Grandchildren
surprise smokey sunset lights autumn birthday festivities
07-10-21 18:59
Does Dan always celebrate his September birthday in autumn? Will the grandchildren agree to let Dan have the biggest piece of birthday cake? (On Dan’s birthday.) Was the sky really filled with cantaloupes? Why was it necessary to ‘make sure that Arrow’s cough’ was not worrisome? Who reads in the dark? (And Why?) How do 2021 car seats compare to 1960 car seats? We all know that grassy knolls are found in Dallas — but what about rocky knolls? Where was the Lucky birthday dinner/? Read More...
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clowns surf in failing fountains with bees doing pilates
03-09-21 15:33
Why can’t Dan get a simple fountain to, eh, flow? Why didn’t the water fall straight down? Was the pump too weak? Too strong? Not level? What can be done? Hint: perhaps a better, eh, different mind would be a good bet. Why do some people clog the checkout line with spurious problems? (And why does it always happen in front of me?) What’s cooler: Dan and Nazy at pilates or Tiger and Arrow at surf school? Read More...
Orca and Ostrich surf boiling Mount Baker
25-07-21 19:14
Can an Ostrich surf? Can an Orca climb a mountain? Can grandchildren ‘Whack a Mole’ even after Chuck E. Cheese went bankrupt? Will climate change boil the snow off of Mount Baker? (Or will volcanic dormancy end and do the job from the bottom up?) How can it be 100 degrees in Northwest Washington State? Who’s the angel in Solvang? Read More...
May Gray advertises bonkers zip-line bunkers
17-05-21 18:15
What is the Santa Barbara ‘F-Word’? How did fog trick Dan into a family faux pas when they lived in Holland? What season comes after May Gray? (Is it worse than Mud Season?) Who has new glasses? Who wears their glasses while they are sleeping? (And why?) Having vanquished Dan in the cyberwars, will Tiger be able to beat the App Developers? What does he think about App Adware? Read More...
Dry rains swing with gorgeous monkey in Asia stroller
02-05-21 17:17
How will a two year old react to glasses? (How can you tell that a two year old may need glasses?) Now that First Grade has resumed in-person teaching, can University resumption be far behind? What does Tiger think about the new school rules? Why are caterpillars the most exciting thing happening at school? Should I tell him about the cicadas? Where did Azelle see ‘gorgeous monkeys’? (From a stroller?) Has Arrow been to Africa? Read More...
vaccine sirens and lights culminate in outdoor pizza rainbow
31-01-21 18:31
Can Dan explain how vaccines work to young children? Was it a good idea to include disguise, police cars, blue lights and yellow goo in the explanation? How did Pfizer increase it’’s vaccine delivery by 20% without increasing manufacturing? Does the shape of sand grains have and impact on adobe pizza oven domes? Hint: Don’t try this at home with spherical sand grains? Will the AdobeOven 2.0 work better than the Alpha version. Will the rain spoil the party? Will the rainbow mark celebration or it mock effort? Read More...
Sunset as spherical sand grains fail both pizzas and cliffs
24-01-21 17:00
Would you use sand with spherical grains to build your adobe pizza oven? Did you know that you can buy spherically grained sand? Would you use these materials to construct cliffs overlooking a restless ocean? Remember when phones were attached to the wall — and didn’t have cameras or games? Who would want to live then? Where can you see a giant white turkey? What can you see from the local mountain tops?
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sun-bow over homemade pizza oven highlights the week
17-01-21 17:11
What is a sun bow? Where can you see one? What is smirch? Where can you find it? Is it easy to design and built an adobe house? Should you practice with something simpler like an adobe pizza oven? Does anyone know how to build such an oven? What situation made it reasonable for Stefan to burn unused, pristine toilet paper in the middle of a pandemic-induced shortage? How do you ‘fire’ a pizza oven? Hint: You don’t just give it a pink slip. Read More...
grand holiday conjunction with trains, angels and cookies
20-12-20 15:52
Where is the grand conjunction of 2020? When will it happen? What is the summer solstice in Australia? Is a Georgia Tech graduate able to fix a defective, non-lighting, Angel Christmas Tree topper? Hint: He did shout at it. What kind of a tree topper needs an instruction manual? Is it rude to shine a red light under the gown of an Angel? Is anyone able to get a flimsy HO gauge train … with many cars … to stay on an HO gauge track? (Will yelling at them work?) How does one prepare for Christmas Cookie baking?
2020 ➡︎ 2021
Read More...Christmas sculpture (needles and sand) 2020 (mercifully) closes
13-12-20 17:16
When did a sandy dolphin become a Christmas tradition? Would you willingly undergo brain surgery from a doctor who completed his medical school lab work via Zoom? How about if his Zoom connection relied on a problematic WiFi and Internet Service Provider? What the the longest standing Martin Family Christmas (Tree) tradition? And, who is making sure that it continues?) Who used the (new) car in an attempt to widen the driveway? When did we get our largest Christmas Tree?
2020 ➡︎ 2021
Read More...Reading Thankful Stockings While Walking an Octopus
29-11-20 11:49
Why wasn’t it hard to find things to be thankfully about? (Other than the thought that it won’t be long before 2020 has moved into the rear-view mirror — with all the other losers?) How does it feel to be able to do ‘anything’? Hint: “You are a grown-up, Dan. So you can do it.&rdquo
Who spotted the accelerating covid case leading indicator? Hint: it happened the the paper products aisle. Why would anyone build a sand castle when a sand octopus was a possibility? Will this be the year that Nazy finishes another needlepoint Christmas stocking? Hint: It’s 2020 and she had a lot of time. Read More...cameras, rockets and honey battle gravity, chemistry and tradition
04-10-20 13:59
Who didn’t want to take any more pictures? And, if you don’t want to take pictures, is a wedding the best place to be? Who is able to thrill three children by spotting a snail — and a column of migrating ants? How long does it take for a centrifuge to spin a couple of frames of beehive sufficiently? Why was the model rocket named “Vlad”? In what ways is a vinegar and baking soda powered volcano superior to a vinegar and baking soda powered rocket? How many ways can a model rocket parachute fail to deploy? Read More...
your call to remote ipadded schools is important — current wait time…
22-09-20 12:18
First Grade — delivered on an iPad? And when did SeeSaw become ‘an app’? Where is it “sooo much fun” for Azelle? If ‘my call is important’, then why is the ‘current wait time’ measured in fortnights? And why did the Division of Motor Vehicles, the local clinic and Alaska Airlines all hire the same person to tell me how important I am to them? Would you walk under the path of a flying seagull? Hint: it is 2020. Will we find a way to transfer our personalized California license plate (NAZ DAN) to our new car? Read More...
cavity free normality cheers as lakers picture drawing wins
13-09-20 18:58
Who has most artistic talent in the family? Hint: the easier question would be: Who has the least artistic talent? As a hint, a three year old’s rendition of a cat was more recognizable than Dan’s effort? How was Dan able to avoid having any more cavities? Why did the household run short of antacid tablets and air sickness bags? Who turned on the alternate reality generator? And — are the Lakers back to respectability and, perhaps, even dominance? Read More...
Travel Perimeter impacts birthday, jury duty and slide rule
30-08-20 17:34
How do they choose prospective jurors? Does geography have anything to do with it? What constitutes proof of non-residency? Should Dan have simply tossed out the summons? Why was it necessary to consult a superior Superior Court Judge? What’s the farthest Dan and Nasty have traveled in the last half year? Who had a birthday? And who helped blow out the candles? What is a slide rule and does it ‘work’ if it only slides one way?
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Silent Response to virtual schooling with remote-less honeybee
23-08-20 11:49
Can Tiger explain what it means when ‘kids don’t answer your question”? What is za’atar and how was Nazy able to help solve a family shortage? Where did Darius find high quality honey at a very attractive price? Why did the Santa Barbara Utility Board send — several times — a bill for $0.05 to Dan? Did the Compaq Pension plan really send Dan a unexpected six figure check? (Do you normally count the figures to the right of the decimal point?) What two cities are in the same time zone even though they are 11,000 kilometers apart? Read More...
Happy Meal (Compaq-ed) Pension helps write the ending
16-08-20 11:31
Why did Fidelity send a letter that said: “We don’t know your address” to Dan’s correct address? Did Dan actually have a forgotten pension that had not been Compaq-tified? Would he remember the secret handshake and the name of his hiring manager? Would the ‘to be mailed’ check fund a yacht? (Or a Big Mac?) Will Tiger appreciate Dan’s suggested ending to the book entitled: “Ralph and the Motorcycle?” (Hint: Ralph is a mouse.) Whose artistic talents does young Leandra appreciate more — Dan’s or Nazy’s? Hint: It’s possible for people to look at any of Nazy’s drawing and actually tell what it depicts. Can Nazy find enough centrifuges to process the honey from Melika and Tom’s hives? Read More...
