prowling tiger pokes words into practiced focus
I hope that you are well and happy.. We’ve had great week here in Santa Barbara. As a result of successful cataract surgery, I am now literally always looking on the bright side. There was, however, one challenging event associated with the new eyes. I remembered what Mike had told me:
“Until the eye heals you need to be very careful. A single wrong move could cause the lens to wrinkle or rotate. That’s why I want you to wear the eye patch while you sleep - and in any potentially dangerous situations.”
Because my doctor was talking about my eye, his advice automatically went in one ear and out the other. In fact, the day after the surgery I was playing with Tiger - the Grand(est)son. Regular readers will recall that he is now 9 months old. Everyone knows that no nine month old child has full and flawless muscular control.
“Everyone knows?” Nazy asks. “You didn’t know.”
“I knew. But I hadn’t internalized the knowledge.”
“So you let him..”
“And he had never poked his finger into my eye before,” I continued.
It hurt for a while, but a routine examination a few days later confirmed that there was no permanent damage. And, Mike, noting that he had fixed all two of my eyes, declared that his vision related work was done:
“Your long and medium vision is perfect, Dan.” Mike explained. “I’ve done my job, The last step is up to you” Mike thought. “Practice reading every chance you get,” he continued.
“Practice reading? Really? How could I forget how to read? Did cataract surgery mess up my reading ability? Did you slip and drive a scalpel through a reading part of my brain?”
“I’ve given you high-tech lenses, Dan. They correct your astigmatism as well as your distance and mid-range vision. The lenses are also flexible. Now that you eyes have healed, you should train yourself to focus the new lens when you’re looking at close-up things.”
“Close up things?”
“Like words on a page.”
“Ah. I thought that I had to wear reading glasses.”
“Reading glasses - until now. Now you should practice focusing. Train your brain to do it automatically. Practice as much as you can. The lenses are adaptive. If you keep practicing, your brain will figure it out.”
“Thanks, Mike.” I replied. “I hope he’s not over-estimating my brain.” I thought.
I am practicing, but I’m also still getting adjusted. In the past, if I couldn’t get a word on the computer screen into focus, I simply moved my head to properly use the progressive lenses in my glasses. I still find myself wanting to move my head if what I’m reading is not in focus. Also, I used to take my glasses off to read. So, when I look at a word that is a bit out of focus, my first instinct is to take off the glasses that I’m no longer wearing.
Although young Tiger’s motor skills and coordination are not completely smooth, he has learned to move. He can crawl across the living room and he can pull himself into a standing position next to the coffee table. He likes to ‘walk’ along holding the coffee table. And
“This boy is unbelievable, Nazy!” I exclaimed. “He knows when my back is turned.”
“What?”
“If I turn my back, he makes a dash for the fireplace.”
“He likes the fireplace.”
“It’s hot and messy, Naz.”
“That’s why he likes it. You shouldn’t turn your back.”
While the grand(est)son was mastering crawling, the First Son, Darius, was still battling with the banks. Miffed at Wells Fargo, he had moved his account to Norwest in the 1990s. Wells Fargo responded by purchasing Norwest. In the 2000’s, Darius (again) closed his account with Wells Fargo and moved the Wachovia. Wells Fargo bought Wachovia shortly thereafter. In the 2010’s, Darius closed his Wells Fargo account and opened an account with American Rivera Bank in Santa Barbara. (He still has some US-based transaction requirements.)
“Don’t tell Wells Fargo that you changed banks,” I advised Darius.
“I’m not worried, Dad. American Rivera Bank is too small to interest Wells Fargo. Besides, it doesn’t fit into Wells Fargo because it is well capitalized and well-managed.”
“So your banking problems are solved?”
“No. I’m still trying to find a cost-effective way to transfer money from Lebanon to the USA.”
“Don’t transfer it to my account, Dar. I don’t want Homeland Security looking into my finances.”
“The problem, Dad, is the transaction fees. My originating bank in Lebanon charges a $25 fee. Thankfully, American Rivera does not charge an incoming wire fee. But, since the Lebanese bank doesn’t have services in the USA, they use a correspondent bank - and it charges a $38 fee. I don’t understand why they charge so much. They are not doing any real work and the per transaction cost of the electronic system that they use is minuscule.”
“So they charge you a lot for doing very little.”
“Yes.”
“Banking defined, Darius.”
I recommended that Darius use HSBC - “they have a proven record of helping clients launder money”. (Dar demurred because his ‘clean money’ is too small to interest HSBC.) I suggested that he send his deposits by check - “no fees with checks, Dar”. He explained that a check will take at least 3 months to clear. Since Nazy and I will be in Lebanon at the end of May, I offered to carry cash into the USA for Darius. [Note to loyal readers: Readers can make sure that I have a smooth arrival by not sharing the cash-carrying revelation with anyone in customs, immigration, internal revenue, homeland security, the NSA, border patrol, special investigative units, treasury department,.. Oops, I can see where this is going and will have to take desperate measures:]
“Until the eye heals you need to be very careful. A single wrong move could cause the lens to wrinkle or rotate. That’s why I want you to wear the eye patch while you sleep - and in any potentially dangerous situations.”
