Post-Grad dances and bubbles with circus, legos and Mitra
Who graduated — but wasn’t able to find a paying gig? And who was the youngest student to land a post-grad appointment? What does ‘Stop Ahead’ mean? Would it mean the same thing if you were five years old? What job requires both bravery and stupidity? Hint: It’s not Congress, that only need one of those attributes — a massive amount of said attribute, but nevertheless only one of them. Where can you get a semi-automatic bubble-generating machine? Finally, who makes the best lemon slush?
Read More...Chuck’s Cheesy Tales of Oregon Whale Tails
What’s the best thing to do after a ten day swing through the East Coast? More to the point: Would you choose Chuck E. Cheese and dueling drives to LAX? What keeps the Moon up in the sky? Hint: “It can’t be gravity, Dan, because that pulls things down!” Will the family whale watching tour deliver Whale Tails or Whale Tales? Who wants his Mommy? (Now!!). Read More...
Nike Haircut (just undo it) & Einstein’s pomegranate orange juice
Will Arrow still have his strength if someone cuts his hair? Who will inherit his curly locks? If the Blue Precipitate is Blue (didn’t you love High School Chemistry Lab), the Red River is Red, the Yellow Submarine Yellow, then why did Tiger refuse to answer when asked about the color of orange juice. (Orange juice, by the way, that he had squeezed from Mitra’s special blood oranges.) What is capable of moving faster than the speed of light? Where, at the farmers market, would you look for something that begins with the letter “M”. Why would you be at the market?
Read More...pregnant hummingbird bests seagull in WiFi root canal move
What ‘feels’ longer — Melika’s pregnancy or Nazy and Dan’s house move? Is there anything Dan likes less than a root canal? Should we put sundry and knick-knacks in the same closet as miscellaneous and various? Will the WiFi ever work? (Will insulting the technician speed things up?) Are hummingbirds the appropriate response when seagulls (or crows) mistake your mailbox for an outhouse? Read More...
tiger helps rocking horse (2nd) birthday with rabbit cake
Will the big, bold, beautiful behemoth of a unused rocking horse survive the forthcoming Martin Family move? How did Arrow and Tiger conspire to tip the decision-making scales? How did Nazy react? (Hint: Does the phrase ‘I told you so’ spring to mind?) Why is Tiger happy to have his little brother join him at pre-school? And why is Arrow happy that his big brother is with him at school? What do rabbits have to do with a two year old’s birthday? Will Tiger, willing to help blow out the candles, dance at Arrow’s birthday? And, finally, what calamity befell Dan during exercise class? Read More...
fireworks and clowns, circus and congress, boxes and helicopters
Who turned off Santa Barbara’s natural and environmentally friendly air conditioner: the Pacific Ocean breeze? What is a ‘sundowner’? (Hint: It’s not cool.) Where did the circus find the loaner clowns? Who thinks that July 4th fireworks look like airplanes? Can The Martin Family use a helicopter to assist its move toward the ocean? What algorithm is used to put Dan on so many inappropriate postal mailing lists? (Hint: Dan is not interested in going to college.) How did Arrow and Tiger welcome Nazy’s return to Santa Barbara? Read More...
baby girl revealed at introspective solstice festival and birthday
How did Melika and Tom reveal the gender of their coming baby — arrival planned for mid August? Did you attend the Tomchela music and arts festival where someone tried to get NASA to spray paint the Moon with one of two colors? What happens at a pre-school graduation ceremony? Why was Tiger’s presence mandatory? What triggered Tiger’s introspective moment? And how did a turtle fountain fix the issue? What’s a HiNote Ultra and why did Dan uncover a case for it? Is a house close to the ocean more susceptible to a meteor strike? Read More...
Seaplanes float, anglers outdone by orcas in red light museums
Can Alaska Airlines handle three (3!) passengers named Thomas Reagan Adams on the same flight? Can one of the Toms catch a King Salmon in the Tongass Narrows? (Hint: Will they be just as happy with a halibut?) Will Tiger — full name Thomas Reagan Adams IV — enjoy flying on a seaplane? Are the Misty Fjords fogged in? Will the group spot Orcas (who appear to really like Salmon), humpback whales and Bald Eagles in Ketchikan? Can Dan find a ‘fun’ museum appropriate for a 4 year old. (Hint: Don’t go to Dolly’s House.)
