Rainy season Eclipses talkative Banana Hat
Flashback Nigeria
My introduction into the country and not been smooth. In fact, the country manager, Phil Watts, had taken significant umbrage:
“So! Another stupid idea from Central Offices. You are going to remove The Telex. The only thing that works in Nigeria is The Telex. And you have decided to eliminate it. Did anyone think of SPDC? (Shell Petroleum Development Company, Nigeria). Did they realize how difficult my life is? No! They decided to remove The Telex. And did they get an Oil Man to manage the project? No! They found a stupid American.”
“Stupid?” I asked.
“You took the job, didn’t you?” Phil retorted.
After this warm introduction and the news that Phil would hold my passport and not pay the bribes necessary to get an exit visa until he was happy, I embarked on a tour of Shell’s in-country “infrastructure” and facilities. I came up with three alternatives and returned to Lagos. I needed Phil to choose the best approach. Before I began the presentation, Femi, a local, told me to emphasize the first step - which was the same in all three options. “Tell him that we must lay the 500 meters of cable - BEFORE THE RAINY SEASON.”
Phil was not paying attention as I presented the options. He woke up at the end.
“How much?” He asked.
“Which option, Phil?”
“Dan, Dan, Dan. This is Nigeria. We will do all three options and hope that one of them works. Now how much?”
“Eh..” I mumbled. “We have to begin before the rainy season.” I delayed. “I thought he would choose and then I’d do the cost research,” I thought. Phil just stared at me.
“Dan! Is it One Million, Two Million, Five Million or Ten Million?”
“Ten Million!” I replied. “Good. I’ll pay for it out of my personal kitty. Here’s your passport. Don’t forget the malaria pills.”
After Phil left, I turned to Femi. “Eh, that Ten Million: Would that be Dollars, Deutschmarks, Pounds, Gilders, Naira?”
“I think it’s dollars,” Femi replied.
“Good!” I replied. “Thank God!” i thought.
End Flashback.
I leave it to you, the reader to guess whether we got the first step done “before the rainy season”. Hint: I had to hire a team of scuba divers to pull cable through the storm sewer. Naturally, the Santa Barbara rainy season will not be so dramatic. Santa Barbara did have a major astronomical event his week.
“… a partial eclipse of the sun, Nazy.” I explained. “But it will be hard to see”
“If the sun is blocked, Dan, I’m sure we’ll notice.”
“Partially blocked. We need a nice layer of clouds to filter the sun. That way we can see the shadow of the Earth..”
“Clouds? Have you forgotten where we live?”
I tried to take, eh, I did take a photograph of the sun at mid(partial)-eclipse. As expected, it wasn’t an informative effort.
Note: The camera lens was not damaged during this process.
Nazy agreed that a 30% blockage was insufficient to make the eclipse readily apparent.I was, of course, prepared.
“We’ll punch a pinhole in one sheet of paper project the sun onto another sheet of paper. Then we will marvel at this rare wonder of nature.”
Although Nazy wasn’t completely convinced, she gamely held the two sheets of paper in place. The truncated sun appeared on the projection paper. It was size of an emaciated raisin..
“Aren’t all raisins emaciated?” Nazy asked. “Isn’t emaciation what turns a grape into a raisin?”
“A raisin is a desiccated grape. You are missing my point, my dear. I’m simply saying that our solar projection of the sun, the center of our solar system, was an unimpressive dot..”
“Well, Dan. At least we conclusively showed that the sun had been eclipsed.”
This week, Nazy and I also went to a Halloween Costume Party. I was aghast when Nazy asked Tom and Melika for costume advice.
“Dan,” Nazy said. “They have an entire costume room. They love costumes. Tom will have a great idea.”
“We had a good idea last year. You went as Marilyn Monroe and Elvis Presley..”
“You wanted to wear clown pajamas, Dan.”
“Those are not pajamas. I thought of being a member of Congress, not a clown.”
“What’s the difference?”
“This year, Tom thinks we should go as bananas.”
“He wants us to go bananas?”
“To go AS bananas.”
“Yes Dear.” I replied.
Naturally, there is time for a grand(est)son update. Melika has been reading a lot about children’s language acquisition.
“When he starts babbling, Dad, you need to listen. And you need to teach him to take turns in talking. You respond when he talks. That will teach him how communication works - by taking turns.”
‘Got it!” I replied.
“If you don’t do it that way, Dad. The baby will grow up talking but not listening.”
“Got it!” I replied. “Still got it!” I thought. “On the other hand, if I follow your advice, Melika, he’ll never become a business executive.”
Mitra also visited this week. She had knitted a hat for young Tiger…
“It began as a blanket, Dad. But my friend said that would take two years…”
“I think he’ll grow faster than you can knit.”
“So I changed it into a hat.”
Last week’s letter click here
