Hotel loses a pink elephant,10,000 pennies and a Wocket in my Pocket
“These are the ones we left in Melika’s garage, Dan. She wants to put her car in the garage, so we need to..”
“She wants to put her car in the garage? That’s positively unAmerican, Nazy. Real Americans use a garage for storage. We’re just helping her out.”
“Dan..”
“Besides, most of the stuff there is Darius’ junk. When we emptied the storage, he took all of his stuff out of the boxes, looked at it and then left it scattered on the floor of the garage.”
“Now we’re going to put it back in boxes. I’ve found some of our silver..”
“.. which is black now…”
“ … and about 50 pounds of pennies.”
While Nazy sorted and packed, Tiger played with his trains.
Note: Over the last few months, Nazy has emptied several jars and cans full of coins. She sorted and wrapped more than $300 in quarters and dimes. She exchanged more than 10,000 pennies for ‘real’ money. We still have about 20 pounds of foreign coins as well as Darius’ collection of several million Iraqi dinar — which is now worth about 12 US cents.
We also found a lot of old ‘art work’. (Note to self: something that was ‘cool’ when you were in college may not fit into your post-retirement decor.)
Utilizing an inter-dimensional quantum packing device, Nazy somehow crammed several metric meters of ‘stuff’ into a few micrometers of ‘space’. Suitably impressed, I commented on this feat:
“I’m afraid to touch anything you’ve, eh,..”
“ … put away, Dan?”
“Right! I’m afraid that a misplaced jostle could warp the space-time continuum and precipitate collapse of the universe as we know it.”
“Dan, you are…”
“No, Nazy, my dear, you are..”
“I am what?” Nazy asked ominously.
“Anti-Christmas. With all this new stuff in the house, there is no place for Christmas Tree.”
In truth, I confess, there is a place for the Christmas Tree. It’s not a big enough place, but it is a place. In preparation, Nazy asked..
“ … for a little help with errands, Dan. I need your strong …”
“ … willpower?” I interrupted.
“ … back. I have a few stops.”
“A few?”
“Yes. We need to go to the post office, the book store, the thrift shop, Staples, Goodwill, the gas station, the cobbler, the bank and the rug store.”
“That’s a few?”
“And we have to pick up Tiger from school and stop by the pharmacy for my prescription. We need to get some napkins at the grocery store and I want to check out the holiday wreaths at the …”
Nazy was still going strong when we were half way through the initially defined ‘few stops’.
Aside: We deposited excess books at the book store, excess art work at the thrift shop, excess clothing at Goodwill and excess pennies at the bank.
When we stopped to pick up Tiger, I recalled that he was in rhyming mode (his favorite book is “There’s a Wocket in my Pocket&rdquo
. I was holding his hand as we walked out.
“What should we do?” I asked.
“I don’t have a clue.” Tiger replied.
“We’ve got to go — like slow Joe Crow.”
“See you soon, you big baboon,” Tiger continued.
I tried to come up with a clever riposte but unfortunately fixated on something that rhymed with duck.
Tiger is considerably more excited than Arrow about Christmas, but he’s not as excited as Nazy. She bought a world-class advent calendar that is made of wood and hand-painted.
In keeping with the holiday theme, Nazy and I bought some lasers to decorate the house. And, in between all of this, I found time to visit the dentist.
“Did it hurt?” Nazy asked solicitously when I crawled back into the house.
“Not the way you think,” I replied. “My teeth feel fine. He just looked. And talked. And estimated.”
“So?”
“After he’s done, my teeth will be ‘good’ for 75 more years.”
“75? Will you be good for 75 more years?”
“He said medical science would deliver an increased life-span — thus warranting the project. He said the last time human beings tried something this complex, the overseer was Pharaoh Ramses.”
“And how much is this going to cost?”
“Remember the money we put aside for the private jet?”
“Yes.”
“Not enough.”
In going through other recovered items from Melika’s garage, we found a later to Mitra from La Grande Hotel Intercontinental, Paris.
_____________________________________________________________________________
Le Directeur Général
Office of the General Manager
Dear Ms. Martin:
I write to inform you, regretfully, that although we have made a thorough search for your lost pink stuffed elephant, we have unfortunately been unable to locate it. I am sorry to give you such disappointing news.
I hope that apart from this unfortunate loss, you enjoyed your stay with us.
Yours Sincerely,
______________________________________________________________________________
And, finally, it’s the holiday season. Nazy and I are enjoying parties while looking forward to having our own (full) family together for the holidays. In the interim, we've enjoyed a really nice Christmas party with friends.. a great occasion, perhaps the only occasion, to wear my red sports coat.
For last week's letter click here