101 Macbook Dalmatians vie for USB ports in viral storm
09-08-20 13:40
Could you find a kayak in an emergency? (Did you know the Native American name for Baker Lake in Washington State was ‘Emergency’? Why is this an ideal time of year for a blueberry loving 1 year old that lives in the state of Washington? Is there a wet suit that is not difficult to wear? In this case, ‘not difficult’ means you can get it onto a two year old without bodily injury. Did Tiger really try to teach Dan how to make S’mores? Will Dan’s quest to optimize his existing, but malfunctioning, laptop bear fruit? And, will that fruit cost less than a new computer? How much of that fruit is USB-capable? Finally: how many Dalmatians will it take before Arrow and Tiger fall asleep?
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marines layer fog on new walker near hand-holding diapers
23-07-20 22:02
gurgling fountains dither with independence day inoculation
12-07-20 18:13
Can anything generate more challenges than the simple task of setting up an outdoor fountain? Is there a gravitational anomaly near The Martin Family household? (And to the side of the fountain?) What kind of neighbor would plant trees with dissolving leaves and acid, inedible floating fruit? Did you know about taking the wind into account when making such an installation? Why did we celebrate Independence Day in March? Who likes hats at least a much as Nazy? Hint: It’s a crowded field. Read More...
kernel pops corn in nosey Zoom Father’s Day
05-07-20 17:24
How did the family cope with a medical emergency? Late on a Sunday night? How can a single popcorn kernel precipitate an emergency? If you’re one year old and want to hide a popcorn kernel, eh, would you consider the ramifications associated with the chosen hiding place? Why is Tiger head over heels with excitement — on a Zoom call? How does Dan’s, somewhat pedestrian family tree effort compare with Nazy’s masterpiece? Hint: How does a tree year old’s chalk drawing compare to the Mona Lisa? Read More...
June-uary Birthday marbles dance with hatted crayons
28-06-20 18:44
Why didn’t it feel like summer had begun on the West Coast? (Hint: it’s called ‘June-uary’ in Washington State and ‘June Gloom’ in Santa Barbara.) Is it easier to fall asleep in a high chair or in an economy class seat on a trip to the Far East? What is the best way to get from Santa Barbara, California to Bellingham, Washington. And, if that’s too hard: Is there a safe way to get from Santa Barbara to Bellingham? Who just happens to have five crayon costumes? Did Nazy complete both The Family Tree and The greatest marble run? Read More...
sandy graduation mis-sizes pajama party tree marble
21-06-20 16:18
Who won’t wear his new pajamas? (And why?) Did Dan ‘let’ Tiger play in the sand? Of course he did, but who let Tiger bring sand into Nazy’s car? What year does the Safavi Family Tree start? Did it take Nazy longer than that to complete the watercolor depiction? How did the video Kindergarten graduation go? To mask or not to mask? Is that a question?
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Tie dyed family trees are composting in the garage
14-06-20 17:06
Will Dan have a place in Nazy’s Family Tree? Would it have helped if Dan’s surname was the same as Nazy’s maiden name? And if so, would the tree’s roots be hopeless entangled? Why does chocolate ice cream tend to melt faster than rainbow sherbet? Will Nazy remember how to tie dye tee shirts? Is anyone brave enough to ‘clean the garage’ — again? Who is this month’s recipient of the Birthday Zoom call? Read More...
Uber’s chalky driveway masks poetic topiary lotus blossoms
07-06-20 11:34
Can Dan get an Uber to 2021? What is i Mardonnari? Does a chalk-filled artistically beautiful driveway have anything to do with i Mardonnari? Will Tiger and Arrow (and Dan and Nazy) wear masks as the visit the most beautiful garden (Lotusland) in the world? Who celebrated her third birthday by speaking three languages? What is Azelle’s favorite question? (Hint: ‘Why’ do I ask?) And who is about to graduate? (From Kindergarten?) Read More...
savor romantic sunlight reflecting off aluminum tp shelves
05-04-20 12:21
Will March, 2020 ever end? Isn’t it nice, in this hustle and bustle world, that you are able to find time to spend with the family? Did anyone mention ‘quality time’? Who would think that corn starch is a suitable replacement for powder sugar? Or kumquats for zucchini? When will our toilet paper order be delivered? How well does Zoom work for birthdays? is it possible to find a worse time to break a foot? Read More...
sartorial splendor seems spectacular with olive-less pizza
04-03-20 11:28
Where can you find a heart-shaped pizza? Are there any drawbacks? Do you like olives? (On your pizza?) Can a one year old show-off demonstrate superior language skills? (Hint: Si!) Is green and red an appropriate color choice for Valentine dinner? Hint: Maybe — if Valentine Day falls in DecemberWhat will Tiger choose for his 100 day kindergarten celebration? And who picked that bowtie? Read More...