Because my doctor was talking about my eye, his advice automatically went in one ear and out the other. In fact, the day after the surgery I was playing with Tiger - the Grand(est)son. Regular readers will recall that he is now 9 months old. Everyone knows that no nine month old child has full and flawless muscular control.
“Everyone knows?” Nazy asks. “You didn’t know.”
“I knew. But I hadn’t internalized the knowledge.”
“So you let him..”
“And he had never poked his finger into my eye before,” I continued.
It hurt for a while, but a routine examination a few days later confirmed that there was no permanent damage. And, Mike, noting that he had fixed all two of my eyes, declared that his vision related work was done:
“Your long and medium vision is perfect, Dan.” Mike explained. “I’ve done my job, The last step is up to you” Mike thought. “Practice reading every chance you get,” he continued.
“Practice reading? Really? How could I forget how to read? Did cataract surgery mess up my reading ability? Did you slip and drive a scalpel through a reading part of my brain?”
“I’ve given you high-tech lenses, Dan. They correct your astigmatism as well as your distance and mid-range vision. The lenses are also flexible. Now that you eyes have healed, you should train yourself to focus the new lens when you’re looking at close-up things.”
“Close up things?”
“Like words on a page.”
“Ah. I thought that I had to wear reading glasses.”
“Reading glasses - until now. Now you should practice focusing. Train your brain to do it automatically. Practice as much as you can. The lenses are adaptive. If you keep practicing, your brain will figure it out.”
“Thanks, Mike.” I replied. “I hope he’s not over-estimating my brain.” I thought.
I am practicing, but I’m also still getting adjusted. In the past, if I couldn’t get a word on the computer screen into focus, I simply moved my head to properly use the progressive lenses in my glasses. I still find myself wanting to move my head if what I’m reading is not in focus. Also, I used to take my glasses off to read. So, when I look at a word that is a bit out of focus, my first instinct is to take off the glasses that I’m no longer wearing.
Although young Tiger’s motor skills and coordination are not completely smooth, he has learned to move. He can crawl across the living room and he can pull himself into a standing position next to the coffee table. He likes to ‘walk’ along holding the coffee table. And
“This boy is unbelievable, Nazy!” I exclaimed. “He knows when my back is turned.”
“What?”
“If I turn my back, he makes a dash for the fireplace.”
“He likes the fireplace.”
“It’s hot and messy, Naz.”
“That’s why he likes it. You shouldn’t turn your back.”
While the grand(est)son was mastering crawling, the First Son, Darius, was still battling with the banks. Miffed at Wells Fargo, he had moved his account to Norwest in the 1990s. Wells Fargo responded by purchasing Norwest. In the 2000’s, Darius (again) closed his account with Wells Fargo and moved the Wachovia. Wells Fargo bought Wachovia shortly thereafter. In the 2010’s, Darius closed his Wells Fargo account and opened an account with American Rivera Bank in Santa Barbara. (He still has some US-based transaction requirements.)
“Don’t tell Wells Fargo that you changed banks,” I advised Darius.
“I’m not worried, Dad. American Rivera Bank is too small to interest Wells Fargo. Besides, it doesn’t fit into Wells Fargo because it is well capitalized and well-managed.”
“So your banking problems are solved?”
“No. I’m still trying to find a cost-effective way to transfer money from Lebanon to the USA.”
“Don’t transfer it to my account, Dar. I don’t want Homeland Security looking into my finances.”
“The problem, Dad, is the transaction fees. My originating bank in Lebanon charges a $25 fee. Thankfully, American Rivera does not charge an incoming wire fee. But, since the Lebanese bank doesn’t have services in the USA, they use a correspondent bank - and it charges a $38 fee. I don’t understand why they charge so much. They are not doing any real work and the per transaction cost of the electronic system that they use is minuscule.”
“So they charge you a lot for doing very little.”
“Yes.”
“Banking defined, Darius.”
I recommended that Darius use HSBC - “they have a proven record of helping clients launder money”. (Dar demurred because his ‘clean money’ is too small to interest HSBC.) I suggested that he send his deposits by check - “no fees with checks, Dar”. He explained that a check will take at least 3 months to clear. Since Nazy and I will be in Lebanon at the end of May, I offered to carry cash into the USA for Darius. [Note to loyal readers: Readers can make sure that I have a smooth arrival by not sharing the cash-carrying revelation with anyone in customs, immigration, internal revenue, homeland security, the NSA, border patrol, special investigative units, treasury department,.. Oops, I can see where this is going and will have to take desperate measures:]
Boing! Boing! Boing! Reader Alert Boing! Boing! Boing!
The previous paragraph will self-destruct after you have read it.
Destroyed paragraph follows
This month friends (from Chicago, New York and Washington) and relatives (from Boston) are visiting us here in Santa Barbara. At first I thought they were attracted by our charm. And then I realized that they all had something in common. Something unfamiliar to us. Something cold. Something blowing and melting and piling up. We had had seen distant images of woe on the news, but the entire concept of ‘winter’ as explained by these poor refugees was foreign and scary.
Nazy and I went to a party this week. Everyone at the party was having cataract surgery from Mike. I think it’s a baby-boomer thing.
For last week's letter click here
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