Gertrude sucks, Dad. She ..”
“Who is Gertrude?”
“The navigation computer.”
“That’s Penelope, Darius.”
“Then Penelope sucks. Because of her, It took me 4 hours to get to the passport office in Los Angeles.”
“When there is no traffic-free route, there is little that Penelope’s dynamic rerouting can accomplish.”
I was defending my car, but I wasn’t aware of the context of the situation. New facts relating to the lengthy trip came to light. Darius directed Penelope to 1100 Wilshire Blvd. The passport office is at 11000 Wilshire Blvd. He erroneously drove an extra 13.2 miles through LA rush hour traffic to the ‘historic core’ of the city (and nearby Skid Row) before retracing those 13.2 miles. When confronted with these facts, Darius agreed that Penelope wasn’t the sole source of his arduous journey.
On the day before he left, Darius went smoozing at the UCSB economics department and shopping for essentials: new jeans and an 1808 Spanish Silver Dollar (“a piece of eight&rsquo
. We had time to walk along the bluffs overlooking the Pacific Ocean and visit the forest that has the migrating butterflies. Then, very early on Wednesday, I drove him to LA. We judiciously evaluated Penelope’s suggestions, arriving in time to have breakfast with Mitra.
When Darius left, the local trees shook. Literally. The nearby alien, non-native, illegal and undocumented eucalyptus trees are big - but not especially robust. The day Darius left, a large branch fell a long distance before crashing down on our patio table. Luckily, it happened while we were all away and no one was hurt. Nazy and I had a discussion about the dangers.
“We need to trim and prune,” Nazy asserted.
“The branches are very high,” I replied. Loftily.
“We can ask the city to trim it. After all, the tree is an illegal immigrant.” Nazy claimed.
“No, my dear, the tree is an undocumented alien. You should learn to speak (politically) correctly. Thankfully, it is not a California oak. We’d need a note from the Pope to touch an oak. In any case, it will take a long time before anything is done.”
“Can we speed things up?”
“Sure. We could let the tree fall on me. If I’m badly injured, then maybe..”
“Dan…”
“Maybe it’s best to buy some steel umbrellas.”
Several people have commented about the Whale House described in last week’s letter. It is..
“.. entirely impractical, Nazy.” I explained. “We’d need new furniture. Our Persian carpets wouldn’t fit. The rooms are oddly shaped.”
“You’re right, Dan.” Nazy replied. “It makes no sense.”
This issue was closed. Except that I really liked that house.
“I’ve always liked houses that are not vanilla. I like unique and unusual. That’s my desire.”
“That house is certainly unique and unusual.”
“Sometimes you need to chase what you’ve always wanted. For example, ever since I was in college, I wanted a ‘complicated’ mechanical watch that showed, the time, date, day of the week and moon phases. I really wanted one.”
“And your point…”
“While I was working in Geneva last year, I finally splurged. I got what I had always wanted. This house is the same thing.”
“But you don’t wear the ‘watch of your dreams’.”
“That’s because the numbers on the face are too small to read. And the watch has so many ‘hands’ that I can’t tell the time based on position.”
“What about the moon phases?”
“The automatic winder doesn’t always work and I can’t remember the 32 steps necessary to calibrate it. So I just use an app on the iPad.”
“So what do you do?”
“I got a quartz Skagen for $45. It is thin, light and works great.”
“There is a lesson here.”
“You’re right Nazy! I’m planning to have cataract surgery so that..”
“Dan…”
“Does anyone make elliptical Persian carpets?”
“Gertrude sucks, Dad. She ..”
“Who is Gertrude?”
“The navigation computer.”
“That’s Penelope, Darius.”
“Then Penelope sucks. Because of her, It took me 4 hours to get to the passport office in Los Angeles.”
“When there is no traffic-free route, there is little that Penelope’s dynamic rerouting can accomplish.”
