Darius Age 5

“You’ve made my point. Positively, we found new friends, spotted the whales, enjoyed the flowers and broke the drought....” I continued. (On a roll.) Nazy was still going strong:

“We also began the process of becoming grandparents...”

“I don’t think we did that.”

“See! The glass is half full.”

“Well, Nazy, let’s split the cost of the glass and divide the contents equally.”

“How are you going to divide the contents?”

“I’ll take the bottom half,” I replied.

Some adjustments, however, remain challenging. For example, the local supermarket has an underground Parking Garage. The elevator has two buttons, “P” and “G”. I had no problem until Nazy reminded me that these controls had opposite meanings in Switzerland. [Note: in California P=Parking, G=Ground; In Switzerland, “P”=Parterre (ground floor) and “G”=Garage. So, pushing “P” in Switzerland resulted in upward motion, while pushing “G” caused the elevator to descend.

Once Nazy reminded me of this difference, I had to (actually) think before pushing the button.

“You don’t have to think, Dan. The “G” button has an “UP arrow.”

“G^?” I asked.

“Yes.”

“So I created a non-existent problem?”

“Precisely.”

Darius Prince of Persia

I decided to restrict my shopping to stores with ground level parking. I went the local CVS pharmacy to refill a prescription medication.

“We must call your doctor for validation. You can get it tomorrow.” The helpful clerk explained.

Annoyed, I agreed to come back. Twenty minutes later, I received an automated call:

“This is a courtesy call from CVS Pharmacy. Your prescription medication is available.”

“I have other things to do,” I thought, deciding to come back ‘tomorrow’.

I arrived bright and cheerful - the next day. But:

“Your insurance company won’t pay for this prescription. So... you need to give me $83.”

“The insurance company paid the last time,” I replied.

“Maybe you’re taking too many pills,” she replied. “Senior moments?” She thought.

“Maybe the insurance company screwed up.” “For sure you’re screwed up,” I thought.

I paid, drove home and complained - to Nazy, who called the insurance company:

“Insurance says they paid CVS for a new prescription one week ago. I called CVS and they said that they made a mistake. You have to bring the pills they gave you..”

“.... sold me....”

“Gave, sold, whatever. Just bring them back. They’ll refund your money.”

“Will they apologize?”

Darius with the Christmas Octopus

“Just get the money.”


Nazy and I drove back to the CVS. I let Nazy handle the return. It didn’t go well.

“They want the receipt. They have the pills, they remember the sale, they agree they owe you the money, but they want the receipt. Without the receipt, you’ll only get a store credit.”

“That’s..”

“Where did you put the receipt, Dan?” Nazy asked pointedly

“Maybe it’s in the car,” I replied hopefully.

It wasn’t. Nazy, walking out of the drugstore, joined me. “Find the receipt and get your money back.”

I retrieved the receipt from home and drove back to CVS. Again!

“Why did your wife leave?” The clerk asked. “I was going to give her a store credit.”

“This is my fourth trip to CVS to get a single prescription refilled. My fourth trip. I can’t honestly say I’m happy.”

“You didn’t need to come back, we would give you a store credit. It’s just as good as cash.”

“Not quite as good,” I replied.

The clerk responded with a blank look.

“You assume that I’ll return to this store.”

The clerk sputtered.

“I’ve now exceeded lifetime CVS visit limit.” I smugly continued.

The clerk was (naturally) unable to refund my debit card payment in cash. Instead, she credited my debit card. Several days later, the credit has not yet hit my account. Perhaps I should have controlled my smugness.

Last week’s letter featured pictures of Melika (who was celebrating a birthday.) This week’s edition features Darius, who will be having a birthday soon. (He lives in Lebanon, in an early time zone, so he’s used to early celebrations.)

Darius and the Honey Man In Sideon