Calvada detonation falls sideways on Maui security system
Last week, Mitra and Stefan came to Santa Barbara to see - i.e. to “oh and ah” the newest of the grandestchildren. Young Azelle, determined to not disappoint, performed all baby duties flawlessly. Baby duties are ‘eating’, ‘sleeping’, ‘crying’ (quietly), ‘pooping’ and looking adorable. Azelle not only aced those, she charmed Tiger and held her head up (for a while).
We let Mitra and Stefan smooze with the grandchildren, but we didn’t forget our grand-patently prerogatives. In short, as photos in the following pages will demonstrate, we didn’t let them have all the fun.
Celebrations with babies were combined with celebrations of family accomplishment…
“Did you know, Nazy,” I exclaimed, “for the first time since 1989, we have nothing, nada, zilch, zero, in storage.”
“What?”
“When we moved to this new house, we emptied the last storage facility.”
“It’s..”
“Amazing. We’re probably responsible for a depression in the US storage industry.”
“That’s impressive, Dan.” Nazy agreed.
“Thank God we have a garage,” I thought, resolving to never enter it.
As part of moving in, Nazy arranged a meeting with a local security company. Her idea was that they’d simply activate the existing wiring.
They arrived, inspected the house, went back to their vehicle to prepare an e$timate.
“I don’t have a good feeling about this,” I thought.
, smoke detectors (that detect ‘real’ smoke), an outside siren that is louder than the Concorde (at takeoff), an improved fob, a…“I’ve seen this guy somewhere before,” I whispered to Nazy.
“Where?”
“Calvada,”I replied.
Flashback
1970’s
When I took Nazy to “see America”, we drove from Memphis to the West Coast. Las Vegas was one of our stops. On our second day there, early in the morning, Nazy and I were walking down ‘The Strip’.
“Where is everybody?” Nazy asked.
“I think that it’s too late for them to stay awake,” I replied. “Hey! Look at that.”
It was a sign promising two free tickets to the Debbie Reynolds show, a tour of Las Vegas, a gourmet lunch at an exclusive ranch outside of Vegas — all for $10/person. We jumped at the chance. The tour was a drive down The Strip..
“That’s the Landmark Hotel, owned by Howard Hughes, the Sliver Slipper, owned by Howard Hughes, the Castaways, owned by Howard Hughes, the Sands, owned by Howard Hughes..”
Within a few minutes, we were out of town. The long drive through the dessert were marked by the occasional sightseeing comment (“That’s sandstone.&rdquo. We got to
“Calvada?” Nazy asked. “Where’s that?”
“The middle of nowhere,” I replied — belatedly aware that they were going to try to sell us something.
They pointed us toward a “lunch room” and assigned an individual host: a person who wanted to sell us a two acre pile of sand.
“I don’t want the sand,” I replied for the 30th time. “I just want the sandwich,” I thought wondering when the lunch would appear.
In the end, we were the only couple that didn’t buy sand, eh, “land”. The bus back to the city was delayed for about 90 minutes while they tried heavy sales pressure. They made us sit in the back, sans sandwich, but they did, in the end, give us tickets for Debbie Reynolds.
After the show, which Nazy and I enjoyed, we were watching the late news. The US had tested a nuclear bomb in Nevada that evening. An on-screen map made it clear that the detonation was very close to Calvada.
End Flashback
“Calvada, Dan,” Nazy whisoered. “I was thinking of the time-share sales person in Maui.”
“Maui?” I thought. “Ah yes! That’s when we got the half-price bicycle tour down the Haleakala Volcano in exchange for listening to a 2.5 hour presentation on a timeshared condo.”
Somehow we managed to escape the alarm guys without financial pain. On the other hand, they blew out a circuit breaker that we didn’t discover until later.
“It probably would have been just as effective to put a bogus security sign on the lawn,” I said after they (finally) left.
This weekend, Tom and Melika went to Las Vegas to celebrate a friend’s birthday. (They missed Calvada.) Nazy and I took care of the Santa Barbara grandchildren. All three children behaved beautifully. Azelle slept and ate… in 3 hour increments. On Sunday, while she was sleeping, I volunteered to take Tiger and Arrow to the local children’s museum.
Aware of the challenge, I talked with both boys before we got out of the car. I explained that they had to stay with me, they couldn’t run and hide and they had to watch each other.
They were perfect. Tiger, who loves to dash around the museum always told me where he wanted to go and Arrow stuck to me. I was congratulating them on the drive home when Arrow began to cry.
“What’s wrong?” I shouted — asking Tiger for information.
“His Paci fell down,” Tiger responded.
“It feel down?” I replied.
“Yes, Dan. But I can reach it for him.”
“Thanks Tiger. But why did it fall down?”
“Arrow dropped it.”
“Why didn’t it fall up?”
“Dan! Gravity makes things fall down.”
“Then if it ‘falls’, Tiger, you don’t have to say down — unless it could fall sideways.”
“A tree could fall sideways, Dan.”
“Did you fall sideways when you road your bicycle into the rose bush?”
“Yes. Can we buy some M&Ms on the way home?”
I also took Tiger to his eye exam. The doctor had moved to a new location that we had visited one time. It is in a building on State Street that is in a series of identical buildings. I parked at..
“… the wrong building Tiger. We’ll have to look for the office.”
“We have to look for a door that has a ‘C’ on it, Dan.”
“A ‘C’?”
“There was a ‘C’ last time. Remember?”
“Of course, Tiger. Thanks.” I replied. “A ‘C’?” I thought. “I’d completely forgotten.”
And, finally, a simple observation:
“Donald Trump says that he is more truthful than Bob Woodward,” Nazy noted, giggling.
“Donald Trump engaging Bob Woodward in a battle based on who is more believable is like the Costa Rican Army deciding to engage the 101st Airborne Division.” I replied.
“Costa Rica doesn’t have an Army, Dan.”
“Precisely!”
For last week's letter, please click here
Sunset from the new house