Freezing Doctor with funny bed drums vaccination on Azelle’s book
17-02-20 08:51
Can the California crew cope with a winter weather alert? What is a Winter Weather Alert in Santa Barbara? Who is ‘the doctor with the funny bed’? (And why doesn’t Arrow want to see him?) In fact, why doesn’t Arrow want to see ‘so many doctors’? (And isn’t everybody happy that he doesn’t have to?) Which grandchildren like to read books? And which one likes to read them at 3:00AM? Is playing the drums similar to getting a flu vaccination? Read More...
scary clown and fast clapping babies dodge jigsaw hazards
21-01-20 13:29
Who is faster than a speeding bullet? Able to climb tall buildings in a fearless second? Unable to understand the difference between a chocking hazard and a dump truck? Which gender can master potty training fastest? How was Arrow able to turn a chocking hazard into a reasoned excuse? Who is the best at sitting, giggling, clapping and smiling — all while not climbing the walls or falling off the chair? Read More...
Labyrinth kisses inspired moon and Venus conjunction
10-01-20 15:51
Would you like to learn about seasonality in language? What is the spiral of life? How is it related to The Martin Family labyrinth tradition? (Does doing it the first time make it a tradition?) What’s the difference between a labyrinth and a maze? Hint: Is it possible to get trapped in a labyrinth? Doe a cheeseburger with (importantly) lettuce and tomato count toward a daily ‘salad food group’ goal? Does pistachio ice cream count in the ‘green’ arena? What was the theme for the annual family photo? Read More...
Windy snowmen drive United “Airline’s” diapers to the ocean
12-12-19 12:04
Would an experienced traveler ever chose to fly United ‘Airlines’? Would a friend let a friend select a United Airlines flight? Is it always possible to drive from San Francisco to Santa Barbara faster than United can fly the same route? Was it possible to build a snowman in the mountains outside of Santa Barbara? Who’s furnace was not functional during the snowfall? How did Arrow misinterpret Dan’s explanation of how sewer systems work? Read More...
Princess Wildfire has allergy to Math Lab Costume
04-12-19 14:44
Does Nazy want Dan to wear a Princess Costume to a birthday party? How many Princesses showed up at the party? Will the Cave Fire threaten The Martin Family household in Santa Barbara? Why is it important to know who called the fire department? And, isn’t putting out the fire even more important? Who thinks Math Lab is more fun than coloring class? What is Arrow’s favorite color? Read More...
Granville Island Marks Shannon Falls’ Costumed Termites
17-11-19 14:06
Is it true that all Canadians are polite and patient? And, if so, does being patient preclude good driving manners? Or did we misunderstand an inflammatory hand gesture? Is Shannon Falls bigger than we remembered? How did Killer Whales feature in Dan’s decision to take a job in Vancouver? (And, oh how many years ago was that?) What makes Granville Island Grand? Did we see the old house, Gastown or Robson Street? How difficult was the border crossing? Read More...
Azelle forks pizza at Hide and Seek MyGym music class
04-11-19 11:58
Who mixes up ‘hide and go seek’ with the ‘ostrich pretend game’? How many one year olds insist on using a fork to eat pizza? [Observation: I’m far more than one year old and I don’t.] What is the official name of the ‘hacky sack’ launching system exhibit at the Santa Barbara children’s museum? Who likes the LiteBrite exhibit more — Nazy or Azelle?
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Zoo trains (Oktober)fest with Joe’s clear choice windows
19-10-19 17:58
Will Arrow and Tiger get to ride on ‘The Blue Train’? How does Clear Choice Window Washing prove that they are clearly the wrong choice? (Especially for window washing.) Does the automatic iPhone update cause problems? Oops — too easy. How many ways does the automatic iPhone update cause problems? Who can surf down an Astroturf covered hill? Why did ATT block Dan’s phone? Hint: Dan stopped using ATT services several years ago — is it possible that a (gasp!) scam was involved. Read More...
baby loves books (with salt) while Dan blows birthday fire
06-10-19 17:42
Who is into consuming literature? Hint: It’s a one-year old. Is she able to digest the concepts and hidden meanings associated with Unicorns? Who vetoed the ‘fire table’ celebration at Zaytoon Restaurant in Santa Barbara? Who got a gold star on his birthday cake? (Hint: It was my birthday cake.) Did Darius, Christiane and the young girls make it back home safely. More importantly did they arrive with aligned sleeping schedules. (I bet those with parental experience can guess the answer.) Read More...