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chalk perfection always wins as AT&T mixes cement in matchboxes
Can Tiger replicate the world class chalk artwork at the Santa Barbara Mission — on our driveway? Okay, the question was too easy: Can he do it with Nazy’s help? Who needs to win every game? Why did Tiger's 4th birthday cake have the number 20 on the icing? (And why did it have five candles?) What toy replaces a little boy’s matchbox car? (And how big is the replacement?) Hint: we’re going to have to move soon.) Will Dan give up on ATT Direct Now and slink back to Cox Cable? Read More...
Tiger measures Alphabetical Wurlitzer sliding cardboard
What does Tiger want to measure with his ‘measurer’? Hint: if it has dimensions, Tiger wants to measure it. Does Arrow find anything more interesting than the bubbling Wurlitzer jukebox? (Can anyone find anything more interesting that said jukebox?) How do Tiger and Arrow compare (style-wise) on their grass boards? (Think snowboard on grassy, short hills.) Who’s first two word phrase is “EXIT sign”. What is the image on the World’s Most Difficult Jigsaw puzzle?
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clueless swim teacher focus: fact free parrot menagerie
Has Tiger become the master of conversational repartee? Why did he tell Arrow to focus? (And did 1 year old Arrow comprehend the nature and importance of the request?) How did Tiger characterize the performance of the substitute swimming teacher? (And how did it compare with the substitute’s analysis of Tiger?) Who has learned all of the letters of the alphabet — thereby becoming the newest abecedarian in the family? Where can you find ‘bad boy’ cockatiels? (And why are they in the penalty box?) Where is the best place to employ a bricklaying butterfly? Read More...
Bicycling ocean tides deposit crowds at local zoo
Can Tiger master a (Pedal-less) two-wheeler? Can Nazy befuddle, bewilder and bedazzle a feckless parking lot attendant who is convinced that his parking lot is ‘FULL’? More accurately: How did Nazy find a parking spot? When is it safe for a husband to complain about the old saying: What goes up must come down? Or, in this case: he who walks down must eventually climb up. Have you ever turned your back on the ocean? Read More...
Get me out — poking dentist, jabbing doctor, punctured tire
Who scheduled a day featuring medical personnel poking and jabbing? Why was the process contagious? Who knew that Volvo cars could contract medical conditions from the driver? Ever had nightmares when you were little? Did they go away when you grew up? (Hint: consider the results of the last presidential election before answering.) How do you treat a grandson’s high fever? And, will Tiger and Arrow cooperate as to finish the puzzle? Will juggling keep the lovely Leandra happy?
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Spring trees wearing bandaids tie traditions in knots
Your grandson asks: Why does that tree have a bandaid? Do you explain tree grafts? Do you pretend that he’s speaking into the ‘bad’ ear? Do you say: “Yes, that tree has a boo boo.”? Were you afraid of the Easter Bunny when you were 1 (and a half) years old? Were you still afraid even it was your Daddy inside the costume? Can Dan master streaming TV? And what will Tiger do as he begins collecting royalties on his likeness? Read More...
hatching doves make (long) new year flight to urban farm
If you’re a newly hatched dove, is it smarter to fly and roost on a rainy roof, or huddle on the dry front stoop sheltered from the rain? How did Nazy help this fledging make the right choice? How much is Dan willing to pay for the traditional gold fish needed to celebrate Persian New Year and the Vernal equinox? Would a Betta be better? (It would certainly be more alliterative.) What is Urban Agriculture? Why were the Tires on the Urban Tractor taking a nap? Who chose the travel agent that booked Darius on a 14,000 mile/36 hour flight? And why was that flight so happy and successful? Read More...
Southern California Rain Storms stream extra shopping orchids
Who said “it never rains in Southern California”? (Okay, okay! Who sang “it never rains in Southern California?&rdquo. What’s stranger than stormy weather in Santa Barbara? When does “an extra 45% off of entire purchase” mean …, well… nothing? (Hint: Nazy was in Nieman-Marcus.) What attracted Arrow’s attention at the Santa Barbara Orchid show? Before answering you should know that the show had a waterfall. Read More...
Birthday paintings stream, holding hands, through Mars
Has sibling rivalry vanished as Arrow and Tiger grow? Or, more reasonably, has sibling rivalry lessened as the boys grow? What toys will never be shareable? (Would Dan share his car?) Can anything go wrong when we switch from standard, overpriced (Cox) cable to modern, sleek streaming services? More to the point: can Dan figure out how to watch the Oscars after attempting to make the switch? What did Nazy produce when she resumed her painting? Read More...
Arithmetic Fingers can paint rainbows (and throw-up) shunning responsibility
What can you do when a subtraction problem requires more digits than fingers? (Pretend that you’re three years old.) How would you do it if you didn’t have a calculator? (Assume simple subtraction.) How important is creativity when it comes to naming your (finger) painting? Will Arrow remember who took his red ball at music class? And, if so, what will he do about it? How much progress has been made in cleaning up the mudslide? Note: Astonishingly, Dan has something good to say about the Federal Government. (Clearly some staff members are holdovers from the previous administration.) And why did a deranged pair of doves set up a nest at our front door? Read More...
broccoli juice floats in big-brimmed, well-goggled, swimming hula hoop
Does the dire condition, “Hat Brim Envy” afflict every member of The Martin Family? If your hat has a propellor on the top, does that qualify as a ‘cool’ brim? What plan did Dan follow that led to a goggle wearing Tiger? How many parts does a cold juicer have? Why does it matter. What is stronger: the strong nuclear force or the gritty stickiness of nanometer sized particles of spinach? Who is the family hula hoop champion? (Hint: the finalists were Tiger and Arrow.) Read More...
17 pound jackfruit early sunset lights beach walk
Why do we ‘save daylight’ during the summer when we already have plenty of daylight? How do Dan and Nazy commiserate with East Coast friends suffering frigid temperatures? Hint: There is a nearby beach. Can the grand(est)dad turn a tour of the vegetable and fruit store into an adventure? By the way, what is a jackfruit? And how much does it weigh? Who would tell the very independent Arrow to take his pacifier out of his mouth before he (tries) to shove oatmeal into it?
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first class pole vaulter arrives in thundering illegality
Why go to Burning Man to suffer in the heat when it’s 100 degrees right here at home? But, wait! Don’t answer yet! Rain? Thunder? In September in Santa Barbara? Isn’t that as likely as it is that Dan qualifies for the Olympic pole vaulting finals? Who tried to sneak out of Lebanon without an entry stamp on her passport? And, is a birth certificate satisfactory arrival documentation?
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hotel sleeplessness totally (~63%) eclipses wildfire battle stroller
What do you do if the weather forecast indicates a 67% chance that the 63% eclipsed sun will be positioned behind a thick layer of clouds? Would you conclude that you have a 100% chance of missing everything? Will you be disappointed when you discover that you weren’t the only one who saw the event? Do Eclipse Viewers make you look cool? As cool as Maui Jim sunglasses? And, by the way, does Dan still have his Maui Jim’s? Is it possible to transport two young boys on an umbrella stroller? And, if so, why would you try? Read More...
basmati rice rescues soggy iPhone, but who is watching Arrow
Who forgot Tiger’s swim suit — just as he began private lessons? Who turned off the pool heater — just as Tiger began private lessons? Who forgot to bring a bag of (basmati) rice to the swimming pool? And, why did it matter? Hint: Who forgot to take the iPhone out of his pocket before entering the swimming pool?) What is the exciting news associated with Emirates Air? And, who is patient about growing up? Read More...
The sun in the middle of solstice parades as Leandra sleeps
How did marching in last year’s Solstice Parade impact decisions about this year’s festivities Hint: last year the temperature was 100℉, Melika was 8½ months pregnant, and Tiger, miffed that someone wouldn’t let him eat ‘all of the donuts’ insisted on being carried. What is a Santa Barbara cascarone? Will Dan be able to convince Microsoft that he lives in the USA? And why does it matter? Hint: He did not buy Microsoft Word from Nokia when he was working in Geneva. Why does Dan want to change Tiger’s name? And, who is excited by being allowed to sleep 4 (whole) uninterrupted hours? Find answers at The Weekly Letter. The newest issue (The sun in the middle of solstice parades as Leandra sleeps) is available directly by clicking here.
