Slide rules Bank on rinse-less Box mountain
At this time last week, we had emptied many of the boxes labeled ‘kitchen’. Predictably, counter space was in disarray, but Nazy was confident of positive results that would be made possible through rearrangement. While she adjusted her ‘organizing’ hat, I waded into the living room. I emptied a box of sofa cushions and found..
“... another box of ‘Küche Geschirr.’” I shouted.
“What?” Nazy replied, unable to hear me over the whirlwind she was creating in the kitchen. “See, Dan,” she continued. “The counters are clear.”
“Does ‘Geschirr’ mean ‘Crap’?” I asked.
“Why?”
“I just found a box of Kitchen Geschirr.”
It was, in fact, the first of several additional boxes of ‘Kitchen Krap’. I fiendishly piled treasured ‘Geschirr’ onto newly cleared countertops:
“Look at this, Nazy! It’s a traveler’s banana case. I’m sure glad that you packed that...”
“Dan..”
“And a vignette scraper.”
“Why did you pack this?” Nazy retorted, brandishing my slide-rule.
“That’s an analog calculator,” I replied. “It works without a battery and breaks apart for easy packing.”
“You used it to tease the cat when we lived in Atlanta.”
“Well..”
“We don’t have a cat anymore.”
With her vaunted attention to detail, heavily honed stacking skill, appropriation of nearby closet space and several trips to ‘Bed, Bath and Beyond’ for containers, Nazy was able to put everything into its place. It was...
“Spectacular!” I enthused. “Wonderful! Everything is put away. You’ve filled every nook and cranny.”
Nazy beamed.
“But... where will we put the food?”
Unfortunately for progress, the kitchen was the only room in the new apartment that was bigger than the corresponding room in the old apartment.
“Are you telling me that I had the easy job?” Nazy interjects.
“Consider my study,” I replied. “My desk is in storage because it wouldn’t fit in the door. My three bookcases are in storage for similar reasons. We sold my favorite reading chair. We moved my Chinese cabinet into the dining room. And we didn’t bring my aquarium.”
“Your point?”
“We have boxes full of stuff that was in the bookshelves, desk drawers and Chinese cabinets..”
“You didn’t bring your fish.”
“We should have brought the water.”
“What?”
“Santa Barbara is a beautiful place, my dear. But the water doesn’t, eh, rinse off. Astonishingly, although the water sticks to one’s body, it is immune and impervious to towel activity.”
“Dan..”
“Santa Barbara towels repel Santa Barbara water. The water and towels in Palermo, Sicily were the same.”
“That’s a pretty random observation.”
“Back to the point, Nazy. There are 32,182 boxes of my..”
“ ....office geschirr..”
“... that should be put in furniture that is in a storage facility in Anaheim.”
“You exaggerate, Dan.”
“The city has designated ‘Martin Box Mountain’ as a landmark, Nazy.”
Our new home is located close to the Old Mission in Santa Barbara. In contrast, Melika and Tom live on ‘The Mesa’, with a wonderful view of the Pacific Ocean. Nazy and I enjoy walking along the beach - the sunsets are spectacular. And, we’re told, it is whale migration season, so it is possible to see whales from the shore.
“Look at that!” I exclaimed. “I think it’s a whale spouting.”
“It’s a pelican diving,” Nazy replied.
“Same thing.”
And, internationally:
“The Chinese government has demanded that American banks send detailed reports about the accounts of any (and all) citizens of China.”
“That’s outrageous.”
“Not really, It should be expected from an arbitrary and invasive government.”
“Precisely.”
“It’s silly since the American banks don’t know the details of customer accounts..”
“Of course they know, Dan.”
“They don’t know the details of their own accounts. But I digress. The Chinese government does not make such demands. However,” (the shoe drops), “the American government demands that every bank in every country report on every account of every American citizen.”
‘Nosy clods.”
“Land of the free, Nazy.”