Travel
caps, hats and cool rules top Sydney exit
26-04-19 07:49
Will Dan look sufficiently ‘Manly’ at the beach outside of Sydney? Will it help if he’s wearing a Bondi Beach hat? How about a Kangaroo Hat? An All Blacks Hat? A Uluru hat? Will any hat fit when he gets home? Did Nazy find the right set of earrings? Where can you go shopping in a building that has the panache and glitz of the time it was constructed in the late 1890’s? Hint: Try the Strand Arcade. Is there anything (anything?) to do at the Canberra Airport at midnight? Who was stuck there for an hour? Who has to follow the ironclad house rule to “Be Cool”? Read More...
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Duct tape launches first debonair rainfall with Leandr
11-10-18 12:45
Which airline delayed a flight because “an overhead bin door won’t close”? How big was the tool box that the mechanic assigned to fix the door pulled into the (wide body) airplane? Hint: It would have been better if the aisle was wide-body. How did the expertise that Dan garnered at Georgia Tech solve the problem? Hint: A real engineer only needs two items: Duct Tape and WD-40. What is a gable and why does a Salem house have seven of them? Why doesn’t Tiger want to be suave, charming, sophisticated and debonair? How did (the lovely) Leandra react when she saw the (local) family after a summer in Beirut? Read More...
Massachusetts Museum with bathroom-challenged 17th Century house
02-10-18 17:44
Will United Airlines fall for Dan’s disguised identity? More to the point, will they deliver a trouble-free flight before they realize that Dan is on-board? How would you handle a New England museum tour guide who treated the tourists like third graders? Would you be ready for show and tell? Is there a men’s belt shop in Salem, Massachusetts? (And why do we care?) When was indoor plumbing commonplace? Where did all of Dan's siblings come together in September, 2018? Read More...
Refunds abound while BOBOLYNE Pilots stop for hamburgers
07-09-18 11:50
How will Dan and Nazy spend the refund check that they received from the medication insurance plan? Hint: They are considering an option that involves splitting a low-dosage aspirin tablet. Has your flight ever been delayed because there was a “long line at McDonalds” where the pilots stopped to get a hamburger before sauntering to the gate? Who forgot to sign their passport before an international trip? (And how many times was it missed by heavy border security?) What is the name of the dullest airport on the planet? Would you remove the training wheels on your bicycle before or after a collision with a (thorny) rose bush?
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TSA loses synaptic challenge as Dan finds yellow (baby) blue jacket
12-06-18 18:10
How much time should a family, a family traveling with a baby, allocate for TSA processing? Hint: Double your initial guess. How are TSA waiting time and FAA slot times coordinated? Hint: How does a colorblind man choose ties and suits? Why would anyone drive to LAX during evening rush hour? How good is the Volvo at reading foreign language text messages? Can Arrow say ‘Leandra’ or ‘Bougainville’ or at least come close? And what would you do if your wife accused you of losing your blue jacket - basing her accusation on the flimsy fact that you can’t find it? Read More...
Bradley and Pirates lose to exit-row Vancouver-based deficit hawks
11-02-18 18:25
Why isn’t the ‘ball’ in ‘football’ round? I.e. Why does the ball have ‘pointy’ ends? How many Super Bowl fans were routing for the Pirates? Or for Tom Bradley? Why would anyone cheerfully let people pass them in the TSA security line? (And will those people make it to their destination on time?) How did Nazy’s nostalgic trip down memory lane — specifically a visit to Vancouver — turn out? Who was able to persuade the family that it was a good idea to move from Knockmaroon Drive in Vancouver to Memorial Drive in Houston? (More accurately, who thinks that the family will ever forgive him?) Read More...
pumpkins patch watery ice cubes on gaviota coast egret-viewing hike
22-10-17 18:38
Who was able to fly 13,000+ miles over a weekend? (Okay — it was a long weekend.) Did the 4 month old infant accompanying half of the trip appreciate the carefully negotiated bassinet-enabled seat? Will Dan’s ice cube travails ever end? Will he find a nearby glacier as a reliable source? Why did Tiger chose a yellow pumpkin at the annual visit to the Pumpkin Patch? Where is the biggest parcel of undeveloped coastal land between San Francisco and San Diego? How did Arrow manage to avoid drinking from the swimming pool when he swam underwater? Read More...