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hidden sunglasses chalk up birthday cake kindness
How did Nazy help Dan lose (another) pair of sunglasses? Although it will be left as an exercise for the reader to decide who is ultimately to blame, decades of husband experience suggests that the vast majority of fault will lie on the masculine side of the divide. Note: In the previous sentence: strike ‘vast majority’ and replace with ‘all’. Who wants to eat “all” of Mitra’s Birthday Cake? (Hint: It’s not Mitra; she was willing to share.) How did The Martin Family get out of the ensuing conundrum? Why are there ‘always’ chalk drawings at The Old Mission on Mitra’s birthday? Read More...
software (down) grades Dan’s pretty French (or Farsi) skills
Who (mindlessly) thought that accepting a software upgrade would be a good idea? How did Tiger foil Dan’s claims of linguistic superiority? And, did it replicate the victory that Mitra achieved a couple of decades earlier? On the subject of speech, is it proper to say “The baby shakes the shakers?”. What about punctuation of the previous sentence? How did a cranberry bagel (with cream cheese) and a pretty French lady feature into martial harmony? Read More...
Glasses and bicycles foster insurance foibles and Jacaranda trees
Are non-native invasive species subject to a Executive Order ban signed by the current (block) head of the executive branch? Can a tree — especially a beautiful Jacaranda Tree — be dangerous to domestic tranquility? (What about kudzu and fire ants?) Is there an “I hate eye glasses gene?” Why are we keeping Tiger away from row boats and canals? How many passion fruit does it take to balance a honeydew melon on a scale? What miracle did Dan need to perform in The Hague in order to get reimbursement from an insurance company?
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heavy, salty old ladies softens most orange bulldozer passport
Why, in a checkout queue, is Dan always behind the slowest person on the planet? And, related, why is the stupid one’s mother always pregnant? How did a 40 pound bag of salt and a 15 cent Teddy Bear impact the checkout? If you wanted to keep your PIN code secret — would you choose ‘1234’? (And, if you did, wouldn’t you be able to remember it?) Will the orange one throw a doltish executive order into Nazy’s passport renewal process? Would Tiger rather play with a toy bulldozer in a sandbox or get a haircut? And why does Arrow keeping practicing to master the world’s best face plant? Read More...
Whales crawl, BMWs talk, Arrows dance and Tigers confuse
Is Coachella simply Woodstock without the rain and counterculture? How did emergency services handle the hijack of Dan’s car? Did matter that a two-year old had seized control of the panic button? How did Tiger deploy a well-placed ‘Excuse me’ in lieu of tears or a tantrum? Can Arrow find a dignified way to crawl? (Hint: dignified = do not put your knees on the ground.) Did anyone tell the whales that we were going to be watching? And, why was Arrow clowning around with percussion instruments? Read More...
verizon’s event horizon breaks kumquats and hearts in lotusland
Who’s palate is so ‘sophisticated’ that he likes the taste of kumquats? How did Verizon’s customer ‘service’ vanish into the event horizon of a nearby black hole? (This was the Verizon Event Horizon.) Would ATT or Sprint have been better? Would you trust FedEx to deliver the heart being used for your transplant surgery? Where did we learn that Spanish Moss isn’t Spanish and isn’t Moss? Read More...
equinox blue spectacles and gray wildflowers replace granite
Why must the vernal equinox arrived at 3:28 Pacific Daylight Time? It’s not daylight at 3:28AM. And is it too late for Nazy to stay up or too early for Dan to get up? And why does it matter anyway? Who is wearing new blue spectacles? Hint: It is his favorite color — along with yellow. Are the fabled orange poppies blooming after epic winter rains. Or is a Heimlich Maneuver required to kickstart the flowers? And who is sporting a handlebar mustache? (Or, perhaps, a handlebar pacifier?) Finally, now that it’s been moved outside, does any life remain in the fable Martin Family dining room table? Read More...
Longer hour hand, lower weight, bigger train & (ampersand) peas
How did a simple observation about Spring (‘the days are getting longer&rdquo devolve into a two-year old’s observation about time-(space) relativity? How did Dan astonish his doctor during his annual physical? (How did Dan create the illusion that he had followed his physician’s advice?) How did Dr. Bernstein regain the upper hand? Did you know that mashed peas are related to Mt. Saint Helens? How did the peas introduce volcanic concepts to 7 month-old Arrow? And who got to ride on a double-decker train? Read More...
pneumatic sponge balls pixilate potholed (potted?) celebrity
Can a new museum recreate exciting times from Dan’s childhood? I.e. things like doors that open themselves and a pneumatic tube apparatus that shoots colorful sponge balls into the air? Where can you see a pixelated photo of Dan and Nazy? How did Tiger’s decisions prove that he shares genes with Nazy? (Hint: He was shopping.] And what happens when you're out celebrity spotting in LA — but the celebrity spots you… or more disappointingly, bypasses you and flirts with your friend?
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