Last week I regaled readers with comments about Nazy’s forthcoming birthday gift - a colonoscopy. There is an update..

“… unfortunately, Dan,” Nazy apologized, “they couldn’t schedule the visit on your birthday. It will be a couple of weeks later.”

“How sad.”

“So I tried to move your dental appointment…”

“Dental Appointment? The one with Dr. Vladimir Throb? Vlad wants to remove a wisdom tooth” I replied. “Vlad the Impaler,” I thought.

“To find wisdom, he’ll have to dig deep Dan. But he can’t do it on your birthday.”

“Why don’t we do both procedures at the same time? The dentist and the proctologist can meet in the middle.”

“No Dan. I’ve decided to bake a cake.”

“A cake? A real cake?” I asked. “You’re not using broccoli and cauliflower flour?”

“A real cake, Dan. For a real birthday.”

In addition to the airtime about painful birthday presents, Nazy and I visited ATT to discuss The Martin Family iPhone situation.

Recap: Paradoxically, Nazy’s iPhone was ‘smoked’ when she inadvertently dropped it into a pool of water. Then Apple formally declared my iPhone ‘toast’ because (and I am not making this up) “pocket lint accumulated in the charging receptacle.” A clever craftsman at a local kiosk replaced my lint-encrusted receptacle as well as Nazy’s battery and screen. My phone worked; Nazy’s phone worked … sometimes. I gave Nazy my phone and pulled an old Nokia from the family basement. But: Apple’s iTunes would not load my music and Apple’s iMessage delivered text messages to my computer not my phone. We went to ATT to complain.

Astonishingly, a technician was immediately available to help. His name …

“Godsent? That’s a very unique name.” Nazy noted. “Do you have brothers and sisters?”

“Yes,” Godsend replied, “But they all have normal names like Theodore, Steven and Michael.”

Godsent discovered a loophole in ATT’s latest deal: both phones could be replaced with new iPhone 7’s. For Free! If we trade in the old iPhone 6 models.
“For Free?” I replied incredulously.

“You’re Godsent” Nazy replied.

Unfortunately, they did not have the desired iPhone7’s in stock. I want the black one, Nazy wants the rose gold. They say they’ll mail them to us.

“Mail? Soon?” I asked. “I hope Nazy’s phone doesn’t completely die before she gets the new one,” I thought.

“Just bring your old one when the iPhone 7 arrives.” Godsend replied.

Note: I’m painfully aware that every time I show up at a telecom provider store, I hear about some ‘deal’. A new program with unlimited gigabytes (and fees) is touted, a bundle that includes video and a land-line phone will be available for a spectacular introductory price that, according to the fine print: escalates exponentially over the life of the contract while including a monumental withdrawal fee. So, if you know the hidden ‘catch’ in this offer, please do not tell me; I want to cling to the idea that we got a good deal.

And, on the subject of telephones: We got a call from Darius who, back in Lebanon. After we talked briefly about his research paper, Darius asked for some help.

“I’ve got a problem with a citation,” Darius explained. “Can you help?”

“Of course,” I replied. “Citation?” I thought. “Does he mean something like: “Lundman, Susan. "How to Make Vegetarian Chili." eHow, www.ehow.com/how_10727_make-vegetarian-chili.html.”

“UCSB says it’s not in their database, Dad,” Darius replied, thinking somewhat differently.

“Not in the database?” I replied. “It must be a really obscure paper,” I thought.

“When I telephoned UCSB, they told me to leave a call back number. But I know they won’t call me in Lebanon.”

“Right,” I replied. “Why do you insist on referencing this invisible source?” I thought.

“So I’ll just send you the details. Okay?”

“Perfect.” I replied. “????” I thought — not realizing until later that I had been asked about helping adjust a campus parking ticket.

While I was dealing with the UCSB campus police, Nazy was calling Maui Jim, purveyor of excellent sunglasses. It turned out that my prized double polarized, bronze, Lanai 306-02 sunglasses were beyond local repair. I’ve prized and protected those glasses for years. (Veracity note: It is true that I almost lost them in Turin, Italy.) Recently, however, the sunglass frames were damaged and…

“… these glasses don’t look good on someone, like me, who’s eyes are both at the same distance from the ground.” I had whined after seeing a photo of me with Tiger.

Dan and Tiger
(Forgive the repeat photo)

Nazy began to rectify the problem, but local craftsman were unwilling (‘it might break&rsquo or unable (‘the warranty will be voided&rsquo to fix the glasses. Creative and unwilling to give up, Nazy called Maui Jim and got a repair authorization. My sunglasses are currently winging their way to..

“Peoria, Illinois?” I asked. “I was thinking Maui, Hawaii.”

We’re waiting for the repair (likely a replacement frame) to be completed.

This week, I took Tiger to the Zoo. He liked the penguins, the black swans, the gorilla, and the elephants. He fed the giraffe. He really dropped pennies into a giant funnel where they zoom faster and faster before falling through the bottom. He collected a pink flamingo feather that..

“… is gray!” Nazy informed me. “It’s probably from a pigeon instead of a flamingo.”

“He found it right next to the flamingos.” I replied accurately. (And pointlessly.)

Tiger had the most fun pushing his own ‘car stroller’: