California
Mitra and electric Soul arrive as drought (almost) ends
05-02-17 11:12
Why can a Santa Barbara project manager claim credit for ending the California drought? Hint: the desalination plant is about to come on-line. How will the local citizenry respond when green appears in the landscape? (What about wildflowers?) Why is the exact distance between Mitra’s home in Los Angeles and our home in Santa Barbara so very important? What drove Stefan to scale the challenging ravine next to our driveway? Can a 2 year old sum up soccer in a single sentence? And, what would Benjamin Franklin say?
Read More...Comments
rainy seasons make nefarious degert tillers abnormal
31-01-16 11:47
Where is the ‘rainy season’ most predictably rainy? Is a ‘flash flood warning’ a good indicator? How does the sentence “Dinosour: The degert you a bed of fory hare” help Donald Trump’s election campaign? (And how is it related to Middle School Civics class?) Where is ‘average’ actually abnormal? And, if your sailboat is moving backwards, is throwing the tiller at the ‘Wind God’ a nautically approved reaction? Read More...
Fiesta Courts Confetti-Strewn towering engagement
16-08-15 11:54
What is Santa Barbara’s most romantic place to propose? Will Darius find it? Will Christiane agree? Will The Martin Family turn Melika’s office into a stalker’s paradise? Does the telephone lens work after sunset? And, on different subjects: will the Grand(est)son smash a confetti-filled egg over Dan’s head? Who has the biggest hat?
Read More...
The Donald Duck Dreams Las Vegas on horseback
09-08-15 09:04
It is billionaire week - The Donald and Richard Branson make appearances at The Weekly Letter. Can Dan link them to the family collection of rubber duckies? Darius and Christiane arrive in America - and they’re: “Going to Disneyland!” Well, Disneyland and horseback riding in the California Mountains. Does Christiane have a cowboy hat? Does it matter? (Dan has enough western hats to outfit an entire 1800’s calvary battalion.) Read More...
Magic planet-wielding street dancing stroller-filled parade
27-06-15 19:50
How can the grand(est)son sleep next to a blaring 10,000 Watt speaker system when you want him to be awake? How can the grand(est)son wake up because he heard a bird feather fell in the driveway 800 meters away? Can Dan fumble a simple stroller-pushing task? The Music Man led 76 trombones in the Big Parade, but who led the 9 planets? If a Magician asked you to pick a big word, would you chose “drop” or “transcontinental”? (Hint: It’s amBIGuous.) Read More...
puddle alley parking & El Niño end California drought
17-05-15 10:45
Which city has alleys wider than many European motorways? Why is better to show up late for an Air Canada flight? (And it’s not because your flight is late.) Why did Dan need trekking gear to find his parked car? Does a puddle in LA and a forecast for a strong El Niño mean that the California drought is ending? Is the grand(est)son impressed by the Jellyfish Museum?
Read More...
California Roots out Amsterdam canals with friendly cat
10-05-15 14:36
What medical ‘emergency’ can wait 42 years for treatment? Hint: Do the words root and canal mean anything to you? In fact, are the roots of modern dentistry found alongside the medieval canals of Amsterdam? Can Dan find a link between babysitting a 10 month old baby and being a Catholic Bishop? Finally, friendly felines (bouncy baby boys) feature for fabulously funny fotos. Read More...
High surf Crashes HSBC SWIFT link At Rabbit Zoo with popcorn pigeons
14-02-15 17:51
Does a ‘high surf advisory’ apply to a stroll along the beach? (And, on a related topic, can Dan and Nazy outrun a tidal wave?) What make us think that the grand(est)son is easily pleased? (Hint: His favorite zoo animal is the pigeon.) Why is HSBC, the megabuck that helps zillionaires avoid taxes, unable to handle a simple wire transfer? And, finally, what is Darius’ favorite flower color. (Hint: He, like the grand(est)son is easy to please.) Read More...
raincoats on Daniel & a Wife always right: a few of my favorite things
07-02-15 22:10
Can Dan find the Australian raincoat that he bought in Switzerland? Does he remember the purpose of a raincoat? If pharmacy said that your prescription would be ready in 15 minutes, would you wait? (Hint: It was a CVS pharmacy.) Who taught the grand(est)son to speak Chinese? How do you decide to switch from repair mode to replace mode? And is Nazy always right? Read More...