Sunset Crane corners autumn at Downton Beach walk
24-09-19 18:52
Does the Autumn equinox generate better sunsets? Where is the best place to scientifically examine the issue? Can colorblindness lead to inaccurate assessments? Who wanted to ‘buy CDs’? Who doesn’t know what a CD is? How does Arrow cope now that Tiger is at a different school? Read More...
Burning Man fixes fountain foibles while kindergarten surfs
14-09-19 15:49
How would you prepare for and what would you wear to… Burning Man? How did gravitational anomalies screw up the cascade on The Martin Family fountain? (In fact, was a gravitation fault, an installation error or a maintenance flaw more likely. Hint: Dan was responsible for maintenance.) How will someone who doesn’t like the ocean (Tiger) because it’s ‘too wavey’ respond to surfing lessons? How did ‘Meet your Kindergarten Teacher’ go? How about the first day of pre-school without your big brother? And who wants to push big trucks around the living room? Read More...
Labor (birth) Day scrapes meatball from Spaghetti
06-09-19 20:00
Why is Labor Day Dan’s favorite holiday? And how did Arrow’s first Tiger-free day of pre-school go? Did he miss his brother? Should Tiger’s landscape painting have a bulldozer? And what color is the watermelon? How will Tiger (Da Vinci) Adams and Arrow (Botticelli) Adams influence 21st century art? Who was ‘willing’ to ‘help’ Azelle blow our the candles on her (first) birthday cake and open her presents? Who’s favorite song is “On Top of Spaghetti’? Read More...
water $’s float away on baptisms and birthday
29-08-19 11:47
Water, water, everywhere — and not a drop for free. (Or even for a reasonable price.) Who turned a $ water bill into a $$$$ National Deficit? And, speaking of water, which six month old baby was unimpressed with the ‘water’ concept that is associated with Christening? What was the perfect occasion for Dan to wear his harlequin shirt? What kind of bottles did Dan buy for a first birthday celebration? What can you do when ‘the children’ have no problems with jet lag, but ‘the parents’ are not so lucky?
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bionic beach bandaids baffle Bellingham babies
10-08-19 16:28
How close is Dan to becoming the six million dollar man? And how is that related to his (dismal) experience with a 1969 Austin Healy? (Hint: the car had buggy eyes.) Is there a downside to hearing from both sides? Why does Arrow want a bandaid and an ice pack? Will a simple kiss work just as well? Who volunteered to fly on a non-frills, no business class flight from LAX? And how is the astounding Auriane doing? Read More...
Cheops celebrates birthday with blue cupcake car at Stonehenge
28-07-19 12:12
Did children have birthdays before Chuck E. Cheese existed? What kind of blue car did Arrow want for his birthday? Was it a big (outdoor) car or a little (indoor) car? When Dan failed, could Tiger get an answer? How does Tiger ‘help’ Arrow with the cupcake candles at pre-school? Did Arrow have more birthday parties than Dan has birthdays? How did Pharaoh Cheops and Stonehenge delay Nazy’s drive to Los Angeles? And — how does Disneyland compare to Chuck E. Cheese on the birthday celebration scale? Read More...
Sunny dew on one-hand forehand word count birthday
25-07-19 15:30
Why is it called a ‘fourhand’ stroke if you only use one hand? (In fact, why is it called tennis when only two people play? Shouldn’t it be ‘two-is’?) What is the best way to read 1000 pages before kindergarten starts? (Hint: choose pages with few words.) How often do you see a photograph with four generations? How successful was Mitra in her effort to introduce the concept of ‘early morning’ to Nazy? Is there a downside for a ‘big boy’ about to become three years old?
Read More...bumbling bees order July 4th take-out on pine-cone slide
12-07-19 21:48
Is it possible to get stung by bee — while you’re wearing a bee sting prevention suit? The answer is, of course, obvious, but how do you explain it to a five year old? If you got a text message [PICKUP in 20 minutes] from the restaurant where you placed your takeout order, would you be surprised to discover that the restaurant is closed? Would ‘bemused’ be a more descriptive characterization? ‘Shocked?’ ’Annoyed?’ ‘Livid?’ Who goes through a countdown before launching himself down a slide? Read More...
Chuck’s Cheesy Tales of Oregon Whale Tails
04-07-19 08:49
What’s the best thing to do after a ten day swing through the East Coast? More to the point: Would you choose Chuck E. Cheese and dueling drives to LAX? What keeps the Moon up in the sky? Hint: “It can’t be gravity, Dan, because that pulls things down!” Will the family whale watching tour deliver Whale Tails or Whale Tales? Who wants his Mommy? (Now!!). Read More...
Marie Antoinette crowns dentist with botanical cowboy hat
18-06-19 21:23
Who has more problems with a crown than Marie Antoinette? Did a dentist really play ‘kick the crown’ with a hand-crafted dental masterpiece? Who is known in his community as Mr. Grass (cutter)? Which grandchild has determined that anybody wearing a cowboy hat is ‘Dan’? How broadly does she define ‘anybody’? Why didn’t Dan realize that ‘the boys’, who happily walked down a path to Mission Creek would want to be carried back up? Read More...
Orange Winter Storms Butterfly Birthday on Trampolin
29-05-19 21:09
What is the official name for a group of butterflies? Why do painted lady butterflies choose to migrate across the Pacific Coast Highway? At rush hour? Were any of them smart enough to seek refuge in the local museum’s live butterfly sanctuary? Did anyone in Santa Barbara know what to do about a ‘Winter Storm Warning’? (Did anyone recognize the word ‘Winter’?) How did Arrow deal with the ‘slow moving’ obstacles on his obstacle course run? Would you volunteer to chaperone a pre-school visit to the zoo if you knew the topic was ‘bugs’? (Hint: I’m a lion guy.) Who provided detailed specifications for her birthday cake (orange), menu and agenda? (By detailed, we’re thinking multi-volume.) Read More...
iPhone crawls out of ranch dressing puddle
23-05-19 18:39
Is an iPhone that has been submerged in a bowl of ranch dressing covered under warranty? (Would it have been covered if the dressing was Bleu Cheese? How could a physician miss the difference between a nose and an ear? How can Arrow drive a car through a car wash at MyGym? Can Dan trick Tiger into a water safety course? Who enjoyed a great performance of Les Miserables? Read More...
Earth Day Blue Chalk Surfs with Candles and Tennis
15-05-19 23:31
Who wants to blow out candles on Earth Day? Why is Earth Day the optimal place to recruit students for a surfing class? (Does living in Santa Barbara tilt the scale?) Who needs… really needs… blue chalk? What Tiger got taller while we weren’t looking? And how did we finally notice? Where did we go to celebrate Nazy’s brother’s birthday? (Hint: He lives in San Francisco). Read More...
Don’t fly UPS-Class to see grandest daughters
04-05-19 16:57
Would you let your pet porcupine play with your favorite balloon? What airline offers UPS-class service from Los Angeles to Bellingham? Is it possible for parents to survive while living with a two-year old? When do they stop measuring ‘length’ and move to ‘height’? And, can you join Dan in hoping that they never move to circumference when describing him? Where was Dan immune from a prodigious pile of pompous poppycock? Who was filmed at the Peach Arch — sneaking across the border? Read More...
caps, hats and cool rules top Sydney exit
26-04-19 07:49
Will Dan look sufficiently ‘Manly’ at the beach outside of Sydney? Will it help if he’s wearing a Bondi Beach hat? How about a Kangaroo Hat? An All Blacks Hat? A Uluru hat? Will any hat fit when he gets home? Did Nazy find the right set of earrings? Where can you go shopping in a building that has the panache and glitz of the time it was constructed in the late 1890’s? Hint: Try the Strand Arcade. Is there anything (anything?) to do at the Canberra Airport at midnight? Who was stuck there for an hour? Who has to follow the ironclad house rule to “Be Cool”? Read More...
Auriane Lynn Martin rocks the stars with speedy Mom
09-04-19 08:59
Can anything make Dan change sequencing practices for The Weekly Letter? Or, more to the point, what can make Dan change sequencing practices? Where has the latest Rock Star been identified? And who made the identification. Where are the physicians (far) too slow? How will (the lovely) little girl respond to family changes? Who helped Nazy celebrate her birthday a few days early and 1200 miles from Dan? And why doesn’t the Santa Barbara Airbus pick up passengers at LAX’s Tom Bradley International Terminal? Read More...
Cat, eh, Koi, eh, Angelfish feeder carries ABC luggage
03-03-19 19:16
Can Dan, with help from an engineer-written instruction addendum, successfully configure an automatic and analog cat (and koi) feeder to work with his aquarium? Will the end product disrupt gray whale migration in the nearby Santa Barbara channel. How does two year old Arrow describe his Mom’s work? (His Mom is a lawyer.) Where did Tom and Melika celebrate Melika’s birthday? Why is there a suitcase issue as Nazy plans packing for our forthcoming trip to Australia? Read More...
sticky cotton tightly fits in cheesy chuck’s ear
24-02-19 21:48
What medical situation not only required ‘urgent care’, but was also a redux of a problem that occurred exactly five years ago? And, more importantly, since it was, eh, somewhat unusual, who was at fault? And why did Dan’s doctor giggle while he… well, don’t you think you should read about it? Have Dan and Nazy gotten all the paperwork needed for the trip down under? Does anyone know how to configure a Nokia Lumina telephone running Microsoft software? And why does it matter? Finally — was Chuck E. Cheese a hit with the grandchildren? Read More...
trackless tunnels and pygmy mammoths sing to museum fish
20-02-19 09:26
Can Dan (with help from his sister, his wife, a professional aquarist, internet references, instructional videos, a Ph.D. in computer science and dedicated chanting) figure out how to program an automatic aquarium fish feeder? Hint: The instructions are printed in a six point font, with green ink on a red background. Dan is red/green colorblind.) How will two year old Arrow find a reference to a railroad tunnel (and track) at a pygmy mammoth museum exhibit? Was that as exciting as the fluorescent rocks? How does magic marker work as make-up? And why was Dan surprised by rain in the rainy season? (And who’s fault was that?) Read More...
locusts flipflop through winter beach walks with fish tank
31-01-19 22:07
How do know it’s winter in Santa Barbara? (Hint: It has to do with flip flops.) Does anyone know which counties were most impacted by the locust swarm of 1875? And why is that more important than the locust swarm of 1931 or the Egyptian one of 1400BC? How did the ‘professionals’ handle installation of Dan’s aquarium? Did Tiger really get a haircut? (And why?) Was the Wolf Blood Super Moon Eclipse worth the hype? Read More...
Wicked weather romantically perfumes in double Labyrinth
13-01-19 18:56
Will Dan’s romantic Christmas present take the cake? (Or was the cake left out in the rain?) Would it have been more well-received if it had arrived on time? Why did the postal authorities take a delivery route that featured a double labyrinth? Why did Dan think it was a Wicked(ly) good idea? Has the rainy season come to Santa Barbara? Why do they call it a ‘forehead’ if you only have one of them? Why does it take three people to push Azelle’s stroller? Read More...
very early Thanksgiving trip makes Volvo lose its marbles
18-11-18 09:00
What does a Volvo sound like when the brakes are applied? How is the sound different if the brake pads on the left rear wheel are, eh, gone? What do you do if the Volvo dealer is inaccessible? (The freeway is closed by wildfires.) Who builds the best marble maze constructs? How is ‘best’ defined? What is a pokey tree? Where will Dan and Nazy (and Tom and Melika and Tiger and Arrow and Azelle and Jackson and Reagan) be for Thanksgiving? Read More...
Juvenile jokes, sleepless children, wine slush and flying pigs
23-10-18 20:30
Can Dan’s (juvenile) jokes — involving funny faces and bodily sounds — generate a chortle from (the amazing) Azelle? Do you think they’ll be too high brow for Tiger and Arrow? What is California’s answer to Gluehwein? (Remember that Gluehwein, a European Christmas season favorite, is a bad tasting wine served at the wrong temperature.) The title of this edition may give you an idea of the answer. Where can you find a herd of flying pigs? Where are Dan and Nazy planning to spend the weekend? Read More...
Azelle notes Musth Aromatics, Arrow’s six packs and Tiger’s Beard
19-10-18 08:11
How does Tiger look with a goatee? (And how did Johnson Baby Shampoo help him pull off the impersonation?) What did Arrow think of Baby Shampoo? Hint: He’s the one with the beautiful hair. And I speak as an expert in ‘hair’ (lose). If you gained weight at the same rate as Azelle, how long would it take before the planet started to orbit around you? What ‘sparkling wine’ tastes like aspirin dropped in a glass of Alka Seltzer? And why isn’t anyone embarrassed by the gargantuan increase in the annual deficit? Read More...
Duct tape launches first debonair rainfall with Leandr
11-10-18 12:45
Which airline delayed a flight because “an overhead bin door won’t close”? How big was the tool box that the mechanic assigned to fix the door pulled into the (wide body) airplane? Hint: It would have been better if the aisle was wide-body. How did the expertise that Dan garnered at Georgia Tech solve the problem? Hint: A real engineer only needs two items: Duct Tape and WD-40. What is a gable and why does a Salem house have seven of them? Why doesn’t Tiger want to be suave, charming, sophisticated and debonair? How did (the lovely) Leandra react when she saw the (local) family after a summer in Beirut? Read More...