I was defending my car, but I wasn’t aware of the context of the situation. New facts relating to the lengthy trip came to light. Darius directed Penelope to 1100 Wilshire Blvd. The passport office is at 11000 Wilshire Blvd. He erroneously drove an extra 13.2 miles through LA rush hour traffic to the ‘historic core’ of the city (and nearby Skid Row) before retracing those 13.2 miles. When confronted with these facts, Darius agreed that Penelope wasn’t the sole source of his arduous journey.
On the day before he left, Darius went smoozing at the UCSB economics department and shopping for essentials: new jeans and an 1808 Spanish Silver Dollar (“a piece of eight&rsquo
. We had time to walk along the bluffs overlooking the Pacific Ocean and visit the forest that has the migrating butterflies. Then, very early on Wednesday, I drove him to LA. We judiciously evaluated Penelope’s suggestions, arriving in time to have breakfast with Mitra. When Darius left, the local trees shook. Literally. The nearby alien, non-native, illegal and undocumented eucalyptus trees are big - but not especially robust. The day Darius left, a large branch fell a long distance before crashing down on our patio table. Luckily, it happened while we were all away and no one was hurt. Nazy and I had a discussion about the dangers.
“We need to trim and prune,” Nazy asserted.
“The branches are very high,” I replied. Loftily.
“We can ask the city to trim it. After all, the tree is an illegal immigrant.” Nazy claimed.
“No, my dear, the tree is an undocumented alien. You should learn to speak (politically) correctly. Thankfully, it is not a California oak. We’d need a note from the Pope to touch an oak. In any case, it will take a long time before anything is done.”
“Can we speed things up?”
“Sure. We could let the tree fall on me. If I’m badly injured, then maybe..”
“Dan…”
“Maybe it’s best to buy some steel umbrellas.”
Several people have commented about the Whale House described in last week’s letter. It is..
“.. entirely impractical, Nazy.” I explained. “We’d need new furniture. Our Persian carpets wouldn’t fit. The rooms are oddly shaped.”
“You’re right, Dan.” Nazy replied. “It makes no sense.”
This issue was closed. Except that I really liked that house.
“I’ve always liked houses that are not vanilla. I like unique and unusual. That’s my desire.”
“That house is certainly unique and unusual.”
“Sometimes you need to chase what you’ve always wanted. For example, ever since I was in college, I wanted a ‘complicated’ mechanical watch that showed, the time, date, day of the week and moon phases. I really wanted one.”
“And your point…”
“While I was working in Geneva last year, I finally splurged. I got what I had always wanted. This house is the same thing.”
“But you don’t wear the ‘watch of your dreams’.”
“That’s because the numbers on the face are too small to read. And the watch has so many ‘hands’ that I can’t tell the time based on position.”
“What about the moon phases?”
“The automatic winder doesn’t always work and I can’t remember the 32 steps necessary to calibrate it. So I just use an app on the iPad.”
“So what do you do?”
“I got a quartz Skagen for $45. It is thin, light and works great.”
“There is a lesson here.”
“You’re right Nazy! I’m planning to have cataract surgery so that..”
“Dan…”
“Does anyone make elliptical Persian carpets?”
The Pacific Ocean on our hike route.
And, speaking of medical procedures, Nazy had an annual checkup. Her physician recommended a few vaccinations.
Aside: I was befuddled when I heard about Polio outbreaks in Africa and Asia. (“Misguided and uneducated natives blaming some nonexistent global conspiracy are hurting their own children,” I thought. And then, I heard about an outbreak of Whopping Cough here in California. (“Fearful and misguided locals worried about vile schemes and discredited studies are hurting their own children,” I thought.) For more see here.
Nazy was vaccinated for Whooping Cough and Flu. She was..
“.. in pain, Dan. The vaccination made me sick.”
“Which vaccination?”
“Whopping cough.”
“Are you coughing?”
“No, but my arm hurts. Right where they gave me the shot.”
“So you have a mild case of Whooping Arm?” I asked. Disarmingly. (And risking a whuppin’.)
Finally - no issue of The Weekly Letter is complete without a photo from The Grand(est)son
Read last week’s issue by clicking here.
Tiger, the Grand(est)son’s Tee Shirt
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