Pacific Coast Mission rattles Redwood Earthquake
31-08-14 12:25
Why did a missing Mission in Monterey allow Darius to drop Dan’s Popsicle in the mud? Does this letter really include a photograph of a ‘bump on a log’? (And, if so, who is the bump?) How can a herd of elephant seals disguise themselves on a California beach? And did you know that Redwood trees are actually chocolate brown? And, finally, how well did The Martin Family cope with the California earthquake? Read More...
polo ponies in tanks assault francless bank account
17-08-14 10:36
Who gets to replace divots at the Polo Grounds? What is the easiest job on the planet? (And why hasn’t it been outsourced?) Is there a simple solution to the ISIS insurgency? What have we done to make Darius feel at home during his visit? And how did the grandest son snap a selfie? Read More...
Joan of Ark checks out Slo in Pismo June Gloom
07-06-14 10:56
Who thinks Joan of Arc was Noah’s wife? Why did Dan and Nazy take a SLO road trip? Can you go wrong if you queue behind a lady buying only two greeting cards? How does Melika’s obstetrician’s employment history (United Airlines) impact timely delivery? Is the house at 521 Santa Barbara Street green or yellow? Did you notice that this family photo has nothing to do with the editorial content in this issue of The Weekly Letter? Read More...
Sainted Blue Jay fowls orchid on New Year’s Day
23-03-14 12:09
What are the risks associated with living so close to the Santa Barbara Mission? Is it easier to eject a flustered Blue Jay or an enthusiastic Saint from The Martin Family kitchen? How would you deal with a ‘candy’ made from chickpeas? How might your approach change if the ‘candy’ is your wife’s favorite?
Read More...Gray Whales dance with tango challenged Chase Bank
26-01-14 08:41
Can Dan, by some fluke, get a photo of a sounding whale? What is the ocean equivalent of ‘fruits and vegetables’? Would you migrate from Alaska to Mexico to spawn? Can someone with musical ability of a mute barnacle learn to dance? And, finally, will Chase Bank pay the late fee assessed by Darius? Read More...
Zebra socks correct umbrella wallet in California castle
16-11-13 10:21
Thanks to an alert reader, Nazy stands corrected. (Dan was right.) Thanks to an alert sibling, Dan stands corrected. But whose property has free-roaming wild Zebra? Would you want to live in a house built to resemble a 500 year old European Church? (And would you build the house in California?) Why are the police chasing Dan? What do you do in the morning room? (Dan’s answer - Mourn - was wrong.) Read More...
Puppet floods sun on videoed porsche Bed
09-11-13 13:16
Why does Melika’s car have a seat at skateboard height? Why does Dan need crampons to get into bed? Why are Mitra and Stefan Tangoing underwater? Can Nazy find a nearby kiln to fire a giant vase, eh, a ‘smallish umbrella stand’ that has been in storage since 1986? Can Tom’s team be the US champion? And does Darius, visiting Turkey, see a beautiful sunset like the one in Santa Barbara. (Almost) all is revealed in this issue of The Weekly Letter. Read More...
piano and pine cone caught in hoarded drizzle
20-10-13 11:39
Can Dan outsmart a resilient and crafty piano? Is Dan’s desire that art “look like something” hopelessly archaic? Was Monet ever a Contemporary Artist? (Will Dan remember that Nazy is a contemporary Artist?) Can hardened, experienced Californians used to dealing with fires and earthquakes, meet the challenge of a “Drizzle Alert”? Read More...
danish family mission launches holiday plumber
01-09-13 12:02
How did development of a Martin Family Mission statement generate a drive to Lompoc? Did Dan really need his chain saw to detach the arachnid trap? What (exactly) does the ‘check engine’ light mean? Are you aware of the risks associated with basil and garbage disposals? And - who brings two cooks and a luxury RV to the Burning Man festival? Read More...
Dancing horse crushes jurassic Mountain kitten maverick
17-08-13 11:57
Is it a good idea to buy a product that forces you to upgrade the MacBook’s Operating System? (Hint: Dan upgraded from Snow Leopard to Valley Kitten.) What company thinks it’s a good business practice to make it impossible to buy their products? (Hint: the company has a smart-phone market share of 3.7%.) Who would buy such a phone? (Hint: His name is ‘Dan’.) How many dancing horses are need for the Old Spanish Days Fiesta in Santa Barbara? (Hint: The Horses can’t Tango.) What is the lead exhibit in the Museum of Jurassic Technology? (Hint: It is impossible to come up with a hint for this one.) Read More...