Boxes assemble size 8 shoes as Arrow flies and Family Lebanon arrives
17-10-17 21:38
Who designed the system in which Dan and Tiger have the same size shoes? And would you be happy to be younger than your shoe size? Can you remember how it felt when you walked on grass, in your bare feet, for the first time? Arrow can! (And he found an interesting way to handle this strange situation.) Will young Leandra sleep in the skillfully negotiated Lufthansa bassinet on her long transatlantic journey? How many times do you need to read “Goodnight Moon” before you memorize it?
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United telephones Emirates upgrade on confetti-filled seaplane
19-08-17 17:45
Was a business class upgrade (on a 16 hour flight) enough to charm Nazy on her wedding anniversary? And, could Dan swing it without a mortgage? How did United Airlines' transcontinental trip rate compared to business class on Emirates? Hint: It is like comparing the attention span of a humming bird (or the longevity of a White House aide) with the life span of the typical continent. Why would anyone let Dan buy a pair of Maui Jim sunglasses? Did you know that Congress members have the uncanny ability to stand up for an interview even though they have no backbone?
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anniversary dreams and new jeans while Leandra beam
25-07-17 00:02
Can Melika and Nazy fix Dan’s baggy jeans problem? (Did that pair really make Dan’s butt look big?). What is a perfect way to celebrate a wedding anniversary? How about a perfect place? Is there any correlation between the way, the place and the grand(est)daughter ever? Who sleeps better: six week old Leandra or jet lagged Dan and Nazy? Who is the center of attention: the international arrivals or the new arrival? Read More...
Valentine Champagne: Admirals, Judges and Chinese Apps
13-02-17 21:28
What advice did KLM have for Dan? And is it still applicable? Why did THE ADMIRAL claim that rain is the under-appreciated asset that makes America bountiful and rich. (And is it possible to be too bountiful and rich?) Will Dan need assistance from THE JUDGE over a never-ending license plate foible? Can THE PROFESSOR teach a two-year old keyboard basics? How about touchscreen etiquette? On a related note, did you know that a touchscreen chock-full of chocolate is responsively challenged? Read More...
Gravity and Tiger’s cars; weather snarls (some) marching travel
24-01-17 08:35
Are Dan’s ‘bad luck travel genes’ inheritable? it usually takes geologic forces to move mountains — so how did Mother Nature do with something as simple as water? Hint: it was lots of water. In an unprecedented (and totally unexpected) moment, Tiger shared his cars with Arrow. But, did Tiger know what six-month old and teething babies do to everything they pick up? Did anyone in The Martin Family join the Women’s March? Read More...
trojan horse invades soggy greek creek with tasty rice
15-01-17 15:31
Can Dan cope with the new political reality — his orangeness? Is it possible for ‘stuff’ to displace an amount of ‘air’ sufficient to cause breathing problems in The Martin Family household? Is there any progress on the SRP (stuff removal project)? Who bought ‘THE” Trojan Horse — and left it Dan’s study? Can anyone to have so much checked baggage that it doesn’t fi inside Melika’s SUV? (Hint: Melika’s SUV has 18 wheels.) Why is this year’s rainy season so unusual? Read More...
Tarmac delays threatened aircraft evacuation on inactive taxiway
06-11-16 14:27
Is it unreasonable to expect that your airline will find an open gate when your flight lands? Who waited more impatiently: Dan or Tiger? How did Nazy convey her ire? And why didn’t American Airlines react? Was Arrow happy when Tiger ‘shared’ his toy Humvee? Why didn’t Melika and Tom join the Halloween costume parade this year? How well are the grand(est)sons bonding? Read More...
Tiger’s airport closes on upside down mountain SUV Arrow
01-11-16 18:40
What is a rolling thunder surprise birthday celebration? Is the thunder related to echoes from a truly grand canyon? Who booked a rental car for the wrong day at a small airport? Did they really turn off the airport lights before the taxi arrived? What’s worse: United Airlines flight delay ineptitude or American Airlines surly customer service? Why does a two year old believe that riding on a bus is more exciting than looking at The Grand Canyon? What is the best room decoration for a boy named ‘Arrow’? (Hint: There is a Hopi Village native crafts center nearby.) Read More...
Conifers pine fir yew in New York musical museum fire engine
13-09-16 22:15
Did yew know that some ‘pine cones’ haven’t fallen from pine trees? Where can you find a conifer connoisseur to spruce up the house? (And what would you need one fir?) Did Nazy let Tiger play in the sandbox at the Children’s Museum of Manhattan (CMOM)? Where did Tiger master pachinko? Who slept the best on the cross-country red-eye? And, remember the pre-mobility days when a baby who stays where you put him? Remember them fondly. Read More...
speechless incredulity stupefies Emirates blunder; United falls & cat meows
16-08-16 09:13
What event generated unprecedented stupefaction and speechless incredulity for The Martin Family in Santa Barbara, California? What major international airline bases its entire disaster recovery ‘plan’ on yellow sticky pads and magic markers? Is the ineptitude sufficient to dislodge United Airlines from a well-deserved and firmly entrenched position at the cellar of The Martin Family quality list? Why does the whole situation depends on a meowing cat? Does this week’s edition of The Weekly Letter actually include a picture of Dan with a bowtie and sideburns? Read More...
