Stringless violins splash metaphorically in classical TSA Scam
We’ve had exciting times here. We recently attended a performance by the Santa Barbara Symphony. As a graduate of Georgia Tech, I am, of course an expert in classical music. And..
“Look at this, Nazy!” I exclaimed. “They’ve dedicated the performance to us.”
“What?”
“They are opening with The William Tell Overture.”
“So?”
“Switzerland, my dear. Where did we last live?”
“Zürich, but..”
“I rest my case.”
During the performance I was discombobulated. “That sounds like the Long Ranger theme,” I thought.
The performance also featured a guest artist - Timothy Chooi - from Victoria, British Columbia. He is a 20 year old violinist. As winner of a Canada-wide competition, he has the right to use a 1729 Guarneri del Gesù violin for three years. During the performance, the E-string broke. As the conductor explained later..
“.. this is a common occurrence with the Symphony. The last time it happened was 22 years ago.”
Common or not, everyone knew exactly what to do. The concert-master immediately gave his violin to Timothy. The second violinist switched instruments and left the stage to replace the broken string. A short time later all performers were reunited with the appropriate instruments.
Later, Timothy joined the Santa Barbara newcomers contingent after the performance to answer questions.
“We knew what to do, but I’m sure you noticed that the Stradivarius replacement played much darker than my normal instrument.”
“Who turned off the lights?” I thought, gloomily.
“And then, when I got my violin back, it sounded different. Somewhat mottled.”
“He’s just stringing us along,” I thought, unbowed.
It was interesting to meet Timothy. This was his first performance as a featured soloist - and he brought his mother with him. He showed off the $5M violin that he carries in his backpack.
The performance also featured the Millennium Overture by Dirk Brossé. It was commissioned by Bill Gates. (I thought commissioned music compositions had died out about 200 years ago.) Both Nazy and I enjoyed the music. And, since I didn’t hear any flaws, bugs, gaps or gaffs, I assume we were listening to version 5.2 - at least.
Tom, Melika+, Nazy
Tom and Melika invited us to join them at Santa Barbara’s “New Vic” this week to see the Tony-award winning play Metamorphoses. We knew it was going to be a bit strange when we saw the stage.
“It is full of water,” Nazy gurgled.
“It brings back memories,” I replied. “When Georgia Tech gave us the Hemphill Street Church to use as the DramaTech Theatre, the facility came with a deep baptismal font.”
“A deep..”
“A very deep baptismal font. It looked like a mini-swimming pool. I wanted to present ‘Moby Dick’ as the opening show, but I was out-voted.”
“You probably wanted to play the title role.”
“The title role is a whale.”
“You like being the big star.”
Metamorphoses is based on an Ovid poem that retells Greek Mythology. For this performance, the people sitting in the front row were given waterproof ponchos. There was a lot of splashing. Everybody in the cast played several different parts. The plot.
“... would be easily detected by someone with a liberal arts degree,” I told Nazy.
“Really? I have a liberal arts degree,” she replied.
“Yes, but did you major in ancient literature, poetry and ironic pentameter?”
“There is an overall theme, Dan. I’m sure that even you can tell..”
“I think has something to do with transformation.”
“See!”
“I can tell by the title,” I thought. “And about the petty fickleness of the Grεεk Gods.”
“Did you like it?”
“It was a play with a bubbly, liquid flow, an occasional splash of humor and a message that precipitated into a river (named Styx) dripping with analogy and wet cognitive constructs. The deluge of metaphorical metaphors in Metamorphoses created a damp feeling of illusionary alliteration combined with soaked. but sophisticated, syllogism that drizzled like waves in the ocean.”
“So you didn’t understand it?”
“Right.”
Scene from the play
This week Nazy and I also drove to Oxnard to register for the TSA’s pre-approved traveller program. We wanted to get certified so that we could clear TSA checkpoints without taking off our shoes or removing our electronic items.
Reader Interrupt
“Oxnard? You drove to Oxnard? Why?”
“Well, someone located the TSA office in Best Western Hotel in Oxnard.”
“So it’s a scam.”
End Interrupt
We brought our passports, filled out a few forms and were told we’d hear the results in about 3 weeks - provided we paid $85 (each) immediately.
As we drove home, Nazy found a nearby Starbucks attached to a discount shopping mall.
“But I don’t understand, Dan,” She said. “Why do we have to pay to have a government agency do work? I thought that was why we paid taxes.”
“Well, dear,” I replied. “A reader has told me that the entire thing is a huge scam.”