“US Airways cannot reverse a charge that was not charged b us as it is tangibly impossible”

“Tangibly impossible,” I thought. “I might have understood ‘intangibly impossible’, but..”

On the other hand, as I explained to Nazy:

“They gave us two $125 travel vouchers.”

“Whoopee!” Nazy was enthralled. “Can we use the vouchers on other airlines?”

“Of course not. And we can’t use them on flights booked on the Internet.”

“When was the last time that we booked a flight without using the Internet?”

“Well..”

“Do you even know how to book a flight without using the Internet?”

“Eh..”

“So as a result of your letter of complaint, we got unusable vouchers for an airline that we will never choose?”

“At least I got material for The Weekly Letter.”

And on that cheery note, I set off for my annual physical examination.

“Luckily,” I thought. “I’m in the best shape I’ve been in since college.”

You can, therefore, imagine my surprise when my physician recommended that I visit a heart specialist.

“What?” I emoted.

“You have two major risk factors,” Dr. Hoff replied. “We can fix one, but we can’t do anything about the other.”

“Which one can you fix?” I asked.

“You’re a male.”

“I think I’ll live with that one. What’s the unfixable factor?”

“Your age. You’re getting older.”

“Getting older is a ‘good thing’. I’d like to keep doing it.”

“Age is a risk factor.”

“So, if I had died at age 40, the chances of me having a heart problem now would be..”

“Non-existent.”

The witty doctor was very proud of his sonar system and associated video monitor.

“‘I’ve even installed a monitor so that you can see your heart beating.”

The monitor displayed a familiar image. “Looks like the picture of Mitra when she was still in the womb,” I thought. “So it’s a girl.” I replied.

“You can see how the valve moves,” the doctor continued as I concentrated on the sound that the machine was making.

“That reminds me of gargantuan tides ripping through the Bay of Fundy,” I thought. “Is that, eh, sloshing normal?” I asked.

“That’s not your heart,” he explained. “That’s the sound made by my machine,”

“Maybe you can find something more soothing on iTunes.”

After a stress test on a stationary bicycle, he explained the results: “There are no problems. Come back in two years.”

“I’ll be two years older then,” I thought. “Thanks,” I said.

“And we’ll keep meeting like this...”

“... until my chances of heart problem are non-existent?”

Back home, Nazy asked about the examination. I was forthright and to the point.

“... and the doctor said that I should avoid housework.”

“Really?”

“Do not help around the house,” he said. “It’s stressful. It could put an undue burden..”

“Speaking of burdens, take the garbage to the dumpster.”

“Yes, dear.” I replied.

On topic of burdens, I spent the week shuttling holiday decorations from the upper floor to the living room. I usually provide a photo of the The Martin Family Christmas Tree - explaining that it is as tall as the Washington Monument [⇒] and...