“…. and his passport, house keys, driver’s license, winter coat, winter coat, winter coat, winter coat…”

When Mr. Tarawansate promised to call Nazy at the hotel if the card turned up, I snickered – to myself.

Because I wanted to show Nazy more of Bangkok – and do some touristy things like a long-tail boat ride on the river, we ventured out on our own, the next day. We spent the first few hours stuck in traffic. We finally made it to an antique market along the river. While Nazy browsed, I booked a boat. (The photo is of our driver.)

We went to an old Hindu temple site that was not exactly well maintained. After a quick tour (things smelled pretty bad), we found ourselves on the wrong side of the river. We jumped on a ferry; it cost 3 Baht – which is one tenth of a cent – to cross. As we crossed, I noticed storm clouds in the distance. {Dark storm clouds. Not very far in the distance.} We found a taxi and began the trip to the hotel. [Note: ‘began the trip’ should not be interpreted to mean that we actually began to move. On the other hand, we were inside the cab when the rain began.]

“Is this rain or a tsunami?” Nazy asked the driver. The fact that the driver didn’t understand a word she said did not faze Nazy.

As the water piled up, we saw people stacking sandbags in front of buildings. The driver began talking to himself.

“*^@)*$))#$%!&^.” He mumbled.

“Yes,” I replied. “This truly sucks. The weather is crap, the traffic is stalled and..”

“@*#$&@^)*#__@“<>?.”

“It is, indeed, a flood of biblical proportions and this traffic leaves us in a conundrum. I am completely flummoxed.” I replied, attempting to sound as confusing as the driver. The attempt was, of course, futile. The Thai alphabet has 44 consonants and 28 vowels. The language uses five tones – which means (roughly) that Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan and Dan! Have different meanings. (And they don’t put spaces between the words.)

“Pong was right.” Nazy said.

“Pong?”

“Yes, Pong. He was our guide yesterday. He said that when it rained there would be a traffic jam.”

“He also said that traffic jams were caused by weather, by accidents, by police roadblocks, but acts of God, by Royalty using the roads.. Oh Gosh! Maybe it’s our fault.”

Note: Although the rain, a torrential deluge, was a reasonable excuse for the traffic on this trip, the major problem was unpredictability. The amount of time it took to get anywhere was completely random. One of two things always happened:

At first, I thought that the taxi drivers themselves were the problem. These guys were well-qualified for action in Chicago who had no idea how to find anything. However, as we got to know our way around, it became clear that the problem was caused by traffic, not hapless, clueless cabbies.

There was a bit of a quandary when we finally made it to the hotel. In response to a suggestion from the concierge, Nazy had arranged to acquire a tailor-made suit. The first fitting was scheduled for that evening.

“Luckily,” Nazy informed me. “The tailor shop is right next to the hotel.”

“Unluckily,” I replied. “We would have to wade through knee-deep water to get there. But, we can visit the adjoining mall and purchase some flip-flops. Then, we can roll up our pants legs..”

“I’m wearing a skirt, Dan.”

“Well, you can just hike up your skirt.”

“I’m not going to wear flip flops…”

“I understand. I’ll find some fishing boots.”

“No, Dan, you don’t understand.”

Imperiously, we called the tailor and asked them to do the fitting at our hotel. They informed us that it was impossible:

“Haven’t you noticed the floods?”

We were on our way to the fitting the next morning when the phone rang. It was Mr. Tarawansate. The Bangkok Bank had found my ATM card. All I had to do was visit their main office with my passport to pick it up. Sitting in traffic, we had some time to review the situation.

“You, Nazy, will receive major credits and kudos for handling this.”

“Major credits?”

“And kudos,” I replied. “I never thought...”

“Precisely.”

“I would have just cancelled the card. But..”

“Do you have my wallet, Dan?”

“Excuse me? Why would I have your wallet?”

“It is not in my purse.”

“I don’t have a purse, Nazy. But, eh, I’ll have to cancel those kudos and issue a few demerits.” [Nazy’s wallet was safely in the room safe where she had put it for safe-leeping following safety advice.]

Later that evening we went to see a traditional Thai dance performance. Nazy and I had somewhat different opinions of the presentation.

“Isn’t it beautiful, Dan?” Nazy asked.

“I don’t get it, Nazy. It seems like the objective is to move hands and feet into impossible positions while jumping up and down on one foot without changing facila expression.” Sometimes it is not wise to express your opinion to your wife.

We left from the brand new Bangkok International Airport. The facility looks industrial and rather unfriendly and not completely finished. For example, the jetway that we used to board our flight was dramatically swaying from the resonance frequency set up as people walked through it to the airplane.