Beach Balls, Lost Marbles, Trampolines and the Matterhorn
18-07-15 18:43 Family Humor,Baby
Summer! (From our overseas posting, I recall that July 19 was the day that summer arrived in The Netherlands while July 21 was the day that autumn began.) Here in Santa Barbara, we haven’t noticed any temperature change - but the days have gotten longer. And the dinning room table has gotten bigger.
Recap: Melika and Tom bought a house that been built around an immovable marble dinning room table. (For perspective, the table is comparable in size to The Matterhorn.) Melika and Tom were the only buyers willing to take the house and the table - and they did that because Nazy always wanted…
“… a round marble table, Dan.” Nazy interrupts.
Melika and Tom will renovate their new home. Renovation, of course, begins with a bit of demolition.
Definition: ‘A bit of demolition’. See: The Siege of Leningrad, Sherman’s march to the sea, Pearl Harbor, Little Big Horn, Troy and Carthage.
Renovation couldn’t be completed until the table was removed. And..
“… that won’t be easy, Nazy.” I explained optimistically. “It will take a magnitude 5 earthquake to budge that table,” I thought.
“I’ve contracted three strong men to move it,” Nazy replied.
“Eh, Mom?” Melika interjected. “Mark was just at the house. He says you’ll need at least five very strong men.”
“And a sky hook.” I added.
“I’ll let the movers know.” Nazy replied.
“See if they’re insured,” I said.
“They will be careful, Dan.” Nazy said as she told the movers she need five strong men.
“Very strong men, Nazy” I interrupted. “With medical insurance,” I thought.
When we got to the house, we discovered that the ‘demolition’ phase of the renovation had begun. We also discovered that Melika didn’t have a key to the house. Luckily, we were able to hoist someone through an open window on the third floor. And, predictably, when the mover saw the table, moving costs increa$ed. Luckily we reached final agreement on the new price before the movers realized that the only way out of the house was via a spiral staircase.
The table, which looked big in Melika’s vast dinning room, looked gargantuan as they wheeled it (just barely) out the door.
“The table is bigger than our dinning room,” I muttered. Fact: The diameter is 6’8”.
“That is why I’m going to rearrange the house.” Nazy replied. “And then you will need to find a home with a bigger dining room.”
We, or, more accurately, five very strong men, eventually got the table, wrapped in protective padding, into the house.
“Wow!” I said. “Now we can dine in the living room.”
“We have room for a twelve-person dinner party.” Nazy enthused.
“We have room to host a sit-down dinner for the entire House of Representatives, Nazy.” I replied.
As we learn to maneuver around the table, I am happy to report that..
“… my socks are getting lighter, Nazy.”
“Your socks?”
“Yes, according to my physician, my ideal weight is 165 pounds. I weight myself at the ‘Y’ after exercise and..”
“Your socks?” Nazy repeated.
“That’s right. I weigh myself wearing my socks. My ideal weight is fixed, so I simply use subtraction to determine the weight that my socks contribute to the overall reading.”
“Are you…”
“When I started the exercising regime, my socks were really heavy. But now, they are under three pounds. Have you recently bought socks that are made of a less dense material?”
“The only thing dense around here, Dan, is you.”
And, speaking of dense - I was returning home from my daily walk with Tiger, the grand(est)son. The neighbor saw me and..
“Did you guys get a trampoline?” She asked.
“A trampoline? I don’t think so.” I replied. “Is she crazy?” I thought.
“Are you sure?” She persisted.
“Well - I haven’t noticed anything bouncing.” I replied. “Except the marbles you’ve lost.” I thought. .
“But what was that big round thing wrapped in the blue tarpaulin?”
“Ah, that was the new dinning room table.”
“You got that inside your house?”
In a few weeks, Darius and Christiane will be visiting California. But, before they come, they are going to a wedding in Grεεce.
“Bring cash, Dar,” I recommended. “The banks have no money.”
“Don’t worry, Dad. I lived in Iceland when the currency collapsed. I am an economist.”
“Are you going to bring trinkets to barter?” I thought.
Newsflash: Politicians in Europe have agreed to delay the Greek Crisis by pretending that there is a solution when, in fact, they are simply continuing the approach that has been a wretched, abject, all-encompassing failure.
Music classes for Tiger, the grand(est)son resumed this week. He really likes music - especially banging on things - as Nazy discovered on a recent outing. For this class, however, he was distracted. The teacher had bought a collection of beach balls and while music is fun..