Bronze common infrequent flyer meets no outlet antelope
28-05-16 13:40
Where are the antelopes in Antelope Valley, California? They can’t escape, the park signs clearly say: “NO OUTLET”. Why did Dan want to sack the navigation computer? How did Dan cope with the transition from “Platinum Elite Frequent Flyer” status to “Bronze Common Infrequent Cargo” status? And is Tiger, the grand(est)son, taller than the main landing gear of a B-24? Read More...
backgammon craftsman foiled, great apartment found, flight home fumbled
21-05-16 09:45
Will the backgammon craftsman remember Nazy? (Of course he will! But, more importantly, will he remember the price he quoted the last time she was in Beirut?) Did Darius find a great new apartment in Beirut? (Of course not, but he did find a beautiful and capable wife with skills in that direction.) Did American Airlines provide a pleasant surprise with good service and edible cuisine — edible food — let’s not go overboard. (Well, yes, but how did they blow it in the end?) Read More...
Platinium Elite Flyer morphs to Dirt COMMON NYC Sinterklaas trip
13-12-15 10:52
Will Dan be able to complain about a trip where flights that are on-time, serviced by pleasant staff and incredibly economical? Hint: Dan is no longer a Platinum Elite Frequent Flyer; Dirt Common Infrequent Trodden Class is not quite as nice. How was Dan able to morph a trouble-free flight to New York into a story about Cameroon? Who celebrated St. Nicolas Day at the Saint Nicholas Cathedral In Sidon? How did that illuminate memories of Sinterklaas Day fun in Holland? And what does the cover picture have to do with the letter contents? Read More...
Flat Beds Fly: Elite-less airlines Lie with immobile movers
10-10-15 16:01
Why do airlines tout ‘flat beds’ while mattress companies promote beds that let you sit up? Can Dan cope with the loss of Elite Frequent Flyer Status? Is he willing to pay for an upgrade? Will he ‘go nuclear’ when given an invoice for checked baggage? How did a Burning Man U-Haul experience prepare Melika and Tom for a house move? And, in a home renovation project, what’s more important: the master bath toilet or the outdoor hot tube? (Hint: the ‘movees’ live in California.
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Zuni necklace? Tee-Shirt? While Bison Dan blocks the road
04-10-15 09:47
If you’re making a vintage western photograph, would Dan be The Good? The Bad? or The Ugly? *(Hint: Nazy said he could assume ‘The Good.&rsquo
Who, when they can’t decide on a tee-shirt color, compromises by buying a necklace? And a pair of boots? And a vest? And a hat?Where can you see a landscape that reminds you of Io? Read More...Sainted United Air chooses Delta for Teton Birthday trip
27-09-15 06:50
How did United Airlines finally deliver a perfect flight experience? (Hint: it involved another airline.) Where do bugs hitting the windshield sound like hail-sized baseballs? Is it a sheer coincidence that the Pope visited and the moon was eclipsed on Dan’s birthday weekend? Why are they renaming the street where we live? What led to a Grand visit to the Tetons? Read More...
Stinky Arrival recalls haughty salmon haircut
30-08-15 11:54
Why was Darius met by “You Stink!” signs when he got back to Beirut? (And why didn’t he take it personally?) How old should you be before getting your passport? Why don’t they know how to spell ‘color’ in Vancouver? What were the results when a three year old acted as her own hairdresser? What was (one of) Dan’s early career miscues? Read More...
Red light cedar preserves Lebanon monastery traffic
06-06-15 08:08
How did Lebanon’s cedars illuminate common approaches from Queen Victoria and Roman Emperor Hadrian? Where do New York City taxi drivers get trained? What promoted Darius to move into a really nice apartment? (Or, more accurately, Who promoted the move?) Where can you see the first printing press in the Middle East? Is there really a place called Deir Qozhaya? Read More...
skid row’s falling branches vaccinate moon phase Watch
24-01-15 17:31
Who misplaced the passport office by 99 city blocks? (And who decided to drive those Wilshire Blvd blocks during rush hour?) Which illegal alien dropped branches on The Martin Family patio? Did Dan really replace the mechanical “watch of his dreams’ with an expensive quartz model? (And what does that have to do with buying a house?) And, how did Nazy contract Whooping Arm?
