Totally eclipsed desitin tricks overnight baby
12-10-14 14:03 Family Humor
I hope that you’ve had a wonderful week. Here in Santa Barbara, Nazy and I focused on astronomical events.
“It will be a total eclipse..” I began to explain.
“When?” Nazy asked.
“3:35 AM from Santa Barbara.”
“I thought that a total eclipse happened during daytime.”
“Eh..”
“There is no point in turning things ‘dark as night’ if it’s already dark.”
“This is an eclipse of the moon. A total lunar eclipse.”
“English is a stupid language. In Farsi, there are different words for lunar and solar eclipse.”
“Let me try again: the moon will turn red at 3:35AM. Do we want to see it?”
“It would be more impressive if it was a blue moon.”
“Those are rare, Nazy.”
Preparing normally, we went to bed late so that we’d have minimal sleep before the eclipse. Upon awakening, Nazy confirmed a cloudless sky and a great view from the kitchen window.
“And,” she said, “make sure to take a photograph.”
We scrambled downstairs and immediately agreed that it was not possible to take a picture through the kitchen window. I stepped onto the porch outside. I pointed my camera at the moon and discovered that the vibrant, huge and almost eclipsed moon filled a single pixel on my digital display. (You might be able to see it in the photo at right.)
“This won’t do,” I thought. “Luckily, however, I have a zoom capability.”
I engaged the 12x zoom: the moon began to enlarge. But, at the same time, it began to shake and wobble in the screen. It was impossible to hold the camera steady. Cleverly, I decided to lean against the house to stabilize myself. But, the kitchen window was open and the screen was flexible. Unfortunately, Nazy’s ceramic rooster, which was leaning against the other side of the screen was not flexible. A crash ensued. Nazy was understanding.
“You are a clumsy oaf, Dan! That was my favorite rooster.”
“Yeah, but I got a great shot of the moon,” I replied. “However, I think we’d get an even better picture from the balcony of the guest bedroom.”
“That will also be safer,” Nazy replied. Inaccurately.
We went back upstairs. To avoid losing our night vision, we didn’t turn on the lights. We also overlooked a recent change in the functionality of the ‘guest bedroom’. It was now the guest baby room. Nazy led the way to the balcony. A loud, reverberating SQUISH broke the eerie quiet.
“What was that?” I whispered.
“I stepped on the Desitin™”, Nazy replied. “It squirted all over the carpet.”
“That was my favorite carpet!” I replied. “You are a clumsy oaf, Nazy,” I (prudently) thought - hoping that I wasn’t the one who left the Desitin on the carpet.
“I meant to pick that up.” Nazy mumbled.
“Whew!” I thought. “These things happen, my dear” I replied. “Don’t worry.”
“This will never come off.” Nazy continued.
“Sure it will,” I replied. “Not a chance, it’s Zinc Oxide.” I thought.
“Who’s idea was this?”
“We got a great photo, Nazy.”
“Of the moon or the carpet?”
“Both.”
Last week Melika and Tom embarked on a solo overnight trip. The solo part meant that Nazy and I were entrusted with baby Jamshid.
“Overnight?” I asked.
“Right.”
“So how do we feed him?”
“Melika has pumped milk. We’ve got some in the refrigerator and some in the freezer. Melika says he goes right back to sleep after his mid-sleep feeding.”
“Yes, but when he wakes in the middle of the night, Melika doesn’t have to go to the freezer and warm a bottle. She can just..”
“I know what she can do, Dan. We will adapt.”
“While we are warming a bottle, he will wake up. He will completely wake up.”
“Don’t be pessimistic, Dan.”
“Of course not.” I replied. “But I am right.” I thought. Accurately.
Nazy and I were nvited to a dinner party the same evening that we had young Jamshid. This situation resulted in a nostalgic trip down memory lane.
“We don’t have a baby sitter.” Nazy explained. “I’ll ask Doug and Leigh if we can bring him.”
“We are the baby sitter,” I replied. “This hasn’t happened in the last 30 or 40 years,” I thought.
Luckily (and as expected) the grand(est)son was a hit at the party. Back at home, we realized that we had also agreed to take care of Monster (the cat) as well as Jamshid (the baby). I was prepared with my laser pointer - the one Darius bought in China.
“That’s not legal here.” Nazy claimed.
“That’s why I’m using it indoors,” I replied as I incinerated a fly from 30 feet, “It will also keep the cat enthralled.”
In fact, the cat, immediately concluding that I was controlling the device, ignored it. The baby, on the other hand, enjoyed watching the dot on the ceiling.
“It will be a total eclipse..” I began to explain.
