Beer Pong Baby Shower and birthing video cancelled By United
April is such an exciting time of year - Nazy’s birthday at the beginning of the month and Federal Income Tax Day in the middle. Last week’s edition of The Weekly Letter described Nazy’s birthday celebration in Las Vegas. Aware of my aversion to taxes, Melika’s friends arranged an early April distraction: a Baby Shower for Mel.
“It’s a small, intimate gathering,” I explained to Nazy. “Just friends and family.”
“Melika said 150 people were coming.”
“Like I said, just friends and family.”
“Tom and Ali will referee the Beer Pong tournament.”
“Quiet and cozy.”
“They’ll have a band. And a Mexican Taco preparation station. And a dwarf.”
“A dwarf?”
“By tradition he shows up at all their parties.”
“I’m fixing a cheese platter and a fruit platter.” Nazy continued.
“For 150 people?”
“They’re decorating with yellow, white and green balloons .They want the sex of the baby to be a surprise. It’s your job to take care of the cat.”
“I’ll do that by bringing him to our house. The party sounds too intense for him.”
“And bring the New Year’s goldfish with you.”
“The goldfish?”
“I want to put it into Melika and Tom’s koi pond.”
“I wonder whether Nazy knows that koi are omnivores,” I thought.
The weather cooperated. (Of course, the weather always cooperates in Santa Barbara.) The party was well-attended and lots of fun. (Nazy and I dodged the Beer Pong contest.) Interestingly there were 12 pregnant women at the party and an even larger number of children. Melika and Tom’s friends are all simultaneously making a transition to parenthood.
Several people have asked whether Melika is adequately prepared for childbirth. Although I’ve never given birth myself, I can say that Melika is healthy, happy and knowledgeable. And prepared:
A few years ago, one of Melika’s friends was ready to have a baby, but her marriage had dissolved. She was going to be in the delivery room alone. (Except for the doctors, nurses, interns, accountants, tourists, bystanders...) Melika assured her friend that she, Melika, would also be present to provide moral support. When the time came, as these things do, Melika dropped everything and dashed to the hospital.
Her friend was already in the delivery room - doing her make-up. She handed a smart phone to Melika and told her to take a video of the birth.
“No videos!” The attending physician shouted. Melika friend said “Of course not”, but motioned for Melika, well positioned to see the birth, to continue with the HD video capture. Melika complied. It was a noisy and biologically interesting video. In fact, a few weeks later, Melika’s friend sent a copy of the video. It was..
“.... a mistake, Dad.” Melika said. “It wasn’t my phone; it was backwards.”
“So..”
“So the only thing on the video is me. A series of close-ups of my face with background birthing sounds.”
![photo[2]](photo005b2005d.jpg)
“That must be interesting.”
“I think I’m prepared to have my own baby.”
(A selection of screen shots from the video accompanies this letter.)
This week we are also flying to Jacksonville for the wedding of Nazy’s sister’s son Alan. In preparation, I booked a..
“... stupid flight!” Nazy exclaimed when she realized that it involved a 5:40AM departure.
“There was no choice, my dear,” I explained. “But, because we’re leaving from Santa Barbara, we don’t have to get there early. And, I think our TSA pre-check documents will arrive in time. We’ll be able to make a very quick trip through security.”
![photo[1]](photo005b1005d.jpg)
There were a few flaws in the otherwise unsullied ointment. My TSA clearance arrived in plenty of time, Nazy’s clearance, however, is still ‘under review’. (When you apply for TSA pre-check clearance, it is best if you weren’t born in Iran.) Unfortunately, I ignored my history with United flights through Denver. The Santa Barbara flight left Santa Barbara without us. Nazy managed to get United to book us via Los Angeles...
“But we’re in Santa Barbara!” I exclaimed.
“...we have to drive to LA and we have to hurry! We’ve been de-rooted.”
“Re-routed.” I corrected. I was zooming down The 101 when I realized that we didn’t have any gas. I made a refuel stop realized..
“The car will be in LA, N
azy, but we’re flying back to Santa Barbara.”
Nazy quickly booked tickets on the airbus which was scheduled to arrive just in time. We were boarding the airbus when I realized that we couldn’t leave the car parked on the street for the next five days. Nazy arranged to have the bus driver return the keys to Melika. (And Melika graciously agreed to return the car to our house.) The bus was caught in the normal traffic, but it arrived just in time. Our exit was somewhat traumatic: the LAX United terminal is the last stop, a mother and daughter on the bus couldn’t figure out what airline they were using and caused stops at several unnecessary terminals, an old lady grabbed someone’s black rolling suitcase instead of her gray carrying suitcase and had to be chased into the terminal TSA , in an amazing show of compassion granted Nazy Pre-check status - no removing computers, coats are shoes. It would have been perfect if Nazy hadn’t brought her Swiss Army knife in the checked baggage. But - we made it! Now we’re in Houston in the midst of a 5 hour layover.
