Stumbling through 650 sand-wielding, FöHn-filled,Tulips
I hope that this week will deliver unfettered happiness, prosperity beyond your wildest dreams and the excellent health of a well-exercised, fruit and vegetable-eating genetically perfect and bad habit-shunning human being.
Reader interrupt: “But I like some bad habits.”
Answer: In that case, replace “bad habit-shunning” with “fun loving and fun living”.
Here in Zürich, April is delivering wonderful sunny days courtesy of the föhn - a wind form the south that..
“Gives people headaches,” Nazy explained.
“Headaches?”
“That’s what the natives say. It gives me joy.”
“How can sunny days generate headaches?”
“I don’t know. I’m not a native.”
This week the föhn is especially strong. Sand lifted from the Sahara and carried over the Mediterranean (and the Alps) provide a yellow tint to the blue sky. (According to my dimly remembered high school physics, this should make the sky green.) As far as I can tell, this did not happen. Regular readers know that it is unlikely that I would have, or even could have, detected a green tinge in the sky.) I did, however, notice a great sunset.
The big news this week is STUMBLING THROUGH THE TULIPS (not sand). My book is now available on Amazon.com here. Excerpts are available on my (newly-named) website www.danmartin.ch. Example stories include: But I like it here, a family demonstration of the way the US governmental system works - an illusion of debate about a decision already made. He is wearing a Tie brings D-Day and invasion to mind. Bluffs on the dunes of the Scheveningen Beach hosted World WarII bunkers. Sand below hosted the "swimsuit optional" beach. There’s No Christmas Spirit recounts a a strange series of events that culminated with Mitra in the kitchen. Darius' reaction ("If she's cooking, Dad, then I'm not eating.") was predictable. Melika? She just wanted a cat.
Just in case you missed the point, I’ve attached a (clickable) photo of the book’s cover.
“Do you really think that’s necessary?” Nazy asked.
“People want to know...”
“Dan: You’ve used a red font in CAPITAL LETTERS...”
“BOLD CAPITAL LETTERS..”
“and included five links in the space of two paragraphs. I think you’ve made your point.”
“I guess you’re right. Should I include a link to the reviews?”
“What reviews?”
“The overwhelmingly favorable reviews. Do you want the one that said this was the best family humor book ever written? Or the one that touted the author’s ‘uncanny wittiness’? Or the one recommending, ah hm, my book as a must read for expats?”
“You have links to those reviews?”
“I will as soon as I upload them.”
“Don’t you think that you should be a bit more subtle?”
Reader interrupt: Did you say you renamed your website?
Answer; Are you changing the subject?
Reader: I hope so.
Answer: I did change the name.
Reader: Why?
“Why?”, along with “What?” and “How” (as well as their cousins, “When?”, “Who” and “Where&rdquo
is always a good question. It turns out that people didn’t relate to seat26b.“Why?” Nazy asked. (Having read the paragraph above, she lofted a good question in my direction.)
“I’m not sure, but I saw a story on the web indicating that when it comes to airline seats, 31E is the very worst. Seat 26b doesn’t even compare.”
“So why didn’t you rename your site Seat 31E?”
“The KLM 737 that I flew to Amsterdam only had 26 rows.”
“Why didn’t you use Seat 6A. That’s ‘the best’ seat.”
“If you like to look out the window.”
I got an interesting response to last week’s letter. My sister Sandi was concerned that I had (gasp!) exaggerated in my description of Melika’s uncorrected visual acuity. I was, of course, outraged by any aspersion regarding veracity of The Weekly Letter. I explained the situation to Nazy:
“The Weekly Letter is posted to the Internet. What kind of a person would I be if I introduced a factual error onto the world wide web?”
“Dan...”
“Civilization would fall. If you can’t believe the Internet, then nothing is sacrosanct .”
“Well?”
“I have a responsibility to present objective facts in a narrative totally aligned with events as they actually happened.”
“Wouldn’t that make for boring reading, Dan?”
“Precisely! That’s why the words “responsibility” and “facts” must sometimes be creatively interpreted.”
“Sometimes?”
“The needs of narrative flow and my desire for an exceptional reader experience might override strict compliance with..”
“So! Did you exaggerate Melika’s vision problems?”
“Of course not!” I replied. “How could I exaggerate a -12.5 prescription and 20-500,000 eyesight?” I thought.
On another front, it turns out that Darius is, for the first time, teaching the mandatory economics course at AUB (the American University of Beirut). He has a class of..
“650 students, Dad. What do you do with 650 Students?”
“I never had that many when I was teaching, Dar. But, when I had a big class, I’d always made the first quiz into a moderate shaft.”
“Moderate shaft?”
“Severe shaft. I wanted people to drop the course. You want a lot of people to drop.”
A photo of Darius’ outdoor classroom can be seen at right.
“Dan!” Nazy interrupts. “Are you trifling with the facts again?”
“I am simply picture-izing the narrative.”
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