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Potted evergreen Lion befuddles dropped Dyson vacuum
18-05-14 11:13
Warlocks? Silversmiths? Dan’s lion ring? How will it all turn out? Is Dan, like an unemployed court jester, nobody’s fool? Do you push the red button or the silver button first? (If you chose wrong, you’ll be covered in dusty debris.) Who is Stan Nardon and why did he generate a false alarm? And why is there a photo from Isfahan, Iran in this week’s issue of The Weekly Letter? Read More...
rental car immobilization leads to Ring ransom in New England
12-05-14 07:47
United Airlines delivers Dan and Nazy across the continent - on-time! (With some drama.) Dreadlocked warlocks demand ransom for Dan’s Lion Ring. (That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.) Bedlam Abode, The Martin Family residence in Hanover, NH (1986-1989; 1994-2001) is still standing. Nazy’s IWC in the Upper Valley celebrates 20 years with a huge prom party Read More...
Giant hats fly United Rabbit-Ear cooking class
20-04-14 10:43
Who ‘needs’ a giant yellow hat? (And who makes the hat look great?) Do you recall rabbit-ear TV antennas? (And which airline still uses them on the inflight entertainment system?) What kind of recipes should you study if you’re about to go on maternity leave? And, why does Credit Suisse want to close Dan’s account? Read More...
Dullest airport strafes magellan’s straight flushed Trip
25-07-13 07:47
Can Dan escape the sensory deprivation tank at the Dullest International Airport in the world? Who’s trip was worse: Ferdinand Magellan? Dan Martin? (Hint: Dan ‘traveled’ on a airline.) Which airport puts the runway and the terminal in different time-zones? Which airport puts the arrival and departure gates on different planets? Did Dan get home for his anniversary. Find answers to these and other burning questions on The Weekly Letter.
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Halifax Crew Mutiny worse worse Than Taxed departure
21-07-13 17:05
Can an airline consistently deliver on it’s core competence (lengthy, slow moving queues) consistently and globally? The answer, of course, is “Yes” - provided Dan is ‘flying’. Will a 15 Franc lunch voucher buy a lunch? Will Dan’s trip to California enter recorded history alongside Shackleton and Antarctica, Custer and Little Big Horn, Charles and Diana, Nuclear Power and Tsunami?
Read More...Bank holiday tram bridges one-legged mobile phone
11-05-13 10:00
Dark WIFI Belt Failure rattles Explosive Dryer
05-05-13 00:29
Will the iPhone “Big Bang” app meet Dan’s complex nightlight requirements? (Would an ink-jet printer do better?) Has anyone (ever) successfully re-installed a buckle on a reversible belt? Whatever happened to multipurpose shower rods? And would you use a clothes dryer with a ‘risk of explosion’ warning label? Read More...
Beauty Salon ICE Cubes recycle Cat compliance Spreadshee
28-04-13 01:25
What are the differences between Geneva and Zürich bus drivers? Do the employees of the Pussy Cat Nightclub get coiffeured at the “White and Black Toilettage for Chiens & Chats?” Will Dan’s finally honed recycling expertise be needed in Geneva? How could Dan threaten shipping in the Pacific Ocean? And finally, what, if anything, is he doing in Geneva?
Read More...Flight irregularity foils arrival at pussycat nightclub
20-04-13 23:41
He’s baaackk! Will Dan’s return to Switzerland go smoothly? (Hint: The trip involves an airport and airlines.) Is his Geneva apartment really located next to the Pussycat Nightclub? Will his state-of-the-art AT&T mobile phone from the USA work in Europe? And who would recommend getting a good breakfast at the airport?
Read More...iPhone text debacle with Big bill elvis costumes
29-12-12 08:14
Who can make a telephone purchase complicated? (Why aren’t we surprised?) Which service provider is unable to make text messaging work? (Text Messaging, Verizon!) Do you have a (future) son-in-law who owns an Elvis costume? Do you exist if you don’t have a California driver’s license? Read More...
First class elbows tax exit plans
22-12-12 07:31
How well-polished are Dan’s negotiation skills? See him test them out with the $wiss taxation authorities? Why did the TSA inspector, who’s radiation device spotted an anomaly on Dan’s elbow, pat down Dan’s butt? Should Dan have pointed that out? (Will he ever learn to shut up?) Read More...