“When?” Nazy asked.
“3:35 AM from Santa Barbara.”
“I thought that a total eclipse happened during daytime.”
“Eh..”
“There is no point in turning things ‘dark as night’ if it’s already dark.”
“This is an eclipse of the moon. A total lunar eclipse.”
“English is a stupid language. In Farsi, there are different words for lunar and solar eclipse.”
“Let me try again: the moon will turn red at 3:35AM. Do we want to see it?”
“It would be more impressive if it was a blue moon.”
“Those are rare, Nazy.”
Preparing normally, we went to bed late so that we’d have minimal sleep before the eclipse. Upon awakening, Nazy confirmed a cloudless sky and a great view from the kitchen window.
“And,” she said, “make sure to take a photograph.”
We scrambled downstairs and immediately agreed that it was not possible to take a picture through the kitchen window. I stepped onto the porch outside. I pointed my camera at the moon and discovered that the vibrant, huge and almost eclipsed moon filled a single pixel on my digital display. (You might be able to see it in the photo at right.)
“This won’t do,” I thought. “Luckily, however, I have a zoom capability.”
I engaged the 12x zoom: the moon began to enlarge. But, at the same time, it began to shake and wobble in the screen. It was impossible to hold the camera steady. Cleverly, I decided to lean against the house to stabilize myself. But, the kitchen window was open and the screen was flexible. Unfortunately, Nazy’s ceramic rooster, which was leaning against the other side of the screen was not flexible. A crash ensued. Nazy was understanding.
“You are a clumsy oaf, Dan! That was my favorite rooster.”
“Yeah, but I got a great shot of the moon,” I replied. “However, I think we’d get an even better picture from the balcony of the guest bedroom.”
“That will also be safer,” Nazy replied. Inaccurately.
We went back upstairs. To avoid losing our night vision, we didn’t turn on the lights. We also overlooked a recent change in the functionality of the ‘guest bedroom’. It was now the guest baby room. Nazy led the way to the balcony. A loud, reverberating SQUISH broke the eerie quiet.
“What was that?” I whispered.
“I stepped on the Desitin™”, Nazy replied. “It squirted all over the carpet.”
“That was my favorite carpet!” I replied. “You are a clumsy oaf, Nazy,” I (prudently) thought - hoping that I wasn’t the one who left the Desitin on the carpet.
“I meant to pick that up.” Nazy mumbled.
“Whew!” I thought. “These things happen, my dear” I replied. “Don’t worry.”
“This will never come off.” Nazy continued.
“Sure it will,” I replied. “Not a chance, it’s Zinc Oxide.” I thought.
“Who’s idea was this?”
“We got a great photo, Nazy.”
“Of the moon or the carpet?”
“Both.”
Last week Melika and Tom embarked on a solo overnight trip. The solo part meant that Nazy and I were entrusted with baby Jamshid.
“Overnight?” I asked.
“Right.”
“So how do we feed him?”
“Melika has pumped milk. We’ve got some in the refrigerator and some in the freezer. Melika says he goes right back to sleep after his mid-sleep feeding.”
“Yes, but when he wakes in the middle of the night, Melika doesn’t have to go to the freezer and warm a bottle. She can just..”
“I know what she can do, Dan. We will adapt.”
“While we are warming a bottle, he will wake up. He will completely wake up.”
“Don’t be pessimistic, Dan.”
“Of course not.” I replied. “But I am right.” I thought. Accurately.
Nazy and I were nvited to a dinner party the same evening that we had young Jamshid. This situation resulted in a nostalgic trip down memory lane.
“We don’t have a baby sitter.” Nazy explained. “I’ll ask Doug and Leigh if we can bring him.”
“We are the baby sitter,” I replied. “This hasn’t happened in the last 30 or 40 years,” I thought.
Luckily (and as expected) the grand(est)son was a hit at the party. Back at home, we realized that we had also agreed to take care of Monster (the cat) as well as Jamshid (the baby). I was prepared with my laser pointer - the one Darius bought in China.
“That’s not legal here.” Nazy claimed.
“That’s why I’m using it indoors,” I replied as I incinerated a fly from 30 feet, “It will also keep the cat enthralled.”
In fact, the cat, immediately concluding that I was controlling the device, ignored it. The baby, on the other hand, enjoyed watching the dot on the ceiling.
Finally, I have acquired a new computer - another MacBook Pro. It is super fast and very reliable. My old machine suffered from one too many coke zero miscues. It has been a major challenge to migrate all the software to the new computer. In fact, I’m still not done on that score. But, I am very happy with the new machine.
Last week’s letter click here
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