“Beach balls are more fun,” I thought as Tiger abandoned the ukulele and dashed to the partially hidden beach balls. He got annoyed when he couldn’t hold onto two of them at once.
Recap: Melika and Tom bought a house that been built around an immovable marble dinning room table. (For perspective, the table is comparable in size to The Matterhorn.) Melika and Tom were the only buyers willing to take the house and the table - and they did that because Nazy always wanted…
“… a round marble table, Dan.” Nazy interrupts.
Melika and Tom will renovate their new home. Renovation, of course, begins with a bit of demolition.
Definition: ‘A bit of demolition’. See: The Siege of Leningrad, Sherman’s march to the sea, Pearl Harbor, Little Big Horn, Troy and Carthage.
Renovation couldn’t be completed until the table was removed. And..
“… that won’t be easy, Nazy.” I explained optimistically. “It will take a magnitude 5 earthquake to budge that table,” I thought.
“I’ve contracted three strong men to move it,” Nazy replied.
“Eh, Mom?” Melika interjected. “Mark was just at the house. He says you’ll need at least five very strong men.”
“And a sky hook.” I added.
“I’ll let the movers know.” Nazy replied.
“See if they’re insured,” I said.
“They will be careful, Dan.” Nazy said as she told the movers she need five strong men.
“Very strong men, Nazy” I interrupted. “With medical insurance,” I thought.
When we got to the house, we discovered that the ‘demolition’ phase of the renovation had begun. We also discovered that Melika didn’t have a key to the house. Luckily, we were able to hoist someone through an open window on the third floor. And, predictably, when the mover saw the table, moving costs increa$ed. Luckily we reached final agreement on the new price before the movers realized that the only way out of the house was via a spiral staircase.
The table, which looked big in Melika’s vast dinning room, looked gargantuan as they wheeled it (just barely) out the door.
“The table is bigger than our dinning room,” I muttered. Fact: The diameter is 6’8”.
“That is why I’m going to rearrange the house.” Nazy replied. “And then you will need to find a home with a bigger dining room.”
We, or, more accurately, five very strong men, eventually got the table, wrapped in protective padding, into the house.
“Wow!” I said. “Now we can dine in the living room.”
“We have room for a twelve-person dinner party.” Nazy enthused.
“We have room to host a sit-down dinner for the entire House of Representatives, Nazy.” I replied.
As we learn to maneuver around the table, I am happy to report that..
“… my socks are getting lighter, Nazy.”
“Your socks?”
“Yes, according to my physician, my ideal weight is 165 pounds. I weight myself at the ‘Y’ after exercise and..”
“Your socks?” Nazy repeated.
“That’s right. I weigh myself wearing my socks. My ideal weight is fixed, so I simply use subtraction to determine the weight that my socks contribute to the overall reading.”
“Are you…”
“When I started the exercising regime, my socks were really heavy. But now, they are under three pounds. Have you recently bought socks that are made of a less dense material?”
“The only thing dense around here, Dan, is you.”
And, speaking of dense - I was returning home from my daily walk with Tiger, the grand(est)son. The neighbor saw me and..
“Did you guys get a trampoline?” She asked.
“A trampoline? I don’t think so.” I replied. “Is she crazy?” I thought.
“Are you sure?” She persisted.
“Well - I haven’t noticed anything bouncing.” I replied. “Except the marbles you’ve lost.” I thought. .
“But what was that big round thing wrapped in the blue tarpaulin?”
“Ah, that was the new dinning room table.”
“You got that inside your house?”
In a few weeks, Darius and Christiane will be visiting California. But, before they come, they are going to a wedding in Grεεce.
“Bring cash, Dar,” I recommended. “The banks have no money.”
“Don’t worry, Dad. I lived in Iceland when the currency collapsed. I am an economist.”
“Are you going to bring trinkets to barter?” I thought.
Newsflash: Politicians in Europe have agreed to delay the Greek Crisis by pretending that there is a solution when, in fact, they are simply continuing the approach that has been a wretched, abject, all-encompassing failure.
Music classes for Tiger, the grand(est)son resumed this week. He really likes music - especially banging on things - as Nazy discovered on a recent outing. For this class, however, he was distracted. The teacher had bought a collection of beach balls and while music is fun..
“Beach balls are more fun,” I thought as Tiger abandoned the ukulele and dashed to the partially hidden beach balls. He got annoyed when he couldn’t hold onto two of them at once.
For last week's letter, click here
Tiger and the Flowers
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