Camels Pyramids The Sphinx and Nihilism on the Nile
30-11-12 11:33
What did Napoleon want to do with the Pyramids? Can an Egyptian artisan reproduce the ‘real, pure’ essence of Nazy’s Hermes perfume with locally marinated herbs? Is the Cairo Bazaar Grand? And, would you rather go on a boat trip down the Nile or bargain with the locals in a nearby (upscale) mall?
Read More...Gasoline Prices Flummox Christian Pharaohs in Cairo
23-11-12 04:49
When Darius said ‘gas is expensive’ did he really mean that petrol costs $21 a liter in Lebanon? How did the Pharaohs reverse the standard flow of time from past to present? (Why would they do it?) Would you rather have a 5000 year old Egyptian obelisk or a 200 year old French clock?
Read More...TAKSI Spices at the Rock Boutique
10-11-12 10:01
Is it a coincidence that the opening scene of the new James Bond movie (Skyfall) took place in the Grand Bazaar? Will the Istanbul taxi drivers scam Dan? (Probably not if Nazy is with him.) Does Nazy know how to drive a Turkish Ferry Boat? Read More...
Moses and Mohammad Queue in Istanbul
08-11-12 00:37
Did Moses have a staff or a cane? What’s easier to spell: Istanbul or Constantinople? How did Nazy bypass the queue to see the three spoons diamond - an 86 carat boulder? Does mythological history work for you - or are you tied to boring objective fact? And who shut the door to Dan’s Harem? Read More...
Turkish Delights, Bazaar-ing Nights, trouble-free flights
03-11-12 22:28
What’s the excess baggage allowance on Turkish Air? Can Istanbul’s Grand Bazaar survive an assault from Nazy? (And, will the family wallet survive?) What happened when Darius’ laptop entered it’s last lap? (And why does it matter?) Read More...
Jet-lagged Butterfly packs (Street) Parade parking ticket
18-08-12 23:45
How does the Zürich Street Parade differ from the Santa Barbara Fiesta? How many pairs of shoes can Nazy pack into a suitcase? (Will Dan be able to lift it?) What do butterflies have to do with Pelicans? Will Dan be able to foil the nefarious plans of Los Angeles parking police? Read More...
Magic (La) cage castles legally zoom and cirque
29-07-12 18:17
How can you make the 40th wedding anniversary most magical? Who is Iris and why does she love the Circus? Who would want to legally zoom an IPO at 4:00AM? Find out in this, the California edition of The Weekly Letter. Read More...
Once Upon an M&M anniversary New York Phase
22-07-12 00:12
Are ruby-red M&M’s the right gift for a 40th wedding anniversary celebration? Where is the best place to shop in the 21st Century in New York? Who was Intrepid enough to see Once but not Enterprising enough to see the shuttle? Read More...
Airliner Orville meets practically perfect Mary
26-02-12 09:57
Would you select United Airlines or Mary Poppins for your transatlantic flight? How many Q-Tip cotton balls does it take to stuff a pillow? Is red the only color needed to produce modern art?
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hatter paints three pairs of pants
19-02-12 01:27
Can a (mad) Santa Fe hatter sell Dan a beaver felt cowboy hat? Is an Ecuadorian-made Panama hat an economical alternative? How does Darius outsmart the (excess) baggage police? Why do honeybees love Nazy’s watercolors? Read More...
Taxing HHorse-drawn Paris Mitts
29-01-12 02:50
Geographically speaking, is California ‘on to way’ for a trip to New York from Switzerland? Did you know that horse-drawn trams function during an electricity outage? Who allowed an electricity failure (gasp!) in Zurich? And, is a private jet a tax-efficient investment? Read More...
Bully Angelfish trapped at an Event Horizon in Lebanon
11-12-11 01:26
Can the retail price of coca cola replace a cost of living index? Will a Lebanese approach save the Euro? (Know any trillionaires?) Can a “75%-off” sale warp the time-space continuum by creating an event horizon? Read More...
Lugged Luggage and a pointless st*r
04-12-11 09:17
Was our return flight as problem-free as the Atlantic crossing of the Titanic? Why did queuing for a coffee latte result in tooth enamel collecting on Dan’s tongue? (Would you stand in line behind someone with blue hair and a walker? See Photo of Dan by the TSA Queue. Read More...
€uro-less and luggage-less inside the beltway
27-11-11 09:25
Traveling again, why did Dan choose US Air? What do America’s Presidential candidates have to do with a Swiss Court ruling about nude hiking? Who would think that a Lebanese ATM card would work in Germany? Read More...