4:02AM Equinox Drives Chickens (and eggs) to Cyprus
24-03-13 08:52
Did Dan try to parallel park during his ‘on-the-road’ driver’s license test? Why is Darius going to Cyprus? Would Dan and Nazy have moved to California if they knew that the 2013 equinox would arrive at 4:02AM? And, do you want to find out which came first: chicken or egg?
Read More...Swimming with Tarragon and Driving with Genghis Kahn
16-03-13 15:57
What is the connection between Tarragon and Gone With the Wind? Can the Internet solve Nazy’s herbs and spices shortages? (Hint: It didn’t work for the lightbulb conundrum.) Should Dan swim in the medium or slow lane? And how would you react if your on-the-road Driver License examiner was named Genghis?
Read More...gurgling blue whales and economic swans of Paradise
09-03-13 11:35
Can Nazy find an appropriate place in Waldhuis, the new Martin Family residence, to put the oversized bronze swans? (Does a chicken have lips?) Will Darius generate statistics consistent with those of the Commerce Department - by himself in three weeks. (It took the government 30 years and consumed the time of a brigade of economists.) How did Melika celebrate a colorful birthday?
Read More...California Drizzard and Tar Pits volcano
10-02-13 12:03
If Heidi can build Swiss closets with an Allen wrench, why does Dan need Dr. Who’s sonic screwdriver? (And help from the Ewoks?) Where is there a Tar Pit Museum? Who won the Super Ball on Venice Boulevard? Will Dan and Nazy be ready for a monster weather event in Santa Barbara?
Read More...Slide rules Bank on rinse-less Box mountain
02-02-13 13:42
Have you seen a travelers banana box? Remember how to use an organically powered analog computational device? Where does the water refuse to stick to a towel? Who could mistake a diving pelican for a sounding whale? Read More...
Super Truck Boxes Congeal in Kitchen
27-01-13 07:48
How is international relocation like riding a bicycle? [Did you know that Dan broke his wrist riding a bicycle? Twice!] How much concentrated mass is necessary to trigger neutron collapse? [Is the planet at risk?] Will Nazy’s closets past muster? Read More...
Viking propositions no Cause for Alarm
19-01-13 09:14
Where did we find a refrigerator larger than our kitchen in Zurich? Is it possible to do business with an insurance agent who’s lived in Oxnard his entire life? If California told you that your coffee contained chemicals known to cause cancer, would that be a ‘cause for alarm’? How about if they added that your new car, meals at every restaurant, household paint, potted plants and toothbrushes contained similar (gasp!) chemicals? Suppose that your container was ‘randomly’ selected for a special examination by US customs - and you had to pay extra for them to do their job. Would this be ‘cause for alarm’?
Read More...
Butterfly Eucalyptus cookies with Addams Family commercials
05-01-13 08:17
Would laundry detergent in the dishwasher create a white Christmas? Where do you go to see 50,000 hibernating monarch butterflies? Will anyone listen to Miss Madeline, the non-sentient navigation computer? And what does Dan think about TV commercials in America? Read More...
iPhone text debacle with Big bill elvis costumes
29-12-12 08:14
Who can make a telephone purchase complicated? (Why aren’t we surprised?) Which service provider is unable to make text messaging work? (Text Messaging, Verizon!) Do you have a (future) son-in-law who owns an Elvis costume? Do you exist if you don’t have a California driver’s license? Read More...
Continent drifting Beets favor california Siesta
12-08-12 04:30
Which is faster: Traffic on the 405? Continental Drift? Why is the Lebanese army burning villager crops? What is the Santa Barbara Fiesta? Are all beets the same color? And who is best with a cape? Read More...
Work Life Balance with purple tomatoes
05-08-12 11:27
Who is the pot and who is the kettle? In the field of work-life balance, is it better to work on spreadsheets at 3:00AM, to prepare codicils and appendices at 3:00AM or dance at 3:00AM? Can Dan still hit an 80MPH curveball? (Could Dan ever hit an 80MPH curveball?). Who would buy a purple tomato? Read More...