Arrow can do it, Tiger waters it, Leandra walks to it, Azelle fits in it
26-09-18 10:48
What’s the financial impact of a decades-long rainless ‘rainy’ season? Hint: the new house has an irrigation system and the new water bill has arrived. How long did Dan let the letter from the taxation authorities simmer on his desk before gathering enough courage to open it? Who has learned to say “I CAN DO IT!”? Has Azelle learned to smile? Already? Who is very, very popular at the playground? Read More...
Calvada detonation falls sideways on Maui security system
12-09-18 11:12
Would you spend money for two acres of sand, eh, ‘land’ in Nevada? Would it matter if the ‘land’ had turned to glass because of a nearby nuclear weapon test site? Would the results of the nuclear test ban treaty have any impact on your decision? Why don’t things fall up? Can anything fall sideways? How did a life experience (and business decision) in Maui help prevent a bad family investment in Santa Barbara? Has (the amazing) Azelle mastered the skills necessary to be a beautiful baby? Read More...
Refunds abound while BOBOLYNE Pilots stop for hamburgers
07-09-18 11:50
How will Dan and Nazy spend the refund check that they received from the medication insurance plan? Hint: They are considering an option that involves splitting a low-dosage aspirin tablet. Has your flight ever been delayed because there was a “long line at McDonalds” where the pilots stopped to get a hamburger before sauntering to the gate? Who forgot to sign their passport before an international trip? (And how many times was it missed by heavy border security?) What is the name of the dullest airport on the planet? Would you remove the training wheels on your bicycle before or after a collision with a (thorny) rose bush?
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Leandra christened, poltroons dither, Tiger cares and Arrow shares
28-08-18 22:30
How did two-year old Arrow attempt to endear himself to his new sister? Why were his Mom and grandparents far more impressed than the 1 week old baby? And did the new baby accelerate Tiger’s maturity process? Would any reader like to purchase a copy of the Los Angeles Times with the headline: “On The Moon!”? What big event was celebrated, in Lebanon, by (the lovely) Leandra and her family? Is it necessary to neatly pack garbage? If you’re in pre-school, what’s cooler - a starfish or a dolphin? What is a paltroon? (And why are so many of them ‘serving’ in Congress?) Read More...
Safety clothing and Volvo software swim with Beep Beep Arrow
21-05-18 22:31
Where is there a park named after a person who’s last name is ‘Park’? How about — where is there a Chemistry Hall named after someone who’s last name is “Hall”? Hint: Dan still has frightening dreams of a cane-wielding Chemistry professor named A.C. Topp holding court in said Hall. How long should it take for ‘new software’ to be downloaded to a 2018 Volvo? Hint: The Cassini space probe, crushed by a deliberate dive into the planet Saturn is still capable of faster transmission. Is it possible to convince a three year old that ‘water safety class’ means swimming with your clothes on? Hint: The answer is ‘No!’ Would you even try to convince a one year old? Does “Mama Beep Beep” qualify as a ‘real two word sentence’? Read More...
Scheduling miscues impact First Brother, Local Consultant and Best Wife
18-02-18 12:26
Why is it best to book the first flight out of small airport? Can anything go wrong when you follow this ‘best’ advice? What is the difference between being the ‘Big Brother’ and being the ‘First Brother’? Specifically, does this make Wednesday arrive before Tuesday? What’s the word for the slow-motion video exhibit at the Children’s Museum in Santa Barbara? And how does Arrow get the message across? What would you do if someone took your red ball?
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Paper Art Thanksgiving: Everyone who matters is here
28-11-17 17:37
When was the last time that everyone in The Martin Family was in the same place for Thanksgiving? (Don’t despair, we can’t remember either.] When was the first time that The Martin Family wasn’t in the same place for Thanksgiving? [We do remember this?] Have you ever been stuck in an airport with only a nickel? Who didn’t want to cooperate while we took, or more accurately, attempted to take the annual family photo? What exactly is paper art? Read More...
Wedding music serenades planetarium art as banks and homes collide
20-09-17 21:46
How long did it take Nazy to get ready to attend a wedding? Hint: The wedding was on Saturday; At 3:15PM on The Saturday. Nazy was at the Santa Barbara airport baggage claim area. How many dumb things did Dan buy on the Internet while Nazy was traveling? What do you do if your bank has ‘no money’ after 2:00PM on a Friday afternoon? Would you be especially annoyed if your tax dollars had been used to bail out said bank? How can Arrow improve his cat feeding technique? And can Dan wrest control of ‘his’ iPad from a Tiger determined to get the high score? Read More...