Finally:
I receive a huge amount of paper mail about various medical insurance items. I particularly like the one I received from the prescription medication coverage:
“It’s a small, intimate gathering,” I explained to Nazy. “Just friends and family.”
“Melika said 150 people were coming.”
“Like I said, just friends and family.”
“Tom and Ali will referee the Beer Pong tournament.”
“Quiet and cozy.”
“They’ll have a band. And a Mexican Taco preparation station. And a dwarf.”
“A dwarf?”
“By tradition he shows up at all their parties.”
“I’m fixing a cheese platter and a fruit platter.” Nazy continued.
“For 150 people?”
“They’re decorating with yellow, white and green balloons .They want the sex of the baby to be a surprise. It’s your job to take care of the cat.”
“I’ll do that by bringing him to our house. The party sounds too intense for him.”
“And bring the New Year’s goldfish with you.”
“The goldfish?”
“I want to put it into Melika and Tom’s koi pond.”
“I wonder whether Nazy knows that koi are omnivores,” I thought.
The weather cooperated. (Of course, the weather always cooperates in Santa Barbara.) The party was well-attended and lots of fun. (Nazy and I dodged the Beer Pong contest.) Interestingly there were 12 pregnant women at the party and an even larger number of children. Melika and Tom’s friends are all simultaneously making a transition to parenthood.
Several people have asked whether Melika is adequately prepared for childbirth. Although I’ve never given birth myself, I can say that Melika is healthy, happy and knowledgeable. And prepared:
A few years ago, one of Melika’s friends was ready to have a baby, but her marriage had dissolved. She was going to be in the delivery room alone. (Except for the doctors, nurses, interns, accountants, tourists, bystanders...) Melika assured her friend that she, Melika, would also be present to provide moral support. When the time came, as these things do, Melika dropped everything and dashed to the hospital.
Her friend was already in the delivery room - doing her make-up. She handed a smart phone to Melika and told her to take a video of the birth.
“No videos!” The attending physician shouted. Melika friend said “Of course not”, but motioned for Melika, well positioned to see the birth, to continue with the HD video capture. Melika complied. It was a noisy and biologically interesting video. In fact, a few weeks later, Melika’s friend sent a copy of the video. It was..
“.... a mistake, Dad.” Melika said. “It wasn’t my phone; it was backwards.”
“So..”
“So the only thing on the video is me. A series of close-ups of my face with background birthing sounds.”
“That must be interesting.”
“I think I’m prepared to have my own baby.”
(A selection of screen shots from the video accompanies this letter.)
This week we are also flying to Jacksonville for the wedding of Nazy’s sister’s son Alan. In preparation, I booked a..
“... stupid flight!” Nazy exclaimed when she realized that it involved a 5:40AM departure.
“There was no choice, my dear,” I explained. “But, because we’re leaving from Santa Barbara, we don’t have to get there early. And, I think our TSA pre-check documents will arrive in time. We’ll be able to make a very quick trip through security.”
There were a few flaws in the otherwise unsullied ointment. My TSA clearance arrived in plenty of time, Nazy’s clearance, however, is still ‘under review’. (When you apply for TSA pre-check clearance, it is best if you weren’t born in Iran.) Unfortunately, I ignored my history with United flights through Denver. The Santa Barbara flight left Santa Barbara without us. Nazy managed to get United to book us via Los Angeles...
“But we’re in Santa Barbara!” I exclaimed.
“...we have to drive to LA and we have to hurry! We’ve been de-rooted.”
“Re-routed.” I corrected. I was zooming down The 101 when I realized that we didn’t have any gas. I made a refuel stop realized..
“The car will be in LA, N
azy, but we’re flying back to Santa Barbara.”Nazy quickly booked tickets on the airbus which was scheduled to arrive just in time. We were boarding the airbus when I realized that we couldn’t leave the car parked on the street for the next five days. Nazy arranged to have the bus driver return the keys to Melika. (And Melika graciously agreed to return the car to our house.) The bus was caught in the normal traffic, but it arrived just in time. Our exit was somewhat traumatic: the LAX United terminal is the last stop, a mother and daughter on the bus couldn’t figure out what airline they were using and caused stops at several unnecessary terminals, an old lady grabbed someone’s black rolling suitcase instead of her gray carrying suitcase and had to be chased into the terminal TSA , in an amazing show of compassion granted Nazy Pre-check status - no removing computers, coats are shoes. It would have been perfect if Nazy hadn’t brought her Swiss Army knife in the checked baggage. But - we made it! Now we’re in Houston in the midst of a 5 hour layover.
Finally:
I receive a huge amount of paper mail about various medical insurance items. I particularly like the one I received from the prescription medication coverage:
Other parts of the document indicate that the coverage will enter a gap (the insurance will pay nothing) when I’ve spent roughly $2500 during the year. Then I will have no coverage until I’ve spent $5000 - at which point I will get catastrophic coverage roughly equal to the normal coverage. In short, the coverage I have now pays 1.21%. (I think that they actually pay more, but it’s not clear at all.) I just love the